Healthy

I've had several so-called "health journeys" throughout my adult life. Some were done with others, some on my own.

I recently started examining how I approach healthy living now compared to when I was younger, and I've noticed some interesting differences.

I was pretty active when I was in my teens and early twenties; between walking to classes, volleyball, theatre, and ballroom dance club, there were plenty of things to keep me up and moving.

Interestingly enough, I did have a phase when I suddenly became obsessed with my weight - started tracking my calories and working out, and was weighing myself nearly every day. I was by no means overweight at the time, but it was the first of many attempts to lose weight.

That fizzled out after a while, but it came up again a few years later. By this point I'd moved away from home and was working full time as a teacher - you'd think that moving around a classroom and taking students to different places in the building would count for something, but there was an added element that wasn't present when I was in college; stress. Not just normal stress, but the stress of the balancing act that was working with multiple classes of students, going to meetings, working with parents, data, and more.

Now my weight was going up, and I had begun squeezing myself into outfits by using waist trainers to hide the parts of my body that I wasn't pleased with. It was a struggle, though, so I determined that I was going to try this whole fitness thing again.

My money was a little tighter, but I was determined to try to cook better and try meal prepping. I know that some people don't like leftovers, but I grew up on leftovers so I decided to give it a try. It worked quite well for a long time. I was going to the gym at my apartment complex on a pretty regular basis. I even had signs that I printed and posted on the doors in my house with my goal weight and "no more waist trainers!" in big, bold letters, thinking that would motivate me.

It worked for a while. Then I moved again and it fell off.

There were a few half-hearted attempts for a few years, but nothing formal. Then a friend and I decided to do the Daniel Fast for New Year - a 21-day fast that is basically vegan. It was a combination of a spiritual and physical reset, and it worked well for me. Starting January 2nd, I would follow this diet. I was also exercising, but not at the gym - I played a rhythm boxing game on my Switch, which was both fun and challenging and made me feel like I was in a kung fu movie. I lost a good bit of weight as well, which helped to keep me motivated.

But after the 21 days were up, I would slowly fall back into my old eating ways, stop working out, and overall just go back to how things were before. (I stopped wearing waist trainers, though.)

It wasn't until 2020, when we were all stuck at home, that I started really considering how I was eating and exercising. Sitting at home on the computer all day wasn't even getting me even the bare minimum exercise, so I knew that I had to do something.

So I started taking walks. I vaguely remembered someone talking about walking being one of the best kinds of exercise, and I enjoyed being outside without the fear of catching this virus that we didn't know enough about. I fell off once we went back to the building, but I still found myself escaping every now and then to the path that I discovered that was near my house. It is a beautiful path and provided a lot of fodder for my imagination. Especially when I was trying to work out something for my writing in my brain - walking alongside a river was very helpful.

In 2022 I worked a summer job on a college campus that required me to do a lot of walking up and down hills. I found myself out of breath almost every walk, my heart racing and drenched in sweat. I chalked it up to being out of shape and it being extremely hot outside. I got some energy drinks with electrolytes and decided to be better about exercising.

A month later, I was walking with a friend through her city to a park for us to fly kites with her kids. It was a warm day, but the distance wasn't very long and I wasn't worried about getting tired. But by the time that we got to the park, I had to sit down before I fainted. One of her kids went to get me a water bottle, and she lay out a blanket for me to catch my breath. I again thought it was just being out of shape and the heat, as well as not eating anything beforehand.

That same month I found out that I was anemic, which explained my lack of energy and stamina. It explained why any type of physical activity had been so difficult for me, and made me feel better about taking it easy on myself and admitting that things were just hard sometimes.

I think that this was the beginning of my shift in mindset when it came to eating right and exercising. After my fibroids were removed and my recovery was complete, I slowly started easing myself back into exercising.

When summer came, I decided that it was important for me to work out daily since I wasn’t working and spent most of my day sitting. I started small, riding the exercise bike in my apartment’s gym. I found that it was a wonderful opportunity to get some reading in. I read physical books, then moved to my iPad, and then finally got a Kindle. I was proud of myself for having a steady habit, as well as for thinking proactively about how to adjust my routine for going back to work.

When school started back, I started varying my workouts, buying my own weights and starting workouts to target different muscle groups. I was so proud of myself for just working out to be healthy, not to lose weight. I felt like the change of focus was what helped to motivate me.

However.

I went for my annual physical and was mortified that I weighed in at the heaviest I’ve been in my life. I couldn’t understand why; since my anemia had been cured, I had more energy and had been working out regularly. I tried to moderate my portions and not go overboard with foods that I knew weren’t good for me.

It took a lot of effort not to immediately go into panic mode because I was unhappy with where my weight was. Thankfully I’m surrounded by encouraging people who remind me not to go nuclear and start pushing myself so hard that I burn out and quit.

I began looking critically at what could have contributed to my weight gain and researching the best ways to lose weight - but also on easy ways to adjust rather than drastic changes.

I decided to try meal prepping again - but I wanted it to be purposeful, something that I could handle long-term. I started following pages on social media that showed easy meal-prep-friendly recipes and plans and started planning for snacks and desserts so that I wouldn’t feel the need to default to sugary snacks. I even started planning what meals I could prep for half of the week to keep myself from getting burnt out on the same meal for the whole week.

In short, this new health journey is different because of my intentions. I’m working to find things that will, as we say in education, set me up for success. I’m not stressing over every little weight fluctuation (in fact, I hid my scale under my bed so I don’t weigh myself every day). I’m giving myself grace and leeway for going out with friends, just needing some chocolate, or even taking an extra day off from working out. It’s a lifestyle change that will be sustainable in the long term.

I’m excited to see where it takes me.