From Hell To Paradise

This story is set in the not-too-distant future, a couple of months after the coronavirus epidemic has been beaten and all quarantines have been lifted.

Sam Hill had been friends with Tony Crane ever since high school. Even after graduating at Blazer High and marrying their high-school sweethearts, they'd visit each other often, take in a movie or even go shopping together. Anyway you looked at it, the foursome was inseparable.

Then, about five years into their marriage, a lethal virus called COVID-19 hit America and brought with it fear, social distancing, empty store shelves and a long stretch of “quarantining” where everyone was largely home-bound.

Fortunately, that was all behind them now, and the Cranes were back over at the Hills to enjoy a good dinner together. But, during the meal, Rachel was puzzled by Tony's wife; while the tall, red-haired beauty used to be so friendly and outgoing, there was something about her that didn't seem right this time. Candi just seemed sullen and distant.

After they'd finished eating, Tony took his coffee cup into the kitchen and motioned to Sam. “Hey, man, I – I need to talk with you about something," he whispered, "but we can't do it here. Uh, could we, like, get together maybe at IHOP or something tomorrow night? It's – well, it's kinda important.” Sam looked at him with a sly grin, “Well, I guess it's alright. But ...” “Besides, I'm paying for the coffee.” “Well, in that case, what about 7:00?”

IHOP THIS WORKS OUT

When he walked into IHOP at seven the next evening, he saw Tony already seated, sipping on a glass of water. After ordering two coffees, he asked his buddy what he wanted to talk about. “Well ...” He toyed with his glass for a second, then took a deep breath and continued. “It's just that, uh – well, on our way over last night, Candi told me she wanted a divorce.” Sam was stunned. “Oh, man, that sucks! Ummm, is it – well, is it ‘cause of another guy or something?”

Tony nervously laughed, “C'mon, man – you know I don't swing that way!” Then he turned deadly serious again. “No, she ...” he sighed, “she, umm ...” His voice began to quiver. “She said she doesn't think she loves me anymore. I think the 'cabin fever' we had has really gotten to her. Anyway, now she wants out of it.” They stopped talking when they saw the waitress walk up with their coffees. As she set the steaming cups down in front of them, Sam softly, almost apologetically, mumbled, “Man, I'm sorry that happened.” For a moment, both were quiet – then a thought came to Sam's mind. “Listen – with that quarantine thing behind us now, why don't you take her on a short, romantic vacation – you know, just the two of you? God knows, it'll break that 'cabin fever' you've had and, besides, it could make her change her mind!” Tony perked up. “Man, I'd do that in a heartbeat, but, remember, I was laid off during that time, so money's been tight. I – I don't think I could afford it.”

Sam thought about what he said for a minute. Sure, money was tight for just about everyone, but he'd kept his job and weekly paychecks. Besides, he and Rachel had left their joint savings account untouched in the event of emergencies. “Look, if you need it, we'll chip in and help you pay for it, okay?” Tony thought about it for a moment, then his eyes brightened. “Okay – you're on!” Then, mumbling in a shaky voice, he added "Anything's better than this living hell I'm goin’ through right now."

That gave Sam another idea. As soon as he got back home, he told Rachel about Candi’s decision to divorce Tony, and how he wanted to help them out with a second “honeymoon”. Maybe that could get her to change her mind. As sad as she was about the condition of the Crane's marriage, she was excited about the prospect of helping them. “Why don’t you check on the computer and find a good place for them to stay?” “Sounds good. But Tony can’t afford much, especially after being out of work for so long.” “Well, we can help a little, can’t we? We’ve got a little saved up, right? We could at least pay for a good motel and even give them a little travel money!” Even though Sam had already made the offer to Tony, he was glad he didn't have to bring it up to her. Besides, it felt better to let her think it was her idea. So he smiled, gave her a kiss and told her it was an excellent plan! Then he disappeared into the bedroom, pulled out the laptop he'd been using for his business, and began checking.

During his lunch break the next day, he placed a call to Scenic Travel Agency and asked for an available agent. When he answered, Sam said he wanted to send a friend and his wife on a vacation and needed him at IHOP in Ashland the next night at around seven to plan it out. The agent readily agreed. “Now, just so you’ll know who to look for, I’ll be in a blue BMW and will have my portfolio with me.” “Great, but you never gave me your name, so ...” “You’ll probably think I’m bogus, then.” “Still, you know I’m Sam Hill, so your name is ...”Trust me, you’ll laugh! Justin Case.” Sam hesitated a minute, thinking there’s a punchline, then asked, “Just in case what?” “See what I mean?” For a second, he was puzzled, but the agent continued, “But that’s my real name - just ask any of my clients! Anyway, I’ll be there promptly at seven.” Immediately after getting off the phone with him, Sam called Tony and told him to be there as well.

