Hope

"There's someone else," the words bounce around in my brain, echoing off the walls of my psyche. "I cheated on you."

The day started out good - great, even. We woke up together, she went off to work while I went out with a friend... She called me at work, something she had never done before, just to say hi and tell me that she loved me. I thought things were finally turning around for us.

Afterwards, once everything had been said and done, she told me that she called me to make sure I would be okay without her; she called me to put one last smile on my face before ending it all. And then, a mere two hours after we hung up the phone, she cheated on me. Again.

Our relationship had never been perfect. We had obstacles to climb over from the start, and each time we crossed one mountain, another would appear in the distance. But we had love, and for a while, that was enough. That was what kept us hanging on.

I am brought back to the present moment. My girlfriend - ex-girlfriend? - is staring at me with an anxious expression, awaiting my reaction. I wish I could give her one. I just don't feel anything right now, almost as if there is a switch to my emotions and her words have just flipped it to "off."

"Oh," I state, my voice lacking any feeling.

"Oh?" she repeats hesitantly. She is still looking at me as if I am a bomb that could go off at any minute, and I suppose that maybe, after that bomb - pardon the pun - had just been dropped on me, maybe I am. After all, it's just a matter of time before my emotions turn back on and I will be thrust into a raging pit of sadness and anger.

"That's... Umm..." I struggle to find words. All I want to do is curl up into a ball and sleep for eternity. Finally I settle on, "Why?"

Bella sighs. "I don't know," she admits, her eyes flickering down to her fidgeting hands. "It all just happened so fast. I felt a spark with her that I hadn't felt with you in a long time, and I acted on it."

I hum in response, her words digging the knife in deeper. Just wait until I have to face the wound later. I don't blame her for not feeling a spark anymore - the flame between us went out a long time ago and we both knew it; we both knew we were just holding on to familiarity for months - but what I do blame her for is the actual act of it. She just confessed to initiating the affair.

Silence settles over us like a blanket, but one of those cooling ones that are cold to the touch. Blue eyes keep searching my hazel ones, yet find nothing there. I can't give an indication of something I don't feel. "So..." Bella finally breaks the silence. I know her well enough to know it's because she wants the awkwardness to end. She's never done well in situations like this despite her efforts to become more comfortable with the uncomfortable. "What now?"

I sigh, my lungs inflating like a balloon being the first thing I've felt since she told me we were over. "I think it would be best if you left," I tell her, my gaze - and tone - unwavering.

For the first time tonight, my ex looks... broken. "But I have nowhere else to go," she says, her own tone borderline pleading.

"Oh, I'm sure your mistress will take you in." It's a cruel stab, but I say it nonetheless.

She takes a shuddering breath. Nods. Heads to the bedroom to pack her things.

Bella packing and making arrangements to stay somewhere - I was right, one of the girls she cheated with for four months took her in - took all of an hour, and then she was out the door and out of my life. And as the door slams shut, the dam finally breaks. The shuddering of the walls are enough to jostle that emotion switch into turning back on, and one by one the tears start to fall. Sobs wrack my body. I wrap my arms around my torso, as if, somehow, holding myself will hold all of the pieces of my shattered heart together. I have never felt pain like this before. The girl I gave my all to for years, gone in the blink of an eye. Like our time together was just a blip in the timeline of my life, a stepping stone from one chapter to the next.

I slowly sink down onto my knees. What do I do now? What do I do when I lose my everything, leaving me with seemingly nothing? Where do I go from here?

Eventually I am able to drag myself to bed. It still smells like her. That only makes the tears fall faster, harder. I cry myself to sleep, but as I linger on the edge of oblivion, I tell myself that this is the only night I am allowed to spend crying for my lost love. After all, why should I think about her? I never even crossed her mind every time she went to cheat.

For one whole day after the breakup, I dwell in my despair, latching onto every memory involving Bella that comes to mind throughout the day. But after that, I begin to pick up the pieces. I work towards healing. I'm not going to be the one stuck reminiscing. And, over time, it works. My confidence builds, my scars heal, my happiness soars. And, eventually, I find another love. One that I know is going to stick around because they prove it to me time and time again.

I roll my eyes at Hope's actions, but I can't suppress the small smile that threatens to break out across my face. "Please?" she asks. I groan as she shoots me her best puppy dog eyes - the ones I can never say no to.

My girlfriend is currently on her knees in front of me, her hands clasped in front of her as she begs me to watch her favorite movie for the millionth time. "Fine," I eventually give in. Her beam is worth it.

I hear my phone buzz on the couch next to me as Hope skips off to turn the movie on. A mixture of shock and dread fill me as I see that it's someone I rarely think of anymore, save for the random memory now and then. It's Bella.

"Hey. I hope you're doing well. If you're up for it, I'd like to meet and talk somewhere. Carly ended up cheating on me. I get how you feel now. Hopefully we can get some closure," the text reads. My anxiety soars.

Closure would be nice, but it's not something I believe in. Closure is just an excuse to talk to someone again, one last conversation that is never just one more conversation. I don't desire to see Bella or hear her voice ever again. But one of the things I realized over these past eight months of healing is that even she can't get under my skin. Not if I don't let her in.

So, I don't. I delete the conversation before shutting my phone off, then turn back to my girlfriend, my heart warming at the sight of her coming towards me once again. She curls into my side as The Princess Bride starts to play - I swear we can both recite every line by heart now - and I already know she'll be asleep by the end of the movie. I love knowing her so well, and I especially love that, like her name suggests, she is Hope. She gives me hope.