How Not Giving a Damn What People Think Will Have You Feeling Amazing

There is no greater time in one’s life when that person refuses to give a damn about what others think of them. Sadly, this often takes longer for many people than for others. Some never achieve this wonderful milestone.

Not giving a damn can be very freeing. You are able to live your best, most authentic life when you are not shackled by the chains of feeling obligated to pretend to be something you are not, for the benefit of others.

There are few people at this stage of my that I actually DO give a damn what they think of me. But those few are important to me. The others, not so much. I’m secure in the person I am. I know I treat people with kindness, empathy, and respect.

I’m nice to little kids when they talk to me. I love people’s dogs jumping on me, excited to see me. Even if the owners are mortified, I give their pets all the lovins and assure them it’s ok. I love dog hair on my clothing.

My political beliefs and voting records show my support for marginalized groups. I love pro-woman, pro-immigrant, pro-LGBTQ policies and the people they support. I don’t mind paying my fair share of taxes to help those in need.

So basically, I mainly give a damn about what my immediate family thinks of me as a good human being. I try to be the best husband to my Bride. I role model good manners, behavior, and kindness to our three kids. These are the people that truly matter most to me, who I care about what they think of me.

Closer friends are also important. I want them to know I’m a good person as well. Social media people are somewhat important, but not as much. Most of them I’ve never met face-to-face. So if someone thinks I’m an asshole for being a bleeding-heart liberal, that’s their problem. I don’t give a damn.

We can stay connected and stay friends with differing political or religious views. But don’t come at me for my beliefs just because they’re more accepting and positive than yours. I know that I support morally good things, and I do unto others as I’d have done to myself. We can still be friends if there is respect.

If that changes, we’ll have a problem. It won’t be drama-filled, I won’t be changing my views to comfort your issue with me. I’ll just cut you out of the equation. Because I don’t give a damn.

I’ve taught my children that in life, it’s better to have four quarters than 100 pennies, as it relates to friendships and people you allow in your close circle. None of the three have ever felt the need to be Mr. or Miss Popular. Or to pick on other kids who aren’t popular.

In fact, they’ve stuck up for and befriended kids who likely didn’t have many friends. I did that at their ages and I couldn’t be more proud of them for picking up on that tendency themselves. All three have four quarters and not 100 pennies.

Where did we learn to be pretentious or fake in order to fit in with certain groups of people? I have my theories. Most of which are ones I’ve been involved with in my past. I feel I’ve lived my most authentic life for the past 10 to 12 years that I haven’t given a damn.

Here are some groups of people and social settings where I learned to stop giving a damn about what everyone thought of me. I truly don’t miss censoring myself or encountering most of these people’s judgmental ways. See if any of these seem familiar to you.

Hypocritical Religious People

This was the first one that came to mind. Being raised in church three times a week until age 21, I am quite familiar with how many church people tend to behave and judge others.

A handful of them seemed like good solid people. But many of them were just waiting for people to slip up so they could either lecture them, judge them, gossip about them, or all of the above.

I truly don’t give a damn what religious people think about me. Many would be horrified to know I am very much pro-choice and pro-women’s rights. Or that I openly use curse words in my own home. And that our kids use them, too.

That’s ok. I don’t give a damn. My kids don’t give a damn. Together, we don’t give a collective damn. They’ve been taught about context, time and place, and knowing your audience.

If you’re going to judge my children who are all kind, respectful, and all three headed to college, feel free. Just don’t expect us to give a damn. And don’t bring that judgmental negativity at me. Or we’ll have a discussion and it will likely be full of obscenities.

Parents and Older Relatives

I have to say, I have a LOT of respect for anyone close to my age whose parents aren’t completely or semi-racist, bigoted, sexist, homophobic, or xenophobic. I cannot stand talking about politics with either my parents or my in-laws, so I simply don’t.

It seems rare to find anyone older than my Bride and my age to chat about politics or current events without being somewhat or completely disgusted. We are very much into caring about marginalized groups, feeding and caring for the homeless, supporting single moms, and taking care of veterans and the addicts in the world.

