*Heartbreak is the top two worst feeling, and it ain't two.

by essamey 2 months ago in breakups

Or whatever Beyonce said

*Heartbreak is the top two worst feeling, and it ain't two.

That may, or may not depending on who you're speaking to, be an exaggeration. But in the moment, it definitely feels like it.

The hardest part of my heartbreak was having to process my thoughts, look inwardly, and ask myself - how did you allow yourself to get here?

Blame.

I first blamed him. Of course it's his fault, that b*ch a*$ n*ga. How dare he not love me the way I deserved to be loved? How could you say one thing yet act in a completely different way? Why wasn't I enough - how could you at least not want to try and make this work? It was hard to reflect on these thoughts because they triggered insecurities I never knew I had. Sometimes it can empower a woman and make her realise that man was never good enough for her anyway, which I would encourage and reassure to any woman. As for me, rejection played out a different tune in my head; "if only you wasn't so xxx" "why can't you be more like xxx" "this is why no one will ever want you"

Queen, if you've ever had the same thoughts play out in your head, please remember that nothing you do, or don't do, warrants a man to disrespect you and choose to not see your worth.

Shame.

If we're keeping it two virgils, I knew it couldn't work out. He told me, I didn't listen, now we here. Cry'n n sh*. But I did't want to let him go or to settle for just "being friends". It's rare to come across a man who meets the standards you seek after in a partner. Even though he came in a packaging that would be the very barrier to a relationship forming between us, I was so adamant to make things work. But that's where I took the L - it was only me hoping to make things work. I put in so much time, effort, energy & resources to get this boy to realise my worth and to fight for me - to fight for us to be together. I began to blame myself for being so stupid for only seeing the facts from my perspective, for giving so much of myself and expecting so much more than what I was left with. *[redacted from title] Chasing after a man who doesn't want you is definitely top 2, and it ain't two.

Sis, take a man and what he says at face value and stop trying to read through the lines. They don't exist, it's just you and your imagination.

Courage.

It takes a different type of courage to g check yourself, realise the part you played, and carry your L with your head up. It took encouragement, support and hope in greater things to come (and a short lived hoe phase) but ultimately, it takes time. Time to process, time to heal, time to learn and time before moving on. I still have moments where I think back and reflect on the good times we had, and even want it back. But then I remind myself of the stages prior to this, and I'm quickly humbled that I don't ever want to go through that again.

Babe, heartbreak is sh* yeah, but just remember that when a man wants to be with you there is absolutely no confusion, no doubts, no ifs no buts. And word to @saneeero on Twitter: remember to die before explaining to a guy how to treat you right xxx

Love,

Someone who's going through it.

breakups
essamey
essamey
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