Hart: A Brief First Love Story - Journal Entries 2 & 3

September 11th, 2007

*2nd Date with “Hart”*

*Also of Added Note and Interest:

~ the first 3 Journal Entries in this Hart: First Love series are written in Green ink.

~ It Is Very Possible that the reactions I write We Both had after viewing 3:10 to Yuma were in Truth just my own reaction. For some reason I feel the old me writing this may have projected that we both reacted emotionally to the film when, in fact, it may Very Well have just been me who experienced that way. I believe my old self could possibly embellish something like this if I am Honest Here.

- I believe this will be the shortest & (possibly) most mundane journal entry in the series.

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We meet at around 5:30 p.m.

He meets Kiernan (my housemate).

I’m tired and out of it when he arrives.

We head out in his mini-cooper.

He plays Tom Petty. He grew up listening to him with his Mom.

We go searching for dinner.

We discuss how I could learn to drive a stick shift car.

He says he’ll teach me.

I feel so young around him. He seems like he’s lived lifetimes.

I enjoy his company.

He’s so Carefree & Patient. Where did he come from?

We saw 3:10 to Yuma and both Loved it. Both moved by the poignancy and choked up our emotions. I think 3:10 could be a early contender for Best Picture of the Year.

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XoxOxoXOxoXoxOXoxOxoX

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September 14th & 15th, 2007

“Hart” - date 3

Note: I opened this journal entry series Here On Vocal with both our ages and birthdays featured at the beginning of Journal Entry #1. So, technically, you, the reader, already Know these details. However, this Journal Entry #3 is the point at which I , myself, learn his middle name (as reflected in my physical journal opening where I wrote his full name A.W.H. jotted down) & his age/birthday (which I have also jotted down):

“August 23rd is his birthday. 24 years old...”

Now; Allow Us to Begin Journal Entry #3, Lovers/Dreamers/Friends

🙏 Thank U for taking this Healing Journey With me 🙏

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Met Hart at Bryn Mawr {Chicago train stop}. He is in a jacket and later I would learn a button down shirt.

He {expressed concern} that I had waited longer than he intended.

I Deny that, yet slowly shiver as we walk further.

We walk by the street that {appears to be at the time} is the Heart of Andersonville and past Edgewater Lounge {a frequent hang spot for Hart & his co-workers/friends; a spot I would come to know through his introduction. Ravenswood Pub would be another frequent Co-Hart hang - a favorite spot for trivia night}.

{Hart} lives across from a British school. He lives near an apartment that is Open with no blinds facing the street.

We get to his place and Jim {cat} Immediately paws at me and wants to climb on me. I’ve made a friend.

Hart lives in a lovely little one bedroom apartment with blinds Up at All Times. It is a Lovely View.

He shows me his Botanical Gardens book. Guides me thru each of the gardens {pages} with a Passion and a Wisdom.

He Loves Plants.

He Lights Up when he discusses them.

We flip through {book pages} Bird Island Heritage Garden (with pyramids); other gardens.

I admire his Simplicity.

He lives without a tv, without much entertainment other than books.

I need to scale down more, as well.

He speaks of cutting a plant and potting it 4 me.

We grab jackets and head out to seek food.

We meander down the street and into Andersonville; he shares our eating options; shows me his dentist and the bench he would read on.

(Note: He read A Prayer For Owen Meany by John Irving on that bench and in the Future this memory would Inspire me to read the novel without hesitation once it is Gifted by a Friend. The book Is Life-Changing and became a Great Catalyst in my own life, equally as Much as Hart & my friend Praised the novel for doing the same in theirs.)

Shows me his favorite place for tea; his stylist shop, as well.

We narrow down our eating options to Reza’s & Olé Olé. I beckon towards Reza’s and We get seated. In that moment I suddenly realize that I’ve eaten there before. It is the Persian Cuisine I ate with Peggah and Jasmin {in the past}.

The waiter makes Hart nervous. At first, I don’t feel well and don’t plan to eat much but that changes.

We leave; go back to his place. Pick up the {Chicago} Reader and work on Crossword Puzzles once back there.

He brews up Gunpowder Green Tea.

We listen to a variety of music:

Ryan Adams. Natalie Merchant.

We eventually stop and he lays his head on my shoulder. I ask him if he liked Giovanni’s Room {I allowed him to borrow the copy from the first journal entry. The copy I carried around in my hands during our first date at the park}.

He said, “Yes, but am I supposed to like the main character? He’s an asshole!”

“Yes, he is but he’s real and just so caged and new to it all. His battle and fears scare me because I worry about what they reveal about me when I hold them up to the mirror,” I reply.

I speak of my fears, my need for a patient lover because I feel I still have much to learn. I worry about public displays of affection because I never (sidenote: this may or may not be true, but if I Am Honest even in this moment of retyping these journal entries I do not recall a lot of PDA with them) saw my parents show Love physically that often. I speak of my low self-esteem from years of ridicule and comparing myself to others.

Hart can see the world as Beautiful with All the Differences.

He Sees me and Accepts me and Loves me as I Am.

This is evident in our couch conversation and in his Openness with his body and sexual displays.

It is evident in the way he tells me to Love My Self and not be ashamed.

{All of which he tells me the next morning}

To which I reply:

“It is So Refreshing to hear someone say that.”

We let Jim (the cat) pick the movie We watch based on the first of three he Investigates.

Annie Hall Is Chosen.

This night marks the first night I’ve ever watched a film and cuddled and held another during it.

Earlier on the couch I told him, “I am so glad I met you. You are Rare.”

“You Are Rare,” he replied.

I held him close, his head on my shoulder and I fought back tears.

Later, after the movie, we hold one another and listen to music.

His favorite Ryan Adams tune is “The Shadowlands”.

Also, Primitive Radio Gods - “Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand” is a Choice Selection.

He asks if I’m staying. I want to. He wants me to. I do.

The Whole Time I try to think “take it slow, take it slow”.

We move to the bed and it all unfolds So Beautifully and Slowly. The morning and day brings Us Full Bloom and I finish off Adam in an exhaustive orgasm that speaks in geysers and quick gasps of breath. He Is So Beautiful. His blonde hair, his brown eyes, his chest hair, his tanned body.

He nearly makes me cum, as well. I was “slooooow” close, but it shall be another time.

We shower. It is the First Time I’ve showered with another guy & Felt So Happy (not to be mistaken as the first time I have showered with a guy; only).

Also, this was the first time I didn’t wake up and feel an emptiness in the morning.

I don’t feel dependent on him in the negative ways I’ve felt with other guys. (Present Day Note: this Is Totally 110% Naïveté on my part and Self Denial in Hindsight).

He and I Are a Work in Progress that I am Really Enjoying - Stroke by Stroke - Piece by Piece.

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