Finding Happiness

I woke up today. It doesn’t seem like such a big deal to most people but, I was desperately trying to manifest myself out of existence in my sleep. I turned my alarm clock off and picked up my cellphone. “Zero new messages” I sighed, unsurprised but still disappointment.I got out of my bed and decided to take a quick shower when I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door and no one was there, but I did see a beautiful purple box on the doorstep. It had an orange bow and a green envelope with my name on it. I quickly took the box inside out of fear that I was being watched. I slowly opened the box, anxious that something was about to pop out at me. For a girl who doesn’t care about being alive I sure do fear a lot of things. Inside the box was this beautiful black journal and a check. I opened the notebook and it was completely blank. I sat back confused but picked up the check and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I started shaking and panicking. The check was for 20 thousand dollars! I sat back in utter disbelief and confusion but, I still decided to open the letter. It read

“Dear Emily,

I have been watching you on social media for a while and I can tell that you are not feeling well mentally and so I wanted to do something to try to help you get back on your feet. I have given you 20 thousand dollars inside this envelope, along with a black journal to fill in different coping skills and to put your feelings in words, the money is to be able to go to the best therapist you have in town. please get some help. You are not alone. Please”

I read that letter over and over again trying to figure out who could have possibly sent it but, nobody I know cares about me that much. I put the letter down and decided to go through my entire friends list on every single social media app I have ever been on in my entire life. Nothing stood out to me. Nobody I know is rich enough or big hearted enough to make such a huge gesture. After hours of searching I finally gave up and decided to go take a shower and then take a nap. During my nap I had a dream that I was 10 years in the future and I was still in the exact place I am right now mentally. I tried to escape but I couldn’t. I finally woke up and it was 2 pm. I rolled over and saw the black notebook on the floor. I decided to open it up and record my dream on the very first page. I wrote a few sentences and then whole thing started feeling pointless again so I put the notebook down and decided to take a walk outside. I walked around for a good 30 minutes and was about to head home when I saw a woman at the end of the street. She was sitting on the curb by herself. She was very clearly homeless. Her hair hadn’t been combed in what looked like weeks and her clothes wore torn and disheveled but she was humming a little song to herself while she was dancing along with her feet. I decided to walk over to her because I was confused why someone who’s life was clearly falling apart could be humming and dancing so happily. I approached her slowly because I didn’t know what to expect. “Hello” I called out to her. She turned and looked at me with a huge smile on her face and joyfully said “hello!” right back to me. I was feeling extremely bitter and negative so instead of approaching her with empathy I bluntly asked her “why are you so happy?” I didn’t even let her answer before I continued. “your life is very clearly falling apart. How could you possibility be that happy?” She stopped her dancing. She stood up and walked over to where I was standing, looked at me and said something that completely changed me. “My life isn’t falling apart” I looked at her extremely confused and she continued “I may not have a million dollars, my own car, or even my own house, but my life is actually finally starting to look up. You see I used to work for a company I hated. Every single day I would go to work and I would despise my life. I used to live with a woman who made me so intolerable every single day that I thought my life was over. One day I decided to just quit and to leave her and my job behind and I’ve never looked back. This is the happiest I’ve ever been” I just stared at her in silence for a few minutes and then I turned and ran as fast as I could towards my house. I ran through puddles and I ran through mud, I didn’t even care about getting my new shoes dirty. I opened my door as quickly as I possibly could. I grabbed the check off the table and got into my car.I drove to my bank and I deposited the check. The second I deposited the check I got 10,000 dollars out in cash. I drove back to the corner praying with every ounce of my being that this woman would still be on the corner. Thankfully she was right where I left her, still dancing along to her little hums. I pulled up and asked her if she would like a ride. She hesitated for a moment but she agreed. I took her to a hotel and led her to her room. I sat on one of the beds and we talked for hours about everything that had been bugging us. All the little traumas that had been building up over the years and all the big things too. We both cried and we laughed, and we even jumped on the beds! We stopped at one point to order takeout. She told me she wanted to be a chef at a small restaurant. She said she wanted to open a restaurant where you would be able to make friends and get to know people. A restaurant where you would never feel alone and where you could go to feel safe and like you were with family. I pulled out the envelope that I had just gotten from the bank and I handed it to her. Her face lit up but then quickly dropped. “I can’t take this” she said. I laughed and said. “Today is the first day in many years that I have felt truly happy, A kind stranger gave this money to me to get therapy and that is exactly what I did today. Take it” I left that day with a new excitement for life. When I got home I opened that black notebook and filled it with everything on this earth that is worth living for. It has been many years and every weekend I will go into my new best friends restaurant and I will write in my journal 10 more things that I am excited to live for. I walked in there last night and sat down with her and a couple other friends I have made, ordered my favorite dish, had a few laughs and finally finished the very last page of that notebook. I smiled to my self still wondering who the kind stranger was that gave me the notebook. I may never know but whoever it was, thank you. I will never be able to repay you.