The next evening, they were back at the restaurant where Sam was anxious to unveil his plan. A few minutes after their coffee was served, a heavyset man with dark hair and a small coffee-stain on his shirt sauntered up to their table. “Are you Sam Hill?” he asked. “Yes, and you're?” “I'm with Scenic Travel? You called us yesterday about booking a trip?” “Oh. Right! Well,” nodding over to Tony, “this is the friend I told you about.” Tony stuck out his hand and introduced himself. The portly businessman shook his hand. “Justin Case!” “Just in case what?” Tony stammered. The man smiled, “I'm your new travel agent, Justin Case!” Tony looked at Sam, who was trying to suppress a laugh. “Just in case what, man? In case the other agent doesn't show up?” Finally, Sam intervened. “That's his name, man! His first name is 'Justin', and his last name is 'Case'!”

”That's right! And your friend contacted us to line up a good vacation for you and your lovely wife!” Tony looked over at Sam and mumbled, “Dude, you’re kiddin’ me with this yo-yo, right?” Sam laughed, then leaned over and whispered, “Man, he's just buttering you up to get the sale. Just roll with it!” He nodded in agreement, then told Sam and Justin that he didn't want to travel very far. “You see, since Candi's sister would be watching our house for us, we'd be better off if we were somewhere kinda close. I mean, Carol doesn't know this area very well, so it wouldn't take us long to get back if something were to happen. You know – just in case.” The agent looked up from some brochures he had laid on the table. “Huh? I – I'm sorry! Were you talking to me? I was just ...” Sam laughed, “No, Justin! He was just talking about his sister-in-law” “Oh.”

Tony excused himself to go to the bathroom while Sam checked out the brochures. Then he pushed them aside, looked at Justin and got down to business. “Look, I've got a plan here and wanna see if you can help pull it off. You see, Tony and his wife are about to split and – well, they've really gone through a lot of hell over the past couple of years. So I kind of figured, ‘Why don't we just send them there?’”

The agent shook his head and laughed sarcastically. “'Hell', huh? Well, that may be a little out of my league, but … ” Sam held up his hand to interrupt him. “Wait a minute! Look, I told you they'd gone through hell, right? Well, there's a little town in southern Michigan called 'Hell'. It's a hot spot for tourists, and I thought that maybe you could work up a way to help them get there. Now...” He looked up to see Tony returning. “Just think about it, and I'll call ya later to see what you've come up with, okay? We'll go over it then.” Case quickly nodded and left the restaurant just as Tony arrived at the table. “Geez – what's his rush? Another appointment?” he wondered as he caught the agent's rotund form exiting the front doors. “Anyway, what did you guys talk about while I was gone?” Sam nervously shifted in his seat, a little uneasy about how Tony would take his plan. “Well, Justin and I talked about sending you and Candi to – umm, Hell, and ...”

As Tony reached for his coffee cup, he suddenly stopped and looked at Sam like he was crazy. “Where?” he nervously laughed. “Man, what'd we ever do to you??” “C'mon, Tony - calm down! We're only talkin’ about a place in Michigan here! And it just happens to be called 'Hell'!” As he listened, Sam explained the plan. “Listen, you told me y'all aren't getting along, right?” Tony nodded his head. “And didn't you say she was giving you hell?” Again, he nodded, mumbling, “Yeah, sort of!” “So why don't you return the favor, but in a different way? Look – just take a coupla weeks off, drive her up there and ...” “Okay, I see where you're coming from – but what if she doesn't like the idea?” “Then don't tell her ‘til ya get there! Say you're driving to some place near the Great Lakes or something. When you get to Hell, you fake the car breaking down, then tell her you'll need to stay there 'til you get someone to fix it!” He sipped his coffee while that sunk in, and continued.

"And, with a name like 'Hell', you know it's gotta have a lot of tourists, and a load of 'themed' stuff to check out." Tony still seemed a little skeptical, but Sam had saved his best pitch for the last. “Look, I'll find a good motel for you guys to stay in, and, if money's a problem, Rachel and I are willing to help you guys settle in for that first week. Besides,” he smiled, “what better place to put some fire back into your marriage than going to Hell, right?”

