How do you Decide?

Now whilst the title of this entry is very open-ended and could be construed in many different ways, I will place it in the context of a colleague's leaving do at work.

Now, let's add into this mix that the colleague is not a close one. They are in fact a fellow office human who has crossed your path a few times before, yet you thought it would be of interest to pop by when they pop off.

You doubt yourself for the decision as it could in fact be very awkward when you arrive, as no one else you know is there but regardless, you thought you'd make an effort.

You thought that you would override your instincts and decide to put your best foot forward. It could end up being a key mistake and one which you will regret, depending on what the reaction is like, yet if you don't try, you don't get and life is after all an exercise in experience and ensuring that you make every effort to think of others first.

Something that my Grandad always taught me and something that I hold close. Placing others ahead of yourself is one quick-fire and very easy way in which to make an effort and consider karma.

It is very easy to only think of yourself in this life but that's not how things should be seen. Things should be seen as a journey, a marathon, rather than a sprint and giving back is nothing to be embarrassed about or feel awkward about.

It should be an easy consideration but when your mind has such a draw over your life, you have to take note and consider that which is around you.

Arriving for the goodbye I felt conflicted. I considered just turning back and not caring but realistically that would have done my mental health greater damage than arriving and that is something that I know would have annoyed me.

I am 34 years of age. I have been around the bush and understand what is required, but then not even that, I understand the effects of infection and how much more damaging they can be.

We can consider that doing nothing is better for everyone around us, but in reality, the opposite is true. By listening to our conscience and what it is telling us we can get ahead of the trend and ensure that we can walk away with our dignity intact.

That we can tick off that which we need to rather than leaving ourselves open to something that we do not wish to provide. That is what we need to have at the back of our minds.

The future is uncertain but the longer you live the more you can plan around it and take into consideration the trends that continue to emerge within your life.

I attended the event despite much of my life that was pushing me towards not going and whilst many would never have remembered, I know that I would have.

I would have sat at home and felt bad, imagined many possibilities, compared to the reality and the reality is in fact very simple.

No one really cares about anything that is beyond their realms of memory. They ponder certain things but really, memory is finite and it is limited in the sense that it can be changed and it can be altered.

For me personally, I have found that the French exit is the preferable way and means by which to leave an event (a French exit is when you leave and do not tell anyone or say goodbye).

By choosing this style of exit you prove that really no one gives a shit about you, they merely give a shit about your presence and that is what is essential and should always be remembered.

To do otherwise would be to leave ourselves open to entitlement and my Mum is a key example by which this should not be followed.

I love my Mum but can happily acknowledge that she is entitled. She considers the fact that the world owes her a favour when it does not.

We need to work for what we have and bring others along the journey with us. We cannot assume that they will merely follow us because we are alive, we need to engage with them in an effective manner, one that we cannot control but must adhere towards.

To attend a leaving do, as I have done and expect a warm welcome is nothing more than entitled arrogance and that is something that we need to avoid as life should be earned and not bestowed. To do otherwise is to apply a level of assumption to proceedings that cannot be replicated and that is something that I wish to hold to heart and take note of.

I witnessed the event and managed to have conversations along the journey that enriched my evening but when it came time to leave, I left, as I know that you should never outstay your welcome.

We all have an expiry date and that is something that should be monitored and embraced beyond the level with which it is provided to us on a daily basis. That which keeps us stable.

That which keeps us operating towards a consistent threshold and not towards the sinking of the ship, which writing now, I am pondering because I feel as though the last year of my life was in many ways pointless.

There was no purpose and no real direction. All I needed to do was focus on the points which I was told to and not ponder anything more than that.