Forever my love

My throat hurt, but coughing hurt more. Black thick smoke curled around my body, I knew I should get up, but this lethargy seemed to fill my bones making them as heavy as stone. My head was still bleeding, the lock stuck and when I’d pulled too hard on the old handle it snapped clean off, I fell, knocking myself out. The heavy door slammed shut about the time I’d passed out. Heavy boxes fell on top of my legs, I was trapped. I could hear faintly the sound of sirens but they seemed a lifetime away, the shrieking siren, the firemen trying so desperately to find me. They wouldn't, they couldn't. No one knew I was in the attic; cleaning up a lifetime of memories, angry because I'd asked him to do it a thousand times. How ironic, I lifted my head slightly, a smile on my already numb lips. I fought with my husband that morning, sending him off with neither a kiss or a smile. He leaned in, kissed an ungrateful cheek and said. "I love you my dearest Jane, even when you are mad.” Strange, was that normal before you died? To think of your life, your failures, your mistakes and embarrassments? But then I met you, your blue eyes sparkled when they saw me, and only me. I felt whole, I pulled myself onto my elbow. I felt tears slid down my cheeks, what a fool, what a waste, dumb arguments, holding grudges, little white lies. I coughed, I could hear them down stairs chopping down walls, calling out for me. I coughed, my head was too heavy to stay up, so I laid it down. I couldn't do it. I closed my eyes, my life playing like a movie in my mind. My children, my parents, my family. I tried to scream, but nothing would come out, I tried again and again, coughing and sputtering. That horrible black cloud lowering itself inch by inch. There weren't any inches left. At the end, when it's almost time to say Goodnight folks! A tiny spark inside me exploded, this speck of light that grew and grew, it was me, my soul in all its glory, reaching, and fighting, I knew he would find me, maybe not in life, but surely in death. Our love was that true, it is that true. I love you, yes I love you Jonathen. I knew in my heart, my soul as it reassured me, at the same time it reached with hands outstretched, to get out, to rise above that black acrid, toxic cloud that was now on me, around me, twisted between my legs and under my arms, sliding warm and thick trough my clothing and across my belly, making its way to my mouth. I screamed, and it engulfed me, filling my mouth. It tasted of death, and my frantic fingertips reached for the trap door, the handle still broken, the door was so heavy, and my limbs even heavier.. My darling Jonathen, I’m here, I'm here. Had I screamed that? No, I knew it was just in my head

I fought the darkness, the sound of my heart pounding in my ears, but it came for me. That oblivion we all must face, one day. I clutched the wedding album in my arms tightly, He's with me, even to the end.

I can’t open my eyes, but his arms are around me, his mouth is on my lips, I'd know that mouth anywhere, the sweet taste of his mouth, the smell of his fear. The ground is cold and wet, the grass yellow, sleeping as it should be on a late October eve. I’m alive?

I’m confused, why is he kissing me? My Jonathen crying, and holding me so tightly I can’t move. My head is foggy, but i’m coming back, yes I’m back and he is here, my darling has found me!

We are smiling and crying, holding each other so tightly, how silly to fight over such nothings. He is here, and he heard me, he swears he heard me call out to him, through the flames, rising high in the dusky evening, the trucks and men running around, but there's no one, just us. Just him, my love, forever my love.