Guilty, 'til Proven Innocent

Let me start by saying that I am not saying that background checks are bad. They can be highly inaccurate for serval reasons and the information that anyone receives from conducting a background check should be taken with precaution. Ultimately, a person is going to believe what they want to and that is all that matters.

Now I can only share my personal experiences and I am sure other men may have similar feelings to what I am about to say. Women can destroy your future with one lie. I don't think there is need to prove this point because I can start with Brian Banks and the case would be closed. So excluding the most drastic results that could come up to rapist or child molestation and even murder; what could be so damaging that is not worth a conversation that one finds in a background check?

I really think that honest people have no problems with someone conducting a background check under no circumstances. I think the problem comes when any gray area of misunderstanding comes up, that honest person never has a chance to explain their side of the story. Are we at a point in relationships or even dating where we cannot communicate and be honest with each other? The worse advice I ever heard was that people should ask a potential mate's ex on how this person character is. This is the worse advice on the planet on so many levels. One, the truth will come out and no one person can hold their true character for any period of time. Now someone can pretend and hide for about 60 days, tops. The signs always show, but most ignore them for so many selfish reasons. Some of my good friends ask me did I see the signs in my ex before marriage, and I tell them I did. However, there we other selfish reasons going on and I intentionally ignored the red flags.

The activity in a person will give them away all of the time. In time, a person will show you all of their good and bad traits. Just slow down and stop trying to can get in bed or how much money they will spend and just get to know a person. Spending 30 to 60 days with a person just talking to them will display everything there is to know about a person. There is no need for a background check if there is frequent conversation and this is a normal activity in this person's life. Unfortunately, we are too busy trying to play the field. This is more bad advice. Date with a purpose and mean it. There is no need for titles but try this with the next person of interest. Tell him or her that it is important to take the time to get to know one person at a time and that entertaining anyone else is out of the question. One or tow things will happen at this point. Either he or she will respect your wishes and the conversation and connection will fade out, or this person will start to make time and clear time for conversation and connection.

Spending money on background checks is such a waste of time. Instead of playing Inspector Gadget, just sit down and talk to the person and get to know their patterns, desires, goals and how they move from day to day. The answers are all there. The answers are all there, it just takes time and focusing on one individual instead of believing what this twisted dating culture of "date them all" is promoting this mentality as healthy. It's toxic if anything and it creates practice for a high divorce rate (too late for that I guess).

Background checks are a waste of money, but if one has to done, then at least give the person that is being researched a fair chance to explain any events in their past. Life is not perfect for the person who is being searched and the person doing the searching is not perfect either.

For the sake of Brian Banks and any other person that has been lied on, do that person favor and give them a chance to explain. There should be a point in time with a person that you know they are telling the truth or not. If you cannot tell if that person is lying or not, then time around this person was not well spent. Know the people you interact with, and background checks will have no need.