Heartache and Hope Away from My Love

In September of 2019, I met the love of my life. In December, I visited him in his native country of Haiti, which was where we got engaged. When I returned home, I filed a petition for him to get a fiancé visa so he could come to the U.S. to marry me.

Then everything fell apart.

When lockdown went into effect in March, the immigration system came to a screeching halt. Even after U.S. Customs and Immigration Services approved our petition in July of 2020, we still had to wait. They sent the petition to the National Visa Center. Under normal circumstances, a petition stays at NVC for just a few weeks before it gets forwarded to the consulate that will conduct the immigrant visa interview.

Our petition is still at NVC, and given the recent surge of COVID-19 cases in Haiti, it looks like we still have a long wait ahead of us.

It has been about a year and a half since I held my love’s hand, since I spoke to him without worrying that a poor phone connection would interrupt our conversation, since I shared a meal with him, since I sat next to him in a car and simply admired his brilliant smile. It has been a year and a half of hope alternating with heartache while we long for the day we can say “I do.”

Sometimes, I get pretty down about our situation. I have shed more than a few tears, and I have felt a sting when I see happy couples who can enjoy the simple pleasure of being in each other’s presence. Despite all of that, there are a few silver linings to the situation.

Our Bond Is Getting Stronger

We don’t have the advantage of physical touch to help us strengthen our bond, but we find other ways to deepen our connection. On a typical day, my love and I spend at least a few hours on the phone together, and we often smile at each other during video calls. Our long and deep conversations continue to impress on me just what a wonderful man I am going to marry.

We have learned a lot about how to communicate with each other. We laugh together, sympathize with each other, learn about each other’s cultures, and sometimes, we are simply together without saying a word.

I’m Making Financial Preparations

Money is awful. Downright awful. I’m not good at managing it, and I don’t like to think about all of the financial challenges that my love and I might face in the future. Since he won’t be able to legally work for a few months after he gets here, it will be on me to support both of us. I feel some pressure, of course, but I’m also learning a lot about how to manage money, how to set priorities in spending, and how to save. (Honestly, I still have a long way to go in this area, but I’m working on it.)

I’m Becoming More Generous

Before I met my love, I tended to hoard my solitude. I enjoyed being with close friends and family, but honestly, I only felt relaxed when I was alone. My love has taught me how to be more generous with myself. I have learned to be there for him and for our relationship, even when I would rather be curled up in a blanket watching reruns of an ancient TV drama. I still value my alone time, but I have realized that I don’t need as much of it as I thought I did.

I’m also becoming more generous materially. My love has a good job, but he isn’t rich by any means. When I went to visit him in Haiti, he had just been off of work for several months due to violent civil protests in his area. He and his family still found the funds to treat me like a queen. After I came home, I began to be more generous with my own possessions, whether it be money or other goods. I’m grateful for their example and for the opportunity they have given me to become a better person.

I’m Developing Patience

When my love and I are finally together, the months we have spent apart will disappear as if they were a flash of lightning or the blink of an eye. Now, though, I feel like I have been trapped forever. Waiting. Waiting more. And after the waiting, more waiting. Patience doesn’t come naturally to me, but this situation is forcing me to learn. There is no deadline on love, and there is no deadline for the plans that my love and I are making for our future. Romance isn’t a race. It is one of the most precious human experiences, and there is nothing wrong with slowing down to savor every aspect of it.

I’m Getting to Know Myself

As humans, we inevitably form an image of ourselves in our mind. Sometimes that image is accurate, and at other times, it’s distorted. Through my experiences with my love, and with waiting to marry him, my mental picture of myself has come into greater focus. My love has helped me recognize some of my strengths that I never gave much thought to before; he always focuses on my good qualities, and sometimes he surprises me with what he says. I have also learned about some areas where there is huge room for improvement (like patience), and that’s okay.

All Bad Things Are Temporary

I’m grateful that COVID-19 hasn’t touched me or my family with illness, but it has affected me in other painful ways. Nothing about the world situation is fair, and after the pandemic is over, more challenges will come — but they are temporary. And they are opportunities. Opportunities to learn and grow. Opportunities to appreciate what I have instead of pining for what I don’t.

I want the hope to outweigh the heartache.