Friendships & Negotiation

You have probably stumbled upon this and found yourself confused in the heading. I have noticed the two can upgrade not only your life but help those around you going through tough times. There are many applications to what I am sharing with you and you will be astounded by how things can change very quickly.

Firstly, I am by no means a scientist or a relationship expert. I am a mere freckle on the internet sharing his observational understanding and perspective on something he has started to try to comprehend what it is he is learning. I don't even understand this myself, I don't think anyone could 100% understand it all but to me I have found this quite incredible.

Negotiation is in everyday conversation; I remember reading about it and then trying the first technique on my mum. Being so excited, I went and spoke to her and all I did for a couple hours was generally repeated the last 3 words of her sentences back to her. Yet she never realized that I did. I was astonished by what was happening, and now seeing this challenge on vocal, I thought that I just had to share this perspective.

I was dumbfounded when I watched the technique work. Consistently, holding a conversation with her for a little over 60 minutes with little to no effort.

So, I decided to “get back on the horse” to test out a couple techniques. Now the first technique I learnt was mirroring. If you are curious, mirroring involves repeating generally the last three words of a sentence back to the person. What this technique does is kind of force the hand of the person you are talking to, to express more information. Which leads to a longer conversation and that the other person starts to feel heard.

How does this relate to relationships? Well I tried it, I tried it when trying to talk to women. Now I’m not a 10/10 attractive male. But I’ve found that you can get women to talk to you easily by using just this method. The next best part is they feel listened to. This is usually a big thing for women, women want to be heard.

I have never been perfect at talking to women, and as I’ve discovered this technique. I have more women wanting to talk to me and enjoying my company. Now this isn’t for me to want to get in their pants because the objective for me is to just get social interaction. That’s all I need. This helped me astronomically as I was a shy person because I couldn’t have a conversation. Contributing to a conversation like this is super easy which has changed my life and outlook on talking to people. Which has also brought out emotions in friends which has made them gravitate towards me more.

The next technique is labelling, and this is generally very good when you sense that the person you are talking to has some either mixed emotions or some very strong emotions. This makes the person really feel like they are being heard. This involves adding a label to what it is they are talking about.

If a person seems angry, you say, “you sound angry” and when putting a label on it, the reaction on the amygdala reduces. Which seems to calm people down.

Or if you feel they are upset. You can say something like “you seem upset about this”. which tends to make them think; am I really upset? This gets them really thinking.

This invokes incredible emotional responses. Now this isn’t a how to negotiate piece. So, if you wish to learn negotiation I suggest going and learning it somewhere else. This piece is purely just to share my perspective on what I have learnt so far.

After trying these techniques for a couple of weeks I’ve had more women wish to talk to me more than I have ever had in the past. Now this could work both ways, I am a straight single guy. So, this is purely my perspective. But this would be incredible to hear about other people learning and trying these techniques.

If you are someone who has researched or is researching these sorts of techniques, I would love to hear your perspective too.