MoriaCavandish

MoriaCavandish

Born and raised on the beautiful West Coast in British Columbia Canada. Spends her days looking for her next story,

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  • MoriaCavandish
    Published 2 days ago
    Forever my love

    Forever my love

    My throat hurt, but coughing hurt more. Black thick smoke curled around my body, I knew I should get up, but this lethargy seemed to fill my bones making them as heavy as stone. My head was still bleeding, the lock stuck and when I’d pulled too hard on the old handle it snapped clean off, I fell, knocking myself out. The heavy door slammed shut about the time I’d passed out. Heavy boxes fell on top of my legs, I was trapped. I could hear faintly the sound of sirens but they seemed a lifetime away, the shrieking siren, the firemen trying so desperately to find me. They wouldn't, they couldn't. No one knew I was in the attic; cleaning up a lifetime of memories, angry because I'd asked him to do it a thousand times. How ironic, I lifted my head slightly, a smile on my already numb lips. I fought with my husband that morning, sending him off with neither a kiss or a smile. He leaned in, kissed an ungrateful cheek and said. "I love you my dearest Jane, even when you are mad.” Strange, was that normal before you died? To think of your life, your failures, your mistakes and embarrassments? But then I met you, your blue eyes sparkled when they saw me, and only me. I felt whole, I pulled myself onto my elbow. I felt tears slid down my cheeks, what a fool, what a waste, dumb arguments, holding grudges, little white lies. I coughed, I could hear them down stairs chopping down walls, calling out for me. I coughed, my head was too heavy to stay up, so I laid it down. I couldn't do it. I closed my eyes, my life playing like a movie in my mind. My children, my parents, my family. I tried to scream, but nothing would come out, I tried again and again, coughing and sputtering. That horrible black cloud lowering itself inch by inch. There weren't any inches left. At the end, when it's almost time to say Goodnight folks! A tiny spark inside me exploded, this speck of light that grew and grew, it was me, my soul in all its glory, reaching, and fighting, I knew he would find me, maybe not in life, but surely in death. Our love was that true, it is that true. I love you, yes I love you Jonathen. I knew in my heart, my soul as it reassured me, at the same time it reached with hands outstretched, to get out, to rise above that black acrid, toxic cloud that was now on me, around me, twisted between my legs and under my arms, sliding warm and thick trough my clothing and across my belly, making its way to my mouth. I screamed, and it engulfed me, filling my mouth. It tasted of death, and my frantic fingertips reached for the trap door, the handle still broken, the door was so heavy, and my limbs even heavier.. My darling Jonathen, I’m here, I'm here. Had I screamed that? No, I knew it was just in my head
  • MoriaCavandish
    Published 6 days ago
    Growing old is a Gift

    Growing old is a Gift

    What is it like being one year from the big 50? It's such a loaded question. I look back and it amazes me that I’m this old. It also reminds me of my failures, my mistakes, my joys and triumphs. All I can say about life so far. It's a bit of a drama, a few tear jerkers and a lot of comedy. Which year is my favorite year? Every single one. Which is my least favorite? Every single one. Being a parent was and is the most amazing thing that whatever creator or alien or whatever the latest conspiracy theorist believes being a parent is the most amazing frightening crazy time of a person's life. The struggle, the wonder if you will kill them before they turn 18.
  • MoriaCavandish
    Published 7 days ago
    The Spider and the Dragonfly

    The Spider and the Dragonfly

    Good morning my darlings, how are we all today? Breath, remember to breathe, you're not alone, I know it feels like that sometimes, and I know how it can destroy a day, a week, or a month. I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel just not in the way you might think. The light is coming from you, not the end of your journey. After all, as Budha said there is no end, just new beginnings. Each depended on your own karma. I hold onto that, it gives me comfort. I used to feel alone, which is somewhat true. We come into this earth alone and naked, and we end that life the same way. You take nothing and nobody with you. I came from a very violent traumatic childhood that shaped how I grew from a child to adolescent, to an adult. I am still working hard to change the pathways in my brain, find better, healthier defense mechanisms to ‘Save myself’ from situations, in fact from mostly everything. I have good days where I bounce out of bed, and get the day started. Today isn’t one of them, but I have learned to use tools, coping strategies. I say this with respect, but no one can save you but you. I like that saying. I am in my late forties, and have suffered from multiple mental health issues. I used to go to the doctor, hoping for help, or councollers. And some were good, some were terrible. My first stay in a phyciatric unit was in a small community, Sechelt BC. I went in feeling drained, afraid and suicidal. I was expecting.. I'm not sure what I expected, other than simply help a little bit of compassion and understanding. I was mortified to find out it's not always the case. Talk about bursting a bubble. The nurses were tired and overworked, there were a few nice people, but one thing I learned was that doctors, therapists, nurses they are all just human beings with their own damaged psyche. Some are just able to hide it better than me. After two days, I was told I had to leave. I was shocked, I still felt bad, felt like killing myself and they were going to send me home. I did something I never had before. I begged. I begged with tears streaming down my face, please do not release me yet I told this psychiatrist. I knew in my heart I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t feeling strong enough to be out on my own. My family hadn’t come to see me, no one said anything, mental health was a dirty little secret that no one wants to admit or talk about. I was alone. After an exchaused sigh he looked right at me and said if your going to kill yourself, get it over with. My mouth dropped open, how could anyone say something so cruel, A physiatrist at that. To this day, his words haunt me every morning I wake up.
  • MoriaCavandish
    Published 7 days ago
    Sharp little words

    Sharp little words

    Those words of yours,
  • MoriaCavandish
    Published 28 days ago
    Just keep it Annie

    Just keep it Annie

    Conner was still grumbling as he sped out of the highschool parking lot. His silverado made enough noise to wake the dead. At least that's what his grandfather used to tell him. But his thoughts came back to the situation at hand. Peggy Thomspons had just dumped him outside of the highschool gym. For A jerk named Richie Sanders. A string of obscenities flew out of his mouth. Why, because Richie’s family had money, Not just money, they were filthy rich. No one family should have so much money when others had to work so hard for it.
  • MoriaCavandish
    Published about a month ago
    The Raging River

    The Raging River

    I know your going through something I don't understand. Just because I can't see it doesn't mean its not real to you. I know your heart hurts and your soul is sobbing, but I promise that the raging river inside you will calm, I promise that one day you will wake up and you wont hurt as much, you wont feel as much anger and confusion.