How Do You Know You've Found "The One?"
First Issue: How They Make You Feel
Everyone dreams of finding that special person to spend their lives with, it' a natural thing after all. Humans are conditioned to want and almost need social connections, interactions, and the sort.
Now, we've all seen the famous stories in books and movies about love. However, don't go thinking you need to be kissing any frogs, listening out for a damsel in distress, or anything of the sort to find your special sweetheart! After all, I'm sure many of us know there's no musical number that leads to or dream soul mate, as easy as that would be... But it's not too hard to find out if the person you're with is truly the one you were meant to be with.
In this part, we'll be talking about how this special person makes you feel when you're with them, when you're not with them, etc.
Now, I know what many people are being led to believe through the romance novels, especially ones we've all read as teens. It's supposed to feel like there's "butterflies in your stomach." Many people link that with nervousness, shyness, or happiness. And it is a feeling we more often than not get! But the fact of the matter is this: That feeling isn't permanent.
Blasphemy! I know! What do you mean by that? Well, what I mean is this: You don't always get that feeling, not to say you won't be happy with them, you will be — but you don't always feel that little flutter of wings all the time. Do you know why?
After about three to five months, depending on how often you're with them, you are coming to where you already really know that person well. You know a lot about them, their likes, dislikes, favorites, how they speak, how they text, how they act around friends or family, a lot of it! You know them. There's no reason for anxiety or nervousness at this point, especially as you approach one year anniversary.
So, please, don't think that just because you lost the butterflies that the magic is gone! It means you've grown to where you are much closer to each other, you know each other well enough that you could order for each other with no questions asked Except sometimes it may be a better idea to ask first! Sometimes your partner wants a change in what they order!
Another thing that kind of links in with the feelings of butterflies is the oh, so famous, rapid heartbeat. Remember that time when you first met your significant other and you could feel the heart pound in your chest, almost to the point that you couldn't hear your own thoughts? When was the last time you felt that with them?
If you're like most committed couples, maybe there's only one instance you can think of when your heart is racing. And if there's anything I've learned from psychology professors and other adults in my life, the only reason someone should be making your heart race is if you're in the bedroom with them. Otherwise, that other reason becomes that you're scared. And that anxiety is no longer about "Oh, I'm just so nervous to talk to them!" like when you were just beginning, months down the road. You shouldn't feel like you're scared to talk to your partner, walking on eggshells with them, or anything like that. After all, communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship. More on that later, however.
All in all, that means no more racing heart. Unless, of course, you're exercising, spooking and pranking each other, those kinds of things. But not just because you're in the same room with each other.
Another thing, you're always supposed to be happy, right? Everything is all sunshine and rainbows!
Okay, I know none of us are silly enough to believe that, but it's still something to address too! You aren't going to be happy all the time.
Let me say that again.
You. Will not. Always. be. Happy.
It's a hard truth that you learn as you grow up because when you're younger, you want to believe your parents had no worries, and that fights were just something in a family sitcom, and it's over with a simple hug and kisses to apologize.
But it isn't just that.
This isn't to scare anyone, but it is a reality. You won't always be happy. But you won't always be angry or sad either.
Fights are a healthy inclusion in a relationship, as scary as that is to hear, but think about this a moment. Imagine a relationship with absolutely no fights. It sounds good on paper, but then think about this too.
You and your significant other literally agree on everything. You don't take a different stand than them. You don't have anything you think differently about. You don't have different ideas. You don't have anything to change their perspective on. It's...nothing.
Now, I'm not saying start World War III over, "You didn't take out the trash AGAIN!" but I am saying that it's okay to disagree on things. In fact, I and my boyfriend early on had a spat over the fact that after coming home with him, and having spent almost a week with him previously, I talked to my family more than I talked to him when I was at the house. It wasn't a vicious fight, nothing with hateful words and tears, but instead me not understanding his point of view, and him not seeming to understand mine.
In the beginning of that fight, before we could really talk it out (as I was on a trip for work when the dispute was brought up), it started as a spat, then it turned into us sitting in silence on the phone, trying to talk it out and give our points of view before we said goodbye because work was starting for me. We didn't call each other again until I got home, but we did text very limitedly. And once we were calm, we gave our sides, we came to understand each other, we apologized, we made up. Simple.
Not every fight works that way, but it is really okay to have those simple spats that don't mean a whole lot, but it does come up once in a while. And sometimes, those spats come to be about something you both have a different stand on. Don't forget that there are ways to compromise and come together.
And as I was saying about happiness, keep this in mind.
You won't always feel this surge of happiness every moment of every day. Not after five and more moths. Instead, you'll start to feel a sense of comfort and peace when with this person. Like I said before, your heart shouldn't race every moment with them after some time, you should be able to lay down with your significant other and feel your heartbeats be even with each other's, and just be calm.
You'll be happy, they'll surprise you, they'll do sweet things for you, but you'll also feel comfortable with them. And sometimes, that is the most wonderful feeling, being able to look next to them and see them sitting there, relaxing with you too.
As I said, this is just to go over some of the things you feel with this person, but it doesn't cover everything. Feel free to venture further with me on this journey about love.
And here, something I want to include, a song of the day (SOTD): "You're Still The One" by Shania Twain.