Foolish (Ignorant) Relationship

In a way I can’t consider this a relationship. It was a waste of three months of getting to know someone. Especially after letting the person know from the start that I wasn’t looking to get into a relationship. This is the one I regret the most but also the one that I have received surprises from. One surprise is my son that is on the way. In a way I am happy that I will have two boys but this is definitely not how I intended to do it. I wasn’t planning on being alone, left out of the blue because the other person decided they weren’t happy. This relationship has really made me pull back, really made me open my eyes and show me where I went wrong and how I didn’t follow through on the plan for me. I know I am loved. No matter what I know that when this relationship ended that I was not alone. As we all should remember when a relationship ends. We are not alone; our walk is with some special and he is always there. Never forget who stood by your side.

Like most of my relationships I met this person online. I’m not one to air out dirty laundry but my goal is to make others aware of what to avoid. Started off like any other relationship, hang out a couple of times and then of course was made to feel like I was the most special girl in the world, I fell for it like an idiot. Which then lead to us instead of just being friends becoming more than that. A mistake I should have avoided especially after a few weeks of things beginning to change. At first, he would come over and spend a little time, I even introduced him to my son which was a mistake. However, I tell everyone that I am a packaged deal. I am assuming that didn’t stick. Like every guy before him, he said he wouldn’t do anything to hurt my son and being protective like I am, I made sure of it. I don’t allow anyone to get close after the rescue relationship because my son suffered as much as I did. Anyway, he would come over spend time and then leave. Eventually he began spending a night then turned into about three. At first it was fine, it was nice having the company. However, it was a mistake to do that. I should have kept my distance and I didn’t. Which leads to the fighting and disagreement which I tried to avoid because I wanted to assume, he was different from the others.

Well guess who was wrong again? Of course, ME. I made assumptions, I tried to change my behavior to be a better person and not be jealous. Things were going fine at first, spent the holidays together but then that was when it took a turn. When asked to join me on an outing he would refuse. I began to get suspicious, began to feel unwanted. I felt that if this was how a relationship was supposed to be then why am I in it. After three times of being turned down I got upset. Like every day he didn’t notice or seemed to care. He thought that we could just move on from that but I wasn’t going to let that happen. I have had this happen in previous relationships before and it seemed to continue as a pattern. A pattern that I definitely didn’t want to continue. We also had a disagreement because I didn’t want him doing things around my home. I felt that he was a guest in my home and that I could take care of it. I let it go like an idiot because it didn’t last long. I let my guard down in this relationship and I never should have. I should have listened to what my gut was whispering and let it go but I didn’t. I let the flesh and emotions get the best of me and wanted to keep trying. Well it didn’t work out that way.

News that I wasn’t expecting is what lead to the suspicious behavior after the holidays. Just like everyone else I use social media. I received a message from his wife or so called, “ex-wife” that I wasn’t told about. When I approached him about it, he acted like it wasn’t a big deal and that he didn’t lie because he only chose not to tell me about it. I felt lied to. Even though he didn’t see it that way, it was a lie. A cover up that should have been explained two months ago. I didn’t expect a woman to get in contact with me and have me questioning things about the man I was still trying to get to know. I looked passed all this man's flaws, especially the flaw of him not working at the time. In the end this woman ended up getting into my head and I just couldn’t put trust into the relationship we were building. Which eventually lead up to him disappearing and not calling or texting for a few weeks. I felt alone and betrayed. I reached out like an idiot and of course he had an excuse. I should have never been blinded by his actions because I knew from the moment, I started spending time with him that something wasn’t right. End result of these months wasted was I got my heart broken on my birthday but also found out I was pregnant. I’ve reached out to him but no response. It took me these last seven months to realize that I need to just move on and stop being angry. This relationship was a waste of my time but it was a lesson that I should have avoided but didn't.

Overall, the only advice I can give from this is to watch out for the signs, which are called red flags. Be aware of suspicious behavior. Watch out for things that don’t seem or feel right. No one should be in a relationship alone. A relationship is made up of two people. You both put the work in. There are many details that I have left out in these relationships that I’ve explained to you but I have walked away with lessons learned. I’ve pushed people away; I’ve hurt people and I’ve been selfish. The lesson I’ve walked away with is my relationship with God needs to be right before it can be right with another human. I can’t move forward in a relationship that isn’t evenly yoked, where Jesus isn’t the center of our relationship. As hard as it may seem it is important to remember that. If you’ve been hurt over and over again as I have then you will understand. You will understand that you need to put yourself first. Slowly I am coming back from this last mistake and I’ve turned down others to avoid the same mistake.

Continue being who you are. Don’t change for someone else. My relationships didn’t last because we were in it for all the wrong reasons. Don’t make the same mistakes. Be strong. Overall, no relationship should have the power to destroy you or have you questioning who you are. I was questioning who I am, where I am going and also why I am here. Slowly I am recovering from that. Others don’t see it or believe it but at the end of the day the only one's opinion that matters is yours. Don’t just please others. Don’t stay in a relationship that isn’t safe. Don’t look for someone to rescue you because you don’t need them to. Let your mistakes be a lesson learned and let them change the way you live.