He agreed, so Sam said he'd start arranging it.

Two weeks later, Mrs. Hill’s favorite son was heading out the door for work when the phone rang. It was Tony; since they were about to head out on the road, he wanted to be sure all bases were covered on the motel reservation. “It's all set, man! You'll be staying at the Comfort Inn in nearby Chelsea for the week. Just drive carefully, though," he laughed. "You know what they say: the highway to Hell's always crowded! Oh ..." He looked around to see if Rachel was listening, then lowered his voice. “Remember the little surprise I suggested. If you can find a place that carries it, I'll bet you it'll help!” Tony snickered then thanked him and promised to pay him back as soon as he could. "Hey, man, don't worry about it! Just make sure y'all come back happier than when ya left!” “Sure! Hey, listen - do you mind if I drop by for a moment? I wanna leave a couple of things in your car before we get on the road.” “Sure, man. As long as it’s not roadkill, it’s all right by me! Tell ya what - give me a time and I’ll leave the trunk unlocked for ya. Just be sure to slam it shut when you’re done. How’s that?” Tony readily agreed, and, after reminding him to drive safely, Sam took off for work.

The shift went well, and Sam left the office feeling relieved; the weekend was coming and he’d finally have some time to rest. First, though, he had to go by the store to pick up another can of coffee and some more bread.

But he'd only gone a mile before a police car pulled him over. As he pulled over, he muttered to himself, “All right, stupid, what'd you do this time?” He began pulling out his license as the officer strode up to his window with a serious expression. As Sam handed him the license, he asked him to get out of the car and turn around. Then the officer asked if he'd pop his trunk for him. Sam didn't understand, but was told to stay rather than follow him to the back of the car. In a few seconds, the officer returned with what, for all the world, looked like a severed arm! “Sir, this was hanging out of your trunk!” He waved the fake arm in front of Sam. In its hand was taped a note with a single word: “GOOD-BYE!” “Tony!” he laughed. “So that’s why he wanted in my trunk!” As he tried to explain what happened, the officer interrupted tersely. “Sir, it doesn't matter who did it! The problem is that it was distracting the drivers who were behind you!” Sam apologized as the officer gave his license and the “arm” back to him. “Now, make sure that thing stays inside the car for your own good!” He handed it to Sam, who tossed it into the back seat.

When he arrived home, he couldn’t wait to tell Rachel about Tony’s parting “gift” - then thought better of it; there’d be a time and place when he could turn the tables on his friend, and he didn’t want anyone to know about it. So he locked the arm securely in the trunk, then headed inside with the bread and coffee.

The next two weeks went by quickly and the workdays ran smoothly. He and Rachel both missed their traveling friends, though - they hadn’t called or anything! But, somehow, he knew that they would be all right. Besides, the worry was offset by the fact that Sam had gotten the raise he’d been wanting.

Saturday came and Sam had to run down to get the car washed and detailed. When he got back to the house, Rachel told him that Tony had called – they were back and were planning to come by a little later. It'd been just over two weeks since he and Candi had left for Hell and Sam was anxious to hear how the trip went. Of course, he also wanted to find out why it took them forever to get back.

FROM HELL TO PARADISE

A little after six, Sam heard a car pull into the driveway. He knew it was Tony – and, hopefully, he brought his wife with him. So he and Rachel headed out to the front porch so they could welcome them back.

Wondering how Candi handled the ride in Tony's newest Volkswagen, he was surprised to see him emerge from the driver’s side of her car – and in a sport coat, shirt, tie and dress pants, no less! He gave a sheepish grin as he went around to open the passenger door for his princess. As she stepped out of the car, Candi looked so different from the last time they'd seen her: Red hair perfectly styled, nice makeup, blue pants suit, her expression beaming! Tony took her hand as they walked up to the porch. This certainly wasn't the gloomy wife that they had seen weeks before!

Rachel could hardly believe the transformation. “Candi! You look beautiful! What ... what's going on?” Meanwhile, Tony leaned over to Sam and whispered, “By the way, I followed your 'other' advice and picked up a silky red gown and undies set before we left. It worked like a charm!” Then his face brightened as he continued. “But it looked even better on her, so I let her have it!” “Umm, that was the ultimate goal, wasn't it?" Sam smiled. "Now – let's go inside!"

