Golden Threads of Insight: 26 Therapist Wisdoms That Reframe Everything

 01 · Avoid saying "should." The word "should" easily puts too much pressure on you, leading to excessive self-criticism. Try changing your wording:

"I should exercise" becomes "I like how I feel after exercising."

"I should do laundry" becomes "I want to do laundry."

· 02 · When meeting someone for the first time, don't think, "How can I make them like me?" Instead, think, "Do I like them? Can I get along with them?" Shift your focus from how others perceive you to how you perceive them.

· 03 · Society doesn't need to set a schedule for me. I can eat breakfast at 11 am and go to bed at 1 am. There's no standard model to follow. Find what works for you.

· 04 · If you take care of your body when you're in pain, it will take care of you. (Nutrition, Sleep, Exercise)

Some people don't have the tools we hope they have (when people don't know how to care for or love you the way you need).

· 05 · If you spend a lot of time explaining to people that your partner isn't actually that bad to you, it might mean you're in an unhealthy relationship—and it really is as bad as others perceive it to be.

· 06 · What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done? Nobody remembers, and nobody thinks about it. People forget about it immediately after it happens, so you shouldn't continue to torment yourself over it.

· 07 · When people are hurt by someone they love, they often continue to love the person who hurt them, but stop loving themselves. When my therapist said this to me, it suddenly dawned on me.

· 08 · Changing your perspective can change a lot.

For example, when you wake up in the middle of the night and look at the clock, instead of saying to yourself, "Ugh, I have to get up again in two hours," you can happily hug your pillow and say, "Yay, I get to sleep for another two hours!"

· 09 · My therapist asked me, "When you judge yourself, whose voice do you hear?" When I found the answer, I felt an unparalleled sense of freedom.

· 10 · Just because someone else is worse off doesn't mean your pain is insignificant. For example, someone else having a broken ankle doesn't mean your sprained ankle doesn't hurt.

· 11 · The best response to avoid getting involved in other people's problems: "That sounds terrible. What are you going to do?"

· 12 · Don't blame yourself for not knowing things you haven't learned yet.

· 13 · "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." – Maya Angelou

· 14 · One of the most useful pieces of advice my therapist gave me was to break everything down into its smallest parts. Smaller, and smaller still. The first step to taking a shower is simply walking to the bathroom.

· 15 · The problem is, when you're dealing with irrational people, you're still trying to think rationally.

· 16 · When you're terrified of failure, the best way forward is to fail miserably at something once. After that, your definition of failure will completely change.

· 17 · Giving the negative thoughts in your head a ridiculous voice can help. When self-deprecating thoughts pop into my head, I imagine them coming from a bossy cartoon penguin. Suddenly, those thoughts don't seem so powerful anymore.

· 18 · Even the lightest object will make your arm ache if you hold it all day. Don't accumulate stress and carry it everywhere. Don't absorb the pressure around you just because you can endure it. Over time, it gets heavier until it crushes you. Try to lighten your burden whenever possible.

· 19 · I always struggled with deciding my next step. Then my therapist told me that I can always change my mind. If I don't like this city, this job, this relationship, or these friends, I can simply stop and make a different choice.

· 20 · There are three entities in a relationship: you, the other person, and the relationship itself. All three need different kinds of care and support at different times.

· 21 · If you see a train wreck a mile away, you still have time to jump off.

· 22 · You can imagine bad things happening, or you can imagine good things happening. Both are acts of imagination. Say the positive outcome aloud and repeat it until it feels real.

· 23 · After several weeks of anxiety therapy, I told my therapist that maybe I'm just the kind of person who will never be happy. She told me that happy people aren't happy all the time—they just experience fewer moments of anxiety and depression. This new definition made happiness feel much more achievable.

· 24 · Thoughts are not facts.

· 25 · Pay attention to your "inner child." When you feel yourself overreacting or about to explode, that's often where it stems from. Acknowledge it, ask it what it needs without judgment, fulfill that need, guide it, show it love, and then let it play freely.

· 26 · I've found that doing things that make my "inner child" happy helps relieve my depression. These are usually simple activities—like drawing, writing, exploring, or watching sunsets and stargazing.

Thank you for reading!