Friends

In the last two years of my life, I have had to learn to leave people behind. Stop cycles of loneliness by bringing toxic friendships back just so I don’t feel alone. This isn’t the easiest task. I have learned many times that these types of people will also “get bored” and ask to come back. They peak your curiosity of who they are now, have they changed?

It is human nature to want people around you. You have to pick the right kind of humans. I used to believe that you could be friends with anybody, as long as you had some things in common. Now my belief is that you have to have the same values, and that sometimes friendship is not forever. I read this scientific fact once that said if you're friends with somebody for over 7 years then you're probably going to be friends for life. I don't really believe that, because I've had friends for 15 years whom I don't speak to anymore. I have friends I’ve known for 18 years who are on my facebook only because we “knew each other”. I don't believe that everybody is meant to be your friend, and sometimes we change, or they change and they are no longer what we need from a friend or we don't agree with the decisions that they're making and in turn we're not respecting ourselves by remaining their friends.

I used to believe that the time frame of a friendship is what really mattered, how long you knew them meant something more than what you knew about them. We rely on our friends to keep our secrets, we rely on them to be there when we need somebody to talk to, and we enjoy their company and laughing with them. Sometimes all of that outweighs bigger things that they have done to us. I have gone years without talking to certain friends, and I try to reconnect every so often but what I noticed is that I have changed and they have not. It is not that you can't be friends with somebody who hasn’t changed, but sometimes those people remind you why you made those changes. Everybody comes into our lives for a reason I believe that. Some friends turn into lovers, While others turn into strangers.

I think one thing that's made all of my friendships unique, is there is always a really weird story to how we met. I remember all of these stories. When I was in my teens I was part of a group of friends who all lived in the same area, we also shared the love of drinking to drown out parents and traumatic events. Eventually some of us had kids, got married, some died too young and some of us drifted away. I often wonder where some of these people are now. in your teen years you do some pretty fucked up shit. When I was in my twenties I started having children with a boy I met at the age of 15, creating a family, which most of my teen years friends were there to witness. They after 12 years that I’ve been a mom drifted on with life, and or the way the group was run by one controlling all the plans of hanging out I eventually got kicked out of said group for calling her a selfish person in a time where I really just needed a friend, but they were all going out drinking.

I believe that one thing I do need in a friend is someone reliable, not to say I cannot deal with what happens in my life on my own, but having that friend is something we all need. I have many online people who I consider friends, though I don’t personally know them, and maybe I'll never get the actual chance to meet them. They have been there showing me what friendship is about. You don’t have to speak everyday in order for someone to be around in your darkest of hours. You can inspire others to do good in life, without even really being a part of their everyday life. You can be a friend, and an ear when someone needs it. I love that in these types of friendships there are no judgement and no lies, because in essence you aren’t actually physically in their lives. I do know that I still remain who I am off and on the screen. I am a friend to a few whom I have had fights with because we don’t all see eye to eye all the time. We do however, have the abilities to be adults, to fix the issue, and say I am sorry if we were in the wrong. Connections and communication is key to survival as human beings. We all need a friend once in a while.