The older set seems to be completely wrapped up in fear, paranoia, Fox News, being armed to the teeth, Donald Trump, and church. Remind me again how the teachings of Jesus lines up with any of that, and NOT what my Bride and I and our children believe in?

To be completely honest, I don’t give a damn what my parents, in-laws, or older people in my orbit think about my political beliefs. I haven’t for the longest time.

I’m sure it started when I told my father to go fuck himself for saying something completely homophobic around the time I left church permanently. This happened over Sunday dinner with an associate pastor and his wife sitting at the table. Go me.

The hypocrisy of a former pastor using a homophobic slur in front of another pastor was disgusting and the final nail in the coffin for me respecting people who claimed to be “good Christians” yet acted like heathens.

Now that I have a 16-year-old lesbian daughter and many LGBTQ friends in the community, I am a strong ally and supporter of equal rights. I’ve marched in Pride parades with my family. I’ve offered “Dad-hugs” as an ally to people at these events whose parents have likely disowned them for coming out. That’s one of the things I’ve done that I’m most proud of in my lifetime.

I post positive support posts on social media for gay and trans citizens. And I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks about it unless their views are supportive and caring toward these marginalized citizens who I love and care about.

Social Media Friends

Don’t get me wrong. I really love a lot of the people on my social media. Especially the ones I can tell are really good, solid, upright citizens who are on the right side of history. Those who support equality and aren’t posting racist, bigoted crap. I actually do care about what those people think of me.

The ones that have deplorable, racist, bigoted, sexist, homophobic, or xenophobic views and aren’t shy about posting them online, I truly don’t give a damn if they think I’m lost. I’ve worked hard at deleting those people from my social media.

It used to wear on me seeing such disgusting, vile posts. I’d debate and argue with those people, and I shudder to think how many hours of my life I’ve wasted trying to convince them to be better humans. You can’t change most people, as it relates to politics and their bigoted beliefs.

So I gave up and started taking the garbage out. It’s been far more peaceful and less stressful not seeing such nonsense constantly all over my social media feeds. And for everyone who accused me of being a liberal, commie, socialist, weak person, I laugh at you and I don’t give a damn about what you think of me. Your insults and words mean nothing to me.

Other People That You Know In Real Life

We run across so many people in our daily routine. Co-workers. People at stores and restaurants. Folks we meet at get-togethers and barbeques. So many people surround us.

I’ve taught my kids another thing besides the four quarters vs. 100 pennies. Ask them what “One out of two” means. They will tell you that their dad has taught them that statistically, one out of two people you meet is a douche bag.

That may sound shitty and pessimistic. But it’s something that I’ve found to be true. And with as close as the voting has been in this country the past few elections, I feel that I’m on to something.

One out of two people wants their religion to dictate laws. One out of two people doesn’t want a woman to have autonomy over her own reproductive rights. One out of two people thinks Donald Trump was a wonderful president and wants him reelected.

One out of two people isn’t a fan of minorities. One out of two people thinks we need to build the wall to keep out immigrants. One out of two people use racial or bigoted slurs, behind closed doors or openly.

My kids have been taught to be careful who they trust. Who they open up to. Who they choose to give their time to. They’ve made wise choices. I’ve never met a friend or a romantic interest of theirs who wasn’t a stellar human being. They’ve avoided extended family members who have racist and bigoted tendencies. They’ve listened.

I feel my children’s generation is going to save our country and possibly our planet. I feel that their level of kindness and respect will outdo and achieve more than the kids whose parents have taught them nothing but hate and division.

Most of all, my kids have learned far earlier than I have not to give a damn. They aren’t influenced by peer pressure and having to be popular. They refuse to be terrible humans. They will always be their best selves and their give-a-damn will remain broken, as it relates to what people who don’t matter think about them.

So the next time you’re worried about what someone thinks of you, or what they might say to others about you, don’t. Remember to not give a damn. Be authentic, love yourself, and be a wonderful human. The right people will love you and support you for it.