Rachel poured coffee for them as she asked, “So, why don't you tell us how your trip went?” “Yeah,” Sam smirked, “and why you guys took so long to get back!” Tony leaned back on the sofa and put his arm around his wife. “Well, it really wasn't as far as we thought it was! We left just after I called you that morning and rolled into Hell a little after two in the afternoon; And, Lord, when Candi saw that “Welcome to Hell” sign, I thought she was gonna have a duck fit! I mean, she laughed and said that was where she wanted us to stay.” “So I take it you guys liked the place?” Tony looked at his wife and winked, “Ohhh, yeah! But I know why that motel you booked us into was in the next town over – there aren't any motels in Hell itself.” Sam couldn’t help laughing, “I didn't think so. They want people to stay, from what I've heard.” “But we stayed long enough to get a bite to eat at the 'Hell-Hole Diner'. ” “Yeah!” she gushed, “And, after that, we got dessert at a killer ice-cream place called ‘Screams.’” Tony interrupted, “It's really a wild place, man; they've even got their toppings in a coffin!” “Oh, yummy!” a less-than-enthusiastic Rachel replied. “Then, after we checked in at the motel in Chelsea and sorta rested up a little, we went back down there and went to the ‘Hell Saloon’. They've got live music and really good food! The only problem we had was one time, when my shoe got caught on a crack in the pavement and tore its sole off.” The other three laughed as Rachel remarked, “Why am I not surprised? But aren't you supposed to lose your soul when you get to Hell?” They laughed even more as Candi continued, “Thankfully, he found some Super Glue in the glove compartment and fixed it. But we just had a ball checking everything out – and then, at night, when we got back to the motel,” she sighed, “well, it's like we just fell in love all over again!”

”But,” Tony added, “we had no idea that Hell was gonna be so crowded!” Sam smiled. “Geez, man – it's been like that for centuries. Even the Bible says so! So what else did you guys get into?” Tony got up from the couch to take a cup of coffee from the platter that Rachel had brought in. “Well, did you know that, on the other side of Michigan, there’s a town called ‘Paradise’? Our front-desk clerk told us about it.” By now, Rachel was really intrigued. “Wow! It would've been so cool if …” “If we'd gone there?” Tony interrupted. “Actually we did! In fact, with the money we saved on that first room thanks to you and Sam, we actually went there, just to say we did it!” Rachel's face lit up with a smile. “From Hell to Paradise? Sounds like a novel!” “Or a sermon topic,” Sam quipped, adding, “But it couldn't have been more fun than Hell, right?” “Oh, it didn't have all the stuff that Hell did, but the scenery was gorgeous!” “Most importantly,” Candi added, “it was just to say we've been there.” “Yeah! We left here, heading to Hell, but, after working things out, we came back from Paradise. Cool, huh? Now – what did you guys do while we were gone?” Sam slyly remarked, “Oh, nothing, really - though Rachel got your singed 'postcard from Hell'. And, Tony, I found that, ahem, ‘note’ you left!” Tony almost blushed, and smiled sneakily. “Well, I thought you’d get a kick out of it!” “Yeah - and so did the cop who pulled me over for it!” They both laughed, though Rachel and Candi were in the dark about it.

Then Sam looked out the window, jumped up from his seat and headed for the door. As the others peered out of curiosity, Rachel asked both their guests to help her take the cups back into the kitchen. A few minutes later, her husband reappeared in the doorway. “Geez, man,” Tony blurted, “What happened? We heard some kind of noise out there.” “Oh, I just had to get something out of the car before it spoiled. But, hey – I'm glad everything worked out on your trip.” Tony looked at his watch and interrupted, “Listen - we’re gonna have to hit the road. I'll give you a call tomorrow, and we’ll get together again next week, okay?” As usual, Sam walked the twosome back out to their car but, as Tony pulled out his keys and went around to start the car up, Candi started laughing uncontrollably. “Shhhh!!” Sam knew what she was looking at. “Don’t tell him! Let it be his surprise!” Then, as she walked to her side of the car, he added, “Maybe a certain cop will see him on the way out!” After throwing the car in gear, Tony waved “good-bye” and pulled out of the driveway ...

with a bloody arm hanging out from his trunk.

But there was something else:

The first, third and fourth fingers of the arm had been taped down tightly. After they left, Sam pulled out his cell phone, called 911, told them what he’d seen, then gave them Tony’s tag number and direction of travel.

They’d certainly know what to do ...