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Gaslighting and Other Abusive, Toxic, Negative Behaviours

The Devastation They Cause

By Dorn SimonPublished 6 years ago 3 min read

We have all read the articles describing the harmful displays of these behaviours in relationships, with the damage they inevitably cause.

I, for one have read them thoroughly, in and out, analysing every phrase, as both victim to and ashamedly perpetrator of.

What we see less written of is articles regards the latter's perspective in some (though not all) cases; a person who has fallen into these traits or behaviours, be it via survival techniques, coping mechanisms, mental health issues, or even conditioning - whichever the root cause - who are aware of their behaviour at times, who are on a daily determined, challenging course to face those behaviour patterns, change them for more healthy approaches, and thereby be a more amicable human to be around.

Sadly, this is not enough.

The behaviour still manifests in times of duress, exhaustion, anxiety presents as anger which triggers the vitriol, and all the good one has built up goes blasting out like a torpedo, replaced by that sickening, toxic, somewhat evil display once more.

In these cases of awareness, this is as sickening and toxic to both parties involved, those on the receiving end and those themselves doing the damage.

As with everything in life, there are "grey areas," no clear black or white, right or wrong, good or bad — I am well aware of my faults, I do battle inside on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, to try and protect those around me from being victim to it — but this is not good enough. It still hasn't shown a way to rid it completely, to cease said behaviour entirely — which leads to the same perpetual motion, loss, break-ups with regards to relationships.

I know a large percentage tend to use such behaviours purposely, or who manifest it, are unawares, self-deluded, or rather self-absorbed, therefore adding a slight narcissistic trait to their mix. I probably had done so once myself, but am adamant I have improved, [I must improve] am aware, and am willing to quash these thought processes, behaviour traits, even if I spend my entire life trying!

The hardest part is watching so many responses to one's actions or words of poison, it is excruciating, indescribable even to write in terms — followed by the shame, the guilt, the emphatic hurt, then eventually the loss. There is always a loss.

No sympathy warranted, those behaviour's get what they deserve, responsibility is painful, and many in such positions might turn on themselves in hate filled rage, causing self-harm, in one form or another. I have learned not to jump on that train, my latest love lost taught me so much, and allowed growth beyond that which I thought possible - but I still failed myself.

Such tactics as victims describe are often not tactics at all, not pre-meditated, not wished on anyone, and certainly not known until they have already lashed out like a bat out of hell.

Only then, can one see, be aware, and set about to recognise the signs, by retracing their steps — reliving the scenes over and over, analysing to find where they snapped from anxious human into evil perpetrator.

It is hard work facing up to a dark self that one wishes they didn't possess.

It is even harder for those on the receiving end, who are 90 percent of the time innocent and in rare cases going above and beyond to maintain a relationship with you.

From my personal experience, I feel these behaviours deserve more research, therapies adapted to aid those aware and wishing to change, and more articles to show that not all gaslighters WANT to be - and at times might even isolate themselves from society in an humanitarian effort to save harm or to do damage control.


About the Creator

Dorn Simon

Dorn began writing at 7 years old, poetry & short stories.

Author/Poet/Column: Gollum of the Psyche (Self-help genre), 'Hymn a Day to Hekate - Έκάτη (Devotional), The Misdeed, The Melting Pot Anthology 1-4, DornDryad's Blog, Aiteach.

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