How to Care for Your Boyfriend - Apply These 4 Tips

“You’re so good to me,” my boyfriend often says. “You’re the best girlfriend.”

I didn’t use to be.

In my first serious relationship, I made lots of mistakes. I was possessive, jealous, clingy, I repeated annoying and regressive behaviour patterns and I never learned.

“Wow,” I hear you say. “That’s… something.”

Yeah, I know. I was the whole package.

Thankfully, my package was not appreciated and I got dumped. This turned out to be the best and kindest thing my ex-boyfriend did for me. After a few years on my own, I came out of the experience a new person.

Okay, maybe not completely new. I’m still a huge cuddle monster and sometimes I wish I could die in my partner’s beard, but that’s probably just an inherent part of my tactile nature. He can deal.

What’s more important, though, is that I finally overcame my hatred of men, and, wait for it… I even started to understand them. I achieved enlightenment right then and there, let me tell you.

Seriously though.

We blame everything on toxic masculinity nowadays. Don’t get me wrong, I think most of this world’s problems are caused by it, so it’s only right to point it out. Toxic masculinity sucks.

But so does toxic femininity. So do girlfriends who hurt their partners by putting them down, saying they aren’t “manly enough”, refusing to let them be submissive at least once, or who simply make the whole relationship pain in the ass by being immature (me from 2015 says hi).

Since I started trying to see some things from men’s point of view, I’ve reflected a lot and I’ve come up with a few things that we could all implement to care for our boyfriends better.

This way, we can eradicate toxicity in any form from the face of the Earth. Wouldn’t that be just wonderful?

I’m successfully applying this strategy in my new relationship. The results are outstanding.

Show him he can be vulnerable

This is a big one.

Way too many men feel like they can’t open themselves. To anyone.

They don’t share too much with their male friends, and when they feel like they could potentially be themselves with their partner, suddenly there’s this huge pressure on being the stable and strong one in the relationship.

The macho, the protector, the one who takes care of us.

But he wants to be taken care of, too.

We don’t let men be submissive and vulnerable, both in life and in bed. I’ve heard stories of girlfriends who refused to be anything else but submissive, and who thought it was weird for the guy to want to mix it up a bit.

So many people expect men to be dominant, strong and emotionless — so much so that men often just accept their fate, suppress their vulnerable feelings, and there you have it, toxic masculinity is born in all its glory.

Men essentially want the same thing women do — they want to be held, stroked, they want to cry and show you their vulnerable side.

They like feeling small too.

So show him care.

Hold him when he cries, tell him that you appreciate his honesty, let him know it’s absolutely okay for him to be completely open and bare when he’s with you.

Don’t judge him. Don’t shame him. Accept him with both his masculine and feminine parts.

When men embrace their submissive vulnerable side, they often emerge from it stronger and more confident in themselves, which helps rid them of any residue of toxic masculinity.

He’ll be healthy, confident and happy he has someone to rely on. He’ll trust you and respect you.

Show him some love.

Don’t hint

I used to be the master of hints. That’s also why communication in my past relationships was severely broken. Oops.

I hinted and hinted, only to be met with the cracking and humming noise on the other end. No signal.

Most men suck at getting the hint. I don’t know why, but they miss every little cue you shove in their face.

In all fairness, some cues can be very misleading and not really cues at all. My friend once dressed in a beautiful dress with pictures of hearts two days before Valentine’s Day, intending to attract the attention of a guy she fancied in her class. Maybe if he saw her dress, he’d realise she was interested, and he’d ask her out for Valentine’s.

Guess what? He didn’t.

I don’t think she was 100% convinced of the effectiveness of her strategy, she was probably just being silly, but it’s a good metaphor for how women sometimes throw their hints.

We hint and then we get upset he didn’t get it. We create this whole drama about him not understanding our needs, and he ends up sighing, his face in his palms, grasping at straws, not knowing what to say because he just had no idea it was even a problem.

Don’t hint. Say it. If you say what you want and you say it in a nice tone, I promise, your boyfriend will appreciate you and your relationship will flourish.

Also, please, when he asks what is wrong, never say “Nothing,” when you know all too well that it’s everything. Because he’ll actually believe you. He won’t bother talking about it any further.

I learned this the hard way.

Mature men value honesty and upfront communication. As long as you give them mixed signals and as long as there’s a clash between what you say and how you act, they’ll be confused, and you’ll be frustrated.

Not a good combo.

Don’t be afraid to make the first move

Seriously, don’t.

Do you know why so many men use Bumble nowadays?

Because on this app, they don’t have to make the first move. It’s up to the women. Frankly, that must be a huge relief for men — in the dating world, they’re usually the ones that have to try harder.

They make the first move, they ask women out, they try to impress them. They are self-conscious about their performance on all levels of life because in the patriarchal world that we all live in, it’s required of them to perform perfectly, efficiently and with boosting confidence.

If they’re not a Chad, they’re a failure.

Women have their own issues to deal with, of course. But they spend a lot of their time being passive players in the dating world, letting the men rule the chessboard. They still play, but they use pawns while men try really hard to impress them with their knights and rooks.

Women on Tinder spend most of their time swiping No and then wait for the few ones they swiped right for to contact them.

I know because I’ve done it.

Enter Bumble. I messaged my current boyfriend on Bumble, and I was also the one to ask him out on a date. We both paid for our own coffee and we had a great time.

Making the first move doesn’t only apply to dating apps. When you’re already in a relationship, don’t be afraid to suggest fun things to do — would he like to watch a film with you? Could you join him in playing that videogame that he loves so much? Would he like to go on a trip or to a museum?

Men want to feel like their interest is reciprocated. In the 21st century, it’s rare to see the lack of interest from women as a positive trait.

He wants to know you’re also interested. Otherwise it’s a waste of time for both of you.

Make the first move. If he’s a mature man who’s worth it, he’ll appreciate your confidence. He might even find it sexy. *winks*

Compliment him

Women love compliments. I mean the good ones, of course, not the “hello kitty beautiful butt” kind of a comment.

But men love receiving nice compliments, too. And we don’t talk about that.

He wants to know you’re attracted to him just as much as he is to you. He wants to feel wanted, sexy, beautiful.

I often tell my boyfriend how great he smells, how handsome he is, and how I’d eat his face if I could (because I’m weird). I show him how much I want him, and I plant little kisses on his cheeks a lot.

He feels loved and wanted, I feel loved and wanted, everything is great. Happy times.

Tell your boyfriend he’s hot. Tell him how much he means to you. He will be grateful for the reassurance and he will feel more secure in the attachment.

Words mean a lot. Use them kindly.

As a teenager, what I looked for in boys was stability and kindness. What I didn’t realise was that I should give some of it back.

Communicate clearly and with no hidden meanings. Mature men can’t be bothered with mind games. They want a woman who knows what she wants and knows how to say it without turning it into an argument.

Show him that you love him, respect him and appreciate his presence in your life.

Pay attention to see if he does all these things for you as well because these tips go both ways.

If you daily implement honesty, assertiveness and kindness into your relationship, it can go a long way.

Accept him and love him, all of him, not just the bits that make you feel better about your own insecurities.

Love him on all levels, from all angles, in all layers. Wrap his essence around yourself like a blanket and let him know how comfortable it feels. Love him at his core.

Even if he misses all hints, this is the one thing he will definitely notice.

This article was originally published here.