Hats

The many hats we wear identify us, "Label" us and define our days in this life we live. At one time or another, you have probably worn more than one hat. Perhaps you found yourselves juggling multiple hats, switching them out as the day went by. If that hat suited you, you tried it on and went forward through your day, doing the best you could to wear the hat you needed at the moment. Did it fit you? Did you wear it well?

The Parent Hat

Long before I was even ready, I tried on the parent hat. I was 19 years old, and no, that hat didn't fit. I felt out of place, out of my depth, and like I was drowning when I first put on the dad hat.

This hat took me nine months to figure out its' biggest secret. I didn't know if I could do the job and did I ever make mistakes. This hat came with the ultimate consequence for a young man, responsibility. But, what I learned about the dad hat was that it simply has to fit. So I forced my head into that hat, determined to try to do the job that I had in front of me.

On October 10th, 1991, at 7:30 in the morning, that hat started to feel a little less tight around my head. As the nurses put my son into my arms for the first time, his mother exhausted from what was about 45 minutes of labor, I knew. I knew at that moment that no matter how scary, how difficult, or exhausting the job might be I would keep trying to get it right.

The Spouse Hat

Perhaps, of all the hats I tried on, this was the one that I put on feeling the most assured. I had a great example of the honorable way men treat their wives. It wasn't perfect, but it included things like loyalty, commitment, family, and it felt like a good example to follow. Of course, I didn't spend much time in the spouse hat.

Just five months after marrying my sons' mother, what feels like forever ago, she announced that she wanted a divorce and that despite her insistence that she loved me and wanted to be married to me just six months earlier, she'd never loved me. God, were we ever young.

Never again would I put the spousal hat back on. It's not that I wouldn't, it's just not something that happened again.

Work Hats

Many jobs out there require an actual hat. They aren't just metaphorical. In recent years, people may have noticed a move away from the militaristic uniform hats. Ball caps became a thing for a while, and are still used by some departments. I spent about half of my life wearing one of these hats.

These hats are the equivalent of a one size fits all hat. When you put on a uniform hat as a member of a police agency, a corrections agency, or any type of first response agency, you are wearing what I like to call the hat of "many names."

The uniform and job, if you ask a lot of the public, is supposed to mean just protect and serve. It doesn't stop there. Many times you have to wear the hat of a counselor. It's not a bad thing, it's just not what you're trained for. Responding to suicidal calls, whether you're on the street or working in lock-up, you have to manage a situation where someone is having a mental health emergency. Many of the emergencies are short-term in nature. Depression, anxiety, and fear of the current situation have driven someone to give up and become hopeless.

You wear the hat of a writer. Everything you do has to be written down. Everything that you see matters to someone. Whether it's something that is ending up in court, something that needs to be reported to your superiors, or something that needs remembering, it all has to be written while keeping in mind that people may later judge what you've recorded.

The Friend Hat

Friendships come, and friendships go, and with each one, you'll be wearing the friend hat. Acting as a friend sometimes requires the ability to balance between your needs, your job, your responsibilities, and your obligations to your friends.

Friendships are relationships that require some work, and a large amount of understanding. Many of my friends are people that I barely speak to anymore. Maintaining those friendships requires time and communication. We have to remember to pick up the phone once in a while, send a text message, say happy birthday over social media, or stop for a visit from time to time. The hardest part of wearing the friend hat is remembering that the older we get, the friend hat requires more understanding than ever.

We all get busy. We go from being young and carefree to being in relationships, even marriages. Eventually, we buy homes, focus on careers, and the inevitable blossoming of our family. Kids take a large amount of our time and energy. Eventually, we won't have as much time to put energy into our friendships.

The Us Hat

Whatever hat it is that you wear the most, eventually you have to take that hat off and unwind. Our hobbies, or likes, or interests have to be pursued. We can't let ourselves get lost. Losing one's identity of self is an unhealthy place to be. Our mental health is never more important than it is today.

At the time of this writing, we are nearly two years into a global pandemic. The pandemic has left a lasting impression on the entire world. There is a labor shortage in America, and experts predict that it could worsen in the coming months due to vaccine resistance. Inflation is soaring, supply chain issues are starting to affect the markets, and our leaders are driving us crazy.

There's never been a time in modern history that people have been wearing more hats but the one that we have to take time to focus on is the "us" hat. We can't forget that we need taken care of, we need to make sure that we can continue to function in the increasingly complicated world.

Taking breaks for things is important, even if it means a break from people. Go sit and paint, go for a solitary walk in the park and explore nature, sit outside and breathe in some fresh air, or hit the gym regularly. Draw, paint, play video games or explore that new dish in the kitchen. Do something that makes you feel happy. It is the most important thing any of us can do if we're going to survive this world.