How Do I Know If He Loves Me When I Can’t Feel That I Am Loved?

Our Definition of Love

Back when we were kids, we used to define love in our slam books and essays. We used to be so sure what it meant. When we grew up, so many people have shared their own definitions of it with us, and convinced us how wrong we were.

We weren’t realistic. We’re too idealistic! We’ve believed in fairy tales for far too long.

Soon we no longer knew what love really is or if it even exists at all!

We Still Yearn For Love

Deep within however, we still yearned for love. We feel this ache in us, this emptiness that we strive to fill again and again with the wrong kinds of affection.

As a result, we keep on believing in love even if we’re not being loved at all. We keep on saying that our loved ones will change even if it’s evident that they would not. We keep on convincing ourselves that we are loved even if we’re already being cheated or abused.

Signs of Love

How do we know if a person really loves us? Is it enough that he or she tells us so?

It is never enough to merely say it. Love is an active and powerful force that needs to be expressed, and that must be manifested in countless different ways.

It may not be easy to define what love really is, but we can see the signs by which it makes itself visible:

1. Respect

To be respected is to be valued as a person, and for our needs to be taken into consideration, especially those needs accorded to our dignity as human beings.

We can’t say somebody loves us if that person can’t even respect our feelings. If we are constantly ignored, or threatened or forced to do something against our will, respect is absent, and we should doubt the authenticity of the ‘love’ being offered us.

On the other hand, if our needs are taken at heart, and if we feel safe and protected, if we feel valued as a person, it is one indication that love may indeed be present or can be allowed to grow.

2. Commitment

Another sign of love is the ability of the person to commit to the relationship. To be able to devote ourselves is to be able to give of ourselves to something we truly believe in, to something we value most of all.

Commitment is when the other person is willing to devote his time, effort and emotions into the relationship in order to protect it, to cherish it, and to make it grow.

One sure sign of what we value most in life is the time we spend in it. Is work most important to you? Then you must spend a lot of time working. Are your friends valuable to you? Then you must hang out with them a lot. Is your garden important to you? Then you must spend a lot of time taking out the weeds and watering your plants.

Is he devoted to you? Take a look at the time he spends with you. It’s not that he should have no other things to do but hang around with you, but sometimes it’s so obvious how he spends time with seemingly unimportant matters but refuses to spend time to make your relationship grow.

Commitment is a sign of responsibility. It’s something that separates those who just wants to have a good time from those who really seek a love that would last a lifetime.

3. Faithfulness

Faithfulness is not only in being loyal but also in being true.

Is your partner truthful to you, or is he lying most of the time? If he is concealing a lot of things from you, then trust can never be developed. If trust isn’t developed, love also falls apart.

For how could you trust anyone whom you don’t really know? How can you believe in his words when he has misrepresented himself most of the time?

Being faithful to you means you’re not being treated as a mere object for fun or entertainment. It means you are not being used as a replacement for anybody else.

Faithfulness manifests purity of intention in a relationship, something that if carried consistently will deter painful relationship issues in the future such as cheating and betrayal.

Respect, commitment and faithfulness. They seem like old words, but they’re never outdated. They help you find authentic love. They help you find the right people who will not play around with your feelings and then throw you away like trash later on. Look for these signs, and then look for their consistency. We can still find what we’re looking for, we need only to look in the right places, and with the right kind of eyes.

The best partner in life is someone who will help us to love ourselves more!

Why Can’t We Feel That We Are Loved?

Our question now is why we can’t often feel that we are loved as much as we wanted to be loved. Why can’t we fill that hunger to the full? Why can’t we feel that we are truly loved?

1. Because we are not showing others who we really are

Unless we are able to show our true selves, we can’t achieve true intimacy. Even if we get others to love the masks we wear, we would still feel lonely because we know that the person they love isn’t the person we really are.

This is the reason why many books about making someone fall in love with you or getting your ex back doesn’t work. These books tell only half the story. They cater to what the other person wants to see, not to how we are truly seen.

If you want to be loved as you are, you have to have the courage to reveal who you really are and to be loved for that, warts and all, strengths and weaknesses, beauty and flaws.

2. Because we are not allowing ourselves to receive love

There are many of us who would rather give love than receive love. It is good if we are not really starving for love deep within and if we are overflowing with love from a greater Source. But if we are merely trying to hide that hunger and if we are afraid to ask for what we need, how could we ever receive love? Sometimes, we also have to give others the chance to care for us. Let us not let our pride get in the way of receiving love.

3. Because we are not acknowledging other people’s ways of loving us

We may not feel loved because we are not acknowledging other people’s ways of loving us. Other people may not always say that they love us, but they may show it by their works, by their loyalty and devotion. We may not always receive the most expensive gifts, but our beloved may already be giving us his very best. There are different ways of showing love, but only we could decide if we are going to receive the love we are shown.

4. Because we devote more time and attention to people who don’t really care for us

“Often love is offered to you, but you do not recognize it. You discard it because you are fixed on receiving it from the same person to whom you gave it.”― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love

Why do we spend so much time with people who don’t really care for us? We build our world around these people and then feel shattered when we can’t receive from them all that we have expected from the start.

When they tell us they don’t care, we say to ourselves, “nobody really cares”, when we know that isn’t true. Only a few people didn’t care, and their coldness blinded our eyes from receiving what other people around us can still offer us. Let us learn to let go of those people who don’t love us and let us give more time to those who truly care.

Love Must Be Seen and Received

Love isn’t always that far away. We may just be looking for other things or we may not be looking closely enough to see it.

To receive love, we must learn how to recognize love. We must also rid ourselves of things that hinder us from receiving it fully. Only then could our hearts be filled and our emptiness quenched. Only then could we also be vessels that overflow with gratitude and joy!

You may also want to read Jocelyn's book "Mend My Broken Heart". Get it from Amazon today - click here.