Hitting rock bottom

Life has never been easy for me, there was always something terrible from the very beginnings of my child hood. I like to think I am a strong person who after much turmoil is now ready to face the world and no longer feels pain. I was wrong, the feeling never fades away and it never feels any better.

Just when I thought I was going to have some peace for a little while, it all hit me at once. I had applied as a manager at my job, I held on to that dream for 3 years. I watched new employees get the opportunity over and over but I never gave up. after those three years I finally was given the opportunity, and I thought finally ! I am so close, and then it was taken from me quickly. Worst part is the entire work team was aware of it and one of them went against me. How did they find out? I have no clue.

The person who taught against me for the position ended up getting it. This isn’t the worst part of it all. I ended up getting Covid emediatly after, maybe my immune system was down so I was unable to attend work for the next 2 weeks. Soon after, when I got back I got fired I was told I no longer worked there. If you want to see the story more in detail I have it on my page here on vocal.

I ended up with no job and I was applying at different places, non of them ever called me and when I called I would get nothing more than; “We will call you once we check your application”. It was like this for 3 months straight, and I tryed to sell some clothes, and makeup items to try to stay afloat. I also tryed my very best not to spend too much even at the grocery store. I felt like there was no help either way I turned. Then I finally hit rock bottom…

No, I didn’t go homeless, I just had enough of everything. I had enough from the way people treated me constantly, even my family at times, enough of the backstabbing, enough of me trying the hardest and getting nothing, enough of trying so much. Worse, all this was happening to me during the holidays. To add on to everything, I had a Valentine’s Day date that I got stood up for. It just never ended, I had so much going on at one time that I did just that. I gave up, I could no longer pick myself up, I was at the bed of the tunnel, the end of the rope, the end of the stick.

The worst feeling came over me, I realized I no longer wanted to live. The lack of support and kindness made things much worse. I got to the stage of me not wanting to get up from were I laid for hours. The sadnes and frustration was too much to bare, it’s the feeling of being useless to yourself and the world. Then you start to question what was my purpose after all, completely useless.

My mother walked in on me balling my eyes out, how embarrassing. I remember I would just sleep all day and night and when I did wake up it was just to the realization again and I would cry. I had to tell her I no longer wanted to live because if I do not tell anyone I will do just that.

Luckily she got me to go to the store with her somehow, it took a lot of convincing. She did the best she could that day to make everything better, I’m very greatful for her.

The next day I woke up brand new, I started again as soon as I got up on those applications, I showed up the day to not 1 but 2 interviews that I got called for. It felt so good, I never had an interview in those 3 months before. I was very excited, I ended up getting hired at both places and now I have not one but 2 very good jobs. I also, ended up getting paid double and triple than what I would of made as a manager at my old job. It’s incredible how you have to loose so much sometimes to get something greater than you ever expected. I have been working at my 2 jobs now for 4 months, it’s been a success. I no longer worrie about spending on things I like, and I can go anywhere any time. If I were to give any advise this is what it would be: trust the process, trust that God is leading you in the right direction even when you feel he has abandoned you, he never did, he was just working on something greater for you. I learned patience, and trust during this time. I am very happy I the place I am in now and I am even more excited and greatful of this life and what awaits for me. Life is more thrilling and fun now than it ever was before. Im glad I didn’t take my life away. It’s unbelievable how things work. I got both jobs just a day after I gave up on life. I began to gain respect

Wait a little longer, you don’t know what tomorrow holds, when you give up and you think it’s over is exactly when the Oportunity presents itself. Thank you for reading my nonsense,I much appreciate it. I’ll see you soon on another life story.