Friendships Are Not Always Lifelong!

As much as we would like to believe it, friendship doesn’t always last a lifetime. There are times when we lose someone that we feel a connection to through ways other than death. Losing a family member or friend through death is a tragedy that one must accept as a part of life since it’s so final. Sadly, death is a part of life that will eventually affect everyone. Once it happens, there is no chance of going back to resolve any issues with the one whose life is lost. Parents, as well as elders of the family, often tell their youths that true friendship lasts a lifetime if it can stand the tests of time.

Most of my life, I have always been that friend that avoids saying anything upsetting to my friends because of my low self-esteem complex and the fear that I would lose them. Born with what I consider “obvious flaws” meant that I should keep my opinions to myself and accept anything said to me, whether it was an innocent joke or not

For me, it was important to appreciate those people who seemingly valued my presence in their lives as much as I valued theirs. One might believe that a person who behaves in this way would always find it easy to attract friends to hang out with or just talk to chat with on the phone. Unfortunately, being that easygoing person in a friendship doesn’t always pay off. This I know from experience.

It was during my enrollment in job corps that I met a girl, a year older than me, taking the same class, in which I was scheduled, business clerical. Initially, job corps was not the last place I wanted to go after graduating from high school because I felt it was for people who were having problems getting their high school diploma. However, six months after getting my diploma, I enrolled in job corps with my sister and began studying to earn a certificate in business clerical. Supposedly, earning a certificate from job corps would help me to land an office job. Not!

A few weeks after I began classes, J and I began chatting during our breaks, like teenagers do. We learned each other’s name the first day of class, when the instructor went around the room and allowed each student to introduce themselves by name and where they had come from. Because I had come from another part of the state, I was a residential corps member that lived in the center’s female dorm. J was a lifelong resident of the town who lived off center and left job corps after class each day. I felt like she was lucky because she had no rules to follow once she left the center in the evenings, unlike the residential students like myself.

As we became closer, J started inviting me to spend the weekend with her and her family so that I wouldn’t be stuck on center, day in and day out. I gladly accepted and appreciated any time I could get away from the rules of the center. J, a licensed driver, always found somewhere for us to hang out on the weekend, whenever she borrowed her parents’ car. She had introduced me to her baby girl and the rest of the family, who had warmly welcomed me into their home. Once I began hanging out with J, I didn’t realize how quickly time was going by. Before I knew it, I had completed my skill, and it was time for me to leave. Still, J and I kept in touch through letters and occasional phone calls. After receiving my readjustment check from job corps for completing my skill, I return to J’s hometown to spend a week with her.

As the years past, J eventually moved into her own place and often invited me to come for a visit. And, to get away from the rural area where I was living, I gladly accepted her invitation. It was just me and I didn’t take up too much space. Besides, she had almost insisted that I come. Coincidentally, it was during this time that one of her older nieces began hanging out with us more often. She and J were close aunt and niece that enjoyed each other’s company. As I got to know her better, I begin to consider her a close friend, as well. Of course, as with most friendships, we often experienced breaks in our relationship when we didn’t hear from each other for months at a time. Although I eventually became a parent to two children, the visits to J’s home continued before I was blessed to get into my own place. With each visit, I became even closer to her niece because she was so nice to my children and I. Plus, J had begun working and her niece would stay at her home to keep me company during my visits from out of town.

By the time my youngest child was six months, I was blessed with an apartment in the same county as J. I was sure this would bring us closer as friends. Her niece had moved out of state by the time I moved into my own place. For years, she kept in touch with me. I know that changes are a part of life and sometimes new friends come into our lives. However, I don’t think longtime friendships should end because of new friends. So, although I knew J had made new friends, I continued to visit her after moving to her area. But I quickly noticed that I was the only one putting forth the effort in keeping our friendship active. It seemed that it was more important for J to visit the homes of all her friends, except mine. I didn’t let it bother me too much because I was still communicating with her niece, quite often. As much as I tried to deny it, I also noticed questionable changes in her niece’s attitude towards me after years of laughing, talking, and sharing secrets.

Because each of us had become parents, I assumed the changes in behavior was due to possible personal or family issues. I knew that I had never done anything to purposely hurt either one of them and I just assumed communication between us would soon get back to cheerful and positive, to a certain degree. But I was wrong. Ironically, in 2014, our decades-long friendship ended abruptly without any form of explanation to me. When I think about it now, those attitudes were indicative warnings that I should have paid more attention to.

Still, true friendship never ends is the belief of many! So, were they ever truly my friends? I have to say not. Yet, I wish each of them the best life has to offer!