How I Gave Up 3 of my Long-Standing Beliefs and Surprisingly Found Peace

Meet the person who believed that she got it all figured out from a young age and loved to share it with the world (surprise, me!)

I was and still the go-to person when my friends and family need a bit of motivation.

I had a very clear picture of how life should be at 15–To become a famous doctor by graduating from a top medical university in the state then become a pediatric neurosurgeon, get married by 25, have my second child by 29 and settle down in the US with my family in a beautiful mansion and be the aspirational figure for all.

Touted by my teachers as a model student, the next topper of our state in the high school exams that would determine our career, (that is a matter of enormous pride for the school, parents, my relatives and even the auto driver who drops me daily to school), everything seemed possible, heck even easy.

Today I am 30, single, engineering postgraduate working in a business domain I love, recovering from severe depression and smiling at my bruised ego when typing this.

After years of thinking about what went wrong, why am I settling for less than I am capable of, wallowing in fear, falling from unshakeable confidence to feeling incapable and lost, my 20s have been a mix of overthinking, learnings and slowly coming in terms with myself.

Here are the three strongest beliefs I chose to let go of:

1.) Everything happens for a reason

“Accept – then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.” ― Eckhart Tolle

This was my long-held belief when I got a (shockingly?) low rank that would end my medical dreams and secure me a seat in a decent engineering college when I did not end up in the high paying companies when I did not find the one and settle down unlike others.

This continued until the day my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I will spend full two years trying to interpret the reason she had to suffer through this, why I had to lose my biggest support mentally yet have here physically present looking at me without knowing what we both had lost, what lesson was God trying to teach me through all this and eventually – I fell into severe depression.

It all sounds cruelly funny now but losing a loved one mentally is one of life’s harshest humor ever.

Years ago, I was shaken by the below beautiful TED talk – Everything happens for a reason” – and other lies I’ve loved by Kate Bowler years before my ordeal.

I could relate to her pain only then.

I was in disbelief and resisted the situation with all my might trying to look for a reason. We were good people who never harmed a soul, my mother is such a strong woman, a fighter throughout her life – then why us?

There was simply no reason at all.

Today, I readily accept situations and simply take action.

Doing the right thing, even the smallest thing was what helped me through the turmoil, and embracing the truth without a filter called reason keeps me grounded.

It helps me appreciate the life we have had before and have now.

She is recovering now and sometimes I do get a glimpse of her old self, which are my most precious moments for the week. Admittedly, I keep looking forward to them.

2.) Good things happen to good people

I wish I could meet the person who made the world believe this lie.

Happiness, tragedies could strike anyone. Period.

No amount of kindness, loving the world, donating to charities can secure a safe future for us and our loved ones.

I do not mean to water down all positivity in the world with my cynicism but taking life with a pinch of salt does help remove complications.

I do want to dream, save up, travel, hustle for my goals like the rest yet when they do not work out, I do not want to hide behind the assumption that things will turn out good simply because I am a good person.

I found that questioning myself helps when I feel overwhelmed – have I done everything possible in my ability?

3.) The need to make it Big in Life

What was my obsession with being better than the rest?

The headiness of being rewarded top grades, applause, being looked up to, proving others wrong, competition, setting an example of excellence was fuelling my dreams previously.

Now I wonder if those dreams were even mine.

Social media has only strengthened this idea, this almost necessity to live a gram-worthy spectacular life.

Today, I am still an ambitious person with a different work ethic – Work for work's sake.

The happiness I get when I learn a new concept after long hours of struggle and discuss it with my amazing team bright-eyed, the light bulb moment when I figure out how applications map to our business, the ‘you go gal’ moments when I complete my workout routine for the day, the tiny bit of determination that seeps in when I refuse to eat that cake when it is not my cheat day is my daily little victories and I live for them.

Closing Thoughts

All in all, nothing in life is too hyped up enough to take away the beauty, the rawness, the importance of the present – the truth.

The Universe is under no obligation to make sense to you. – Neil deGrasse Tyson

Embracing the uncertainties and taking action should make this journey worthwhile.

Article previously published in the Medium.