How I was Taught, Love

Chapter 1: Meeting refreshingly different guy in brutally numbing Psychology

It was crazy and on paper probably insane and inconceivable to someone else; I never thought I could love someone right away only after the second day of meeting them and without even being innocently friends with them that long. It was funny because I had no intention of trying to have another boyfriend when I first started my first year of college, I was soo tired of the unecessary drama I had to deal with in high school, I was burned by so many guys in high schools also just made bad choices dating two bad guys in high school who ended up just screwing me over for invalid reasonings they created in their head. I just was so excited to be done with high school and soo thankful I did not have to deal with people who want to just put you down just to put you down just so they have something giggle at for the day and just because you irk them because you are different than them. I was happy to move on from some of the pain from relationships with guys I lived through in high school and just simply start focusing and cracking down in college and starting an exciting since it was a new environment no longer the same at times petty environment that is high school and onto a new chapter in my life. We ended up having Psychology 1o1 together. I was late coming in, it was soo embarassaing. So I tried to just sit down and basically disappear, especially from the guy. I for some reason even though I tried to pretend like I didn't, noticed him right away; he was dressed differently than everyone in the class and just had mannerisms and gave off this attitude like he was like, fuck everyone in here, I don't need these people, fuck this class kind of vibe. I for some reason am just naturally drawn to and instantly intrigued by people like that. He had in a five-panel bucket hat and a really decorative patterned button t-shirt which I thought was just loud enough but not too flashy or abnoxious and crisp looking, just how my favorite type of guys I am pretty damn into and how some of the coolest guys I ever met but never got the chance to date (you know what I'm talking about ladies) those guys...girls, you meet in high school?) dress! I never even really though he would ever talk, especially considering the attitude and the "fuck everyone, don't talk to me" demeanor he gave off. Our teacher was really sweet, but I could not stand her high pitched Valley girl voice and I looked over to him I could tell he was just so not down to be there at all and I just thought in my head damn he must be so annoyed about her voice, this must be bothering him so much, this is the most painful voice I have had to sit through hearing in my life. Towards the end of class, our pushy teacher wanted us to all make an attempt to interact with our classmates and form study groups, so at the end of class when there was people moving around the room talking to each other; since he was literally only the next desk column down from and two or one desk(s) away from me we both ended up talking to each other, and I just told him this sucks we have to share numbers and he was like, yea this sucks, I don't even want to talk to anyone or have no desire to associate with anyone in this class, I'm not going to form a study group. and I replied yea I don't want to form a study group, I don't think I am going to ask anyone else for their number either. He wrote down his number in my notebook, was thrilled in a way he seemed really interesting and it kinda felt like a blessing getting the crazy lucky-ass chance of getting his number when I didn't even think we would ever have a chance of sitting anywhere near each other at all the first day of class nor expecting us to really meet or talk the entire semester

Then we said he wanted to walk me out of class and asked where did I park and I said down the parking near the classroom building and he said, "Okay cool, I'll just walk you to your car too." So we did and he noticed my stickers on the back of my Toyota 4Runner, my baby, 1999 old 4Runner, Silver, one jumped out to him in particular, it was an Earl Sweatshirt sticker, from the really popular booming rap group that blew the fuck up when I was in high school; pretty much gradually over time throughout the entire time I was in high school. He was like "What?! Oh you like Earl Sweatshirt and I was like yea love him and I love Odd Future (rap group) and that earned me major interesting girl +cool points in his eyes and in his book. Then after class, I didn't have another class after that one, and so I went to eat a burger place, called Smashburger and I thought I would eat some lunch before I try out and go to the library and do some homework or go home. Then he texts me while I am in Smashburger, like I swear to God, in the middle of me eating. I did not think he was going to text me and hit me up at all at least not the first day after our first day of class. He texted me and asked me if I wanted to study with him and we could go over the book together. and I replied instantly, Okay that sounds great! So he sent me his addy and I drove in my Toyota 4Runer over there and a little confused cuz I really didn't think he was going to want to be that friendly to me much less at all hangout with me. However, we talked more about Earl Sweatshirt the music I like and then he asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with him and then I said I am sorry to be lame but I don't smoke weed really and I was relieved he was the first person I had met that didn't make feel bad and uncool for not smoking marijuana. Then he said let's go over the textbook finally, and so we did but only for like 5-7 minutes, we were both not very invested in it. We started playing video games. Then my insane father, called me and I told him I met up to go over our textbook and study with a friend and then I am going to the library after. Then my dad tracked my location and said know you are at a person's house and immediately thought I was doing something bad or something and thought I was having sex with him and yelled at me and told me to come home or he is coming over there. I was 19 and I know I was living with my parent still I was old enough now, to hangout with a friend at their house even if it is a guy. I wasn't in high school anymore and I thought it was insulting that he thought I would have sex with something I literally just met in one day. We kept seeing each other more and more, I could tell by the way he smiled at me even though we weren't together, I know even though we were friends he liked me. Yes we had been intimate a lot but it was not like the sparks and the chemistry weren't there so most of the time you could not even really label it. I hate that word, it is so gross sounding, friends with benefits, but yes whatever, we were on paper friends with benefits. It took a little over a year until he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. I was soo happy... I immediately started crying with happiness, soo happy tears, I was speechless. I had felt so honored and to feel like all that time sitting in agony and that dreadful limbo and turmoil not knowing if we were going to be actually boyfriend a girlfriend and almost giving up on him asking me to be his girlfriend, that pain in my stomach was finally over.

He taught me so much about how to grow, inspired me to really push myself harder in my academics and made me realize I am capable of getting an A in class I would have thought I would have gotten an average, or, D or worse grade in more rigorous courses in a more challenging learning environment that is college. Additionally, he taught me how to conduct myself a bit more maturely within social settings, how best to tackle the obligations of being a young adult. I loved him so deeply and so intensely and I still do.

Next up: I learned how love takes more than just loving and thinking someone is awesome all around the edges and corners and to change behaviors and tones with your other you love and do anything to make them happy or to simply and humbly be there for them.

To be continued..