Five Tips to Consider When You Want to Sleep with a Man

I hadn't heard of the CARES method until I started to binge Jonathon Aslay on YouTube, a relationship coach, author, and owner of his website Understand Men Now.

Since being single for some time now, I thought I would take my energy and empower myself to understand men more and educate myself on their perception for any possible upcoming experiences.

In my previous relationships, I sometimes lacked the knowledge of understanding how men think or perceive us, women. I didn't always put much effort into understanding their needs and how they operate as a species.

By taking the time to research men, I understand how I want to be heard, which is why I enjoyed Jonathon's content. He made me feel empowered and gave me a whole new perception of how males and females behave in relationships.

One of the subjects I was curious about was when is it the right time to sleep with a man?

Being a demisexual, I have now understood that part of my attachment to a man is the emotional bond when having sex. Now that I know this about myself, I know if I like a man, then I need to wait until I know he feels the same way, and this is where I discovered the CARES method.

C —Feeling Comfortable

Jonathan mentions in his video that feeling comfortable is the first step in knowing if it's the right time to sleep together. If you feel pressured, or you both have had too many drinks, then it might not be something worth indulging in quite yet.

I agree with Jonathan's statement because I have slept with a man quickly, and it's because I felt comfortable with him, even though I knew it wasn't going to last.

When it came to my long-term relationships, I waited to have sex because I knew something was special about them; we built our foundation, and both waited until we intuitively felt comfortable with each other.

It depends on what you want out of the connection, and we all have different experiences but being comfortable is an excellent first step in knowing if jumping into bed with someone is the right time.

A — Being Aware

Having an awareness of the consequences of sleeping with a man is the next step that Jonathan mentions. Are you going to get hurt if it doesn't work out? Do you get attached easily?

Being a demisexual, I understand how important it is to be careful when having sex, so I don't get attached too quickly, especially if I like him. Now that I am aware and have reflected on my own sexual experiences, I have more confidence to know when it's in my best interest to sleep with a man or hold off until I feel ready.

R — What are their Real Intentions?

After you become aware of the possible consequences, either good or bad, understanding his real intentions is the next step. The only way to know this is by spending time with him.

Last year, I had some serious chemistry with someone I thought I wanted to get to know. After we left the bar, I mentioned that he could come to my house, but he wouldn't be sleeping with me. He responded by saying that he wouldn't bother, which resulted in me slamming the cab door in his face. He wasn't willing to spend time with me and try to get to know me, he only had one thing in mind, and if I allowed him to sleep with me, I would have been crushed for months because I cared about him.

Knowing his real intentions and honouring your worth will save you a lot of heartaches. Don't be afraid to be vocal and lay down your boundaries.

E — Is the sex Exclusive?

Jonathan mentions this is a big step. If you are trying to figure out if you are exclusive with each other would depend on what you're looking for out of the sexual relationship. If you know that you will or already have feelings for the person, a conversation might have to happen to ensure no other sexual partners exist.

Depending on the connection you want to have, some might be okay with having other sexual partners. It's essential to make sure you have this conversation to both be on the same page. This way, you can decide if you want to stay invested in the experience.

S — Safety

Jonathan talks about two different safety methods. The physical and emotional. You want to make sure you are physically safe by not catching any STDs. When it comes to your emotional safety, trust plays the most prominent part—trusting someone else with your emotions and vulnerability.

In conclusion

Sex is a beautiful experience. It's human nature, and both partners should come out of the experience feeling empowered.

Having wisdom and following your intuition is vital before you decide to sleep with someone you have met a few times or possibly the first time.

The CARES method is helpful tips to help guide you into sexual pleasure, so you don't come out of the experience feeling jaded or used. The more self-empowerment we have, the more expansive the experience can become.

Published initially on Medium.com in Beloved.

Copyright © 2021, Jennifer Pitts, All Rights Reserved.