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A short story about an inner battle

By Gabriel MohrPublished 3 years ago 5 min read

He sat in his car working hard, trying to make his dreams come to life. He didn't want to be another worker, he thought it was an empty life to stock shelves or serve food. He wanted to make other people feel good, to help them help themselves, should they want to. He wanted to be as regenerative and as helpful as possible through writing, making videos, and connecting with others. Making a lot of money doing it wasn't a terrible idea, either!

But a nasty thought appeared in his mind: since people aren't helping me achieve my goals, that must mean there's either something wrong with me or there's something wrong with them. He pushed it aside. No, he countered in his mind, I don't accept that to be the truth. I can't just tell myself I'm not enough, even if I have more to learn - it's harmful and counterproductive. He continued working and his spirits lifted a little bit.

But his mind wasn't done with him yet! It continued with the negativity. Why don't you just get a job? Who cares about becoming corrupt? Who cares about scamming people? As long as it works, right? He knew better than that, he knew what fed his soul and gave him meaning in life - writing, making videos, making others laugh, straightening up their beliefs and mindsets, thinking… Scamming was just a terrible thing to do to himself and others, even if doing it made him rich. So he ignored the thoughts and let them slide off his back.

More was to come, though. What about your girlfriend? How will you support her when she moves out of her dad's place? Not with writing, you know! That'll never work! His mind had crossed a boundary, and he imagined taking it by the throat and yelling, "you have no place to say that! You, you self-limiting belief, are the sole reason I don't succeed. You hold me back and make me think I can't do it. I've had enough. Away with you." He imagined the thought grimacing and vanishing into the metaphysical depths of his mind.

"You will never make it in anything you choose to do, whether it be writing, making videos, or anything. Doesn't matter what it is. You don't have what it takes, and you'll never have what it takes." Why was he treating himself like this? After all, he knew he had control over his own mind, so why would he let this continue?

He smiled and said, "I choose to stop believing this belief. I choose to disidentify from it. I choose to disidentify from the need to believe this belief. Begone with you." This one was intense, though, he had been subconsciously feeding it for a large part of his life. The psychic momentum was strong, so he worked on it for a little while longer, then continued working.

His thoughts turned towards his woman. He laughed because he remembered that, only a week before meeting her, he decided he wasn't going to seek a relationship while he was living in his car, making far less than he needed to live properly. "I just can't support her," he said out loud to himself, "I'm not able to take her out on proper dates, give her gifts, or anything like that. So I'll wait until I become financially stable."

Then they met, completely unexpectedly. They got to know each other, and she wasn't worried about whether he was making a lot of money, or living in his car. She truly loved him, and he couldn't have been more grateful than he was at that time. She was going to stick with him no matter what, and that also gave him an extra drive to write and be financially successful, for the both of them.

A sudden fear struck him - since he didn't have the proper equipment or environment to make videos, he could never succeed since you NEED to make videos to succeed. At least, that's what he thought - but then he searched "Stephen King" on YouTube and, sure enough, he didn't even have a YouTube channel. Sure, he had done plenty of interviews, but only after he was successful with his writing. Therefore, he thought, it must be possible to succeed by just writing great stories, and that he could start making videos at a later date.

His mind turned to marketing. Marketing has changed so much in the past few years, people are basically immune to ads, how could he possibly get himself out there? How could he get an engaged audience in the short amount of time he had? He told himself that this wasn't the right way of thinking about it, and that he should be writing stories if he enjoys it above everything else. If he enjoyed writing stories then other people would enjoy reading them, right? But then, why didn't they enjoy reading anything on his website? He truly enjoyed writing conscious information from his intelligent mind, but if he looked at the statistics, other people weren't interested.

Deep down he knew that he didn't enjoy writing the kinds of stories that other people wanted to hear, so he sighed a deep, internal sigh. All he wanted to do was make a living writing what he wanted to write, but what he wanted to write was not interesting to other people. There was no niche for conscious information, for thinkers in general. No one cared about thinking, they just wanted to be entertained after work. He had written well over 100,000 words at that point, almost 100 posts, and none of them were picked up Google's algorithm. He was getting the same 200 page views per month he always got. Something had to change, but what exactly?

"Well," he said to himself, "the first thing I should change is my mindset. I should tell myself I enjoy writing stories. I should tell myself I can make a living by spreading conscious information, and writing what I enjoy writing about. I should tell myself that I will make so much authentic money that it'll be more than enough for me and my woman. More than enough…"

He wondered if he was lying to himself. But no, he was going to stick to his guns and keep doing what he enjoyed doing, even though it seemed pointless in the moment!

It wouldn't take long for him to be momentarily rewarded, however. He would unexpectedly stumble upon and enter a contest concerning a small black book and a $20,000 check. He would write the short stories and submit them, genuinely doing his best to make sure the stories were as amazing as he could possibly make them. At the end of the contest he'd be rewarded with the $20,000 along with a black book - they were mailed to him, but he hasn't opened the book yet! Perhaps that'll be an adventure for another time...


About the Creator

Gabriel Mohr

Hey everyone, my name's Gabriel! I love writing short stories, spreading conscious knowledge, and positivity! Author of 3 books :)

Check out my website!

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