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Finding the One

by ASHLEY SMITH 3 years ago in dating
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Someone for Everyone

So the saying goes, there is someone for everyone. The problem is finding them and what you need to get through on the way. The first relationship might not be the one, maybe not the second. In fact, for me, it's the fifth that's the one, around 30 years after I started the first one.

The first started after being introduced by a mutual friend, as it was my first it was rushed. Kids came too, quickly along with debt and stress. It lasted beyond where it should have ended, mainly for the children. I knew I needed out, but waited until the kids were both past 18 and left.

I was a bit lost after being with someone so long, but after a fair break, I found someone. Again we were introduced by a friend; she decided after troubled previous relationships we should be good for each other. The difference was a long distance between where we lived. We saw each other for a long weekend every other week. We had holidays together with her daughter and us. It was fun, but I knew deep down it was probably doomed. After visiting and staying in her bed from the first visit, I visited less and stayed in a spare bed. It failed for a few reasons, but I think I didn't want a new child in my life. I wanted freedom I had missed after having kids young.

After another break, my next serious relationship was a coincidence. I was at a new job and the new girl was sent to work with me one day. She messaged me a few days later and we went from there. Again, probably too quickly. We spent most nights at her place and a few together at mine. Again, kids were involved, but we managed two years before again it failed. People around me noticed my mood was low and perhaps were not surprised when I moved out.

They were surprised that I quickly moved in with my present partner as she's much younger then me. She's the one I am most happy with and believe this will last. We started through working together, but this started the slowest of all. We worked together for over a year before anything started, a few months of messing about together, and the odd illicit time. Then I moved into her house with her family and have gone from strength to strength from there. We are engaged and live in our own rented place. We work close to each other and have most evenings and weekends together. We share interests and enjoy each others company.

In the modern world of speed dating and dating sites, people want the right person served on a plate. They know people married 40 plus years and want that sort of instant perfect relationship. You might be lucky, but you might also need patience. Basically, it will take as long as it takes. I am not saying leave a relationship and expect to find the perfect one next. Your present one may improve or you may have to have a few relationships on the way.

Patience to learn about a person first helps. Also, maybe having a few relationships will help before you reach the right one. This applies for both parties. Having the experience to know what does and doesn't work helps, knowing your expectations helps. The most important can be if you have a bad experience with someone, then you can try and avoid it next time. There really is someone for everyone.


About the author


England based carer, live with girlfriend. will write for all areas but especially mental health and disability. though as stuff for filthy seems popular will try there too

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