Fighting depression

The year was 2006 and I was in grade seven. I was a passionate Sports person and sports was my life. I used to devote huge portion of my life to active sports. Then sports career came crashing down when I met with an accident. I had to quit sports completely. It was one of the most frustrating times. I needed a hobby desperately. My elder sister was in art crafts. I hated my sister and I hated arts and crafts. Frustration compelled me to take my sister's brush and I gradually developed a liking for arts and crafts. I wasn't so bad considering that I just started drawing.

My grandfather used to reside in peaceful but remote town. He developed some health issues primarily due to old age. He frequented to our house in the city for treatment. The health issues deteriorated and his lower limbs got paralyzed. He was permanently shifted to our house in 2007 for better care and treatment. The only silver lining in this tragedy was that I got to interact grandfather and spend time with him a lot. I got to know from my grandfather that he was an avid fan of traveling. He possessed enormous knowledge about different places on earth. He traveled to many parts of USA but had very few opportunities to voyage to foreign locations. Grandfather's health was deteriorating. The doctors advised us to keep him enough clean room and try to have a cheerful environment. That year I had lot of time during my summer break. I took the responsibility of cleaning my grandfather's room and the rest of the house. I noticed that confined to his room most of the time grandfather used to feel very gloomy. The doctors became anxious because of this and it became a big concern for us also. An idea struck my head I thought when I am cleaning the room then why not decorate the room to make my grandfather feel little lively. For decorating the room I choose different City as theme. I started with the most beautiful city in the world – Paris for the first week. My grandfather knew so many interesting stories about Paris which he learned vicariously but the way he told the stories, they seemed to be his firsthand experience. Paris is like no other place on earth, its beauty is indescribable, the amount of famous structures is astounding, and is attraction draws many tourists there every year. The city of lights’, ‘the city of Romance’, ‘the culinary capital of the world’ etc. are the deserving epithets. I pasted posters of Parisian Apartments on the wall. Paris and Eiffel tower is synonymous. So I bought a five feet Eiffel Tower. I tried to paint sunrise from a balcony on Paris etc. In the meantime the relationships with my sister got better. She also joined me and helped me with the paintings. I developed a special bond with my sister. My grandfather liked the theme of the Tibet monastic we set up. We played the Buddhist chant of Nam myoho renge kyo which meant to enable all people to put their lives in harmony or rhythm with the Buddhist law, or Dharma on loop. We positioned a medium sized statue of Buddha surrounded with white silhouettes of paper Lotus flower. We placed incense jars filled with sand litter. The room emanated a pleasant aroma and resonated inner peace. The most difficult city to recreate in our limited space was Venice. The endless streets of beauty gives the illusion of labyrinth. Getting lost in Venice is certainty for tourists. Venice gives the impression that the whole city is floating on water. The Venetians built Venice because they needed a sanctuary as they were trying to flee from barbarians, and the way Venice is shaped made it very difficult for invaders to come in Venice. Here I and my elder sister was building Venice to escape the realities of my paralyzed grandfather. We tried to pull a river using swim pool tubes. Venice was the city my grandfather longed to visit the most. The smile on grandfather’s face and glow in his eyes were enough to make the labor worth. Grandfather passed two years later. Broadway was the theme of that week. Curtains came down to that golden time of my life with my grandfather’s departure. Those memories are ingrained in me.

In my academic life and my initial years of professional life I have seen majorly the ups. However in the last few years fortune stopped smiling and I am faced with the vicissitudes of life. Recession struck hard and I lost my coveted job. With the scarcity of jobs, I had to take up a taxing job.

I was affected by stress which was a normal physical response as a result of sadness. Stress affects the mind, body, and behavior. These distresses can lead to the relationships with others like girlfriend, parents, or anyone else who is significant to turn bitter. I went through bad break up. On my body the effects of stress were muscle tension or pain, chest pain, and fatigue and on my mood the effects of stress is anxiety, restlessness, and lack of motivation and focus. I was overeating and stress eating, drinking heavily. I did not have a social life. I developed acute insomnia spending sleep nights and drained day. The situation worsened each day. I started getting nervous and easily agitated. I was subconsciously constantly fidgeting. I was suffering from lethargy, loss of motivation concomitant with difficulty thinking, poor concentration, and problems with memory. Then there were feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, guilt, and self-blame. In short I got engulfed in all the vilest aspects of depression including suicidal tendencies. When things could not get any worse, pandemic arrived.

One night when I was struggling to fall asleep, memories from my childhood started flashing. From the innermost memory registers, the time spend with my grandfather made way to my eyes. Those were the best days of my life. Then I realized how decorating the room made me exultant. I left the bed. I looked round the house. In which garbage dumb am I staying! The whole house was so untidy. Depression blinded me and I could not see the harm I have done to myself and my room. Without any ado, I started vacuuming and dusting my room. It was past midnight. When I finished cleaning the room, I felt so good. For the first time in years I smiled. I was gratified. I went to bed and I knew what I have to do when I wake up tomorrow morning. I had a hunch and so when before sleeping I mailed my office that I may be late for tomorrow’s online meeting. I was right -I woke up little late. I had the best sleep in months. The first thing I did after waking up was called by sister. I was leading a secluded life from my family and friends. Oh what a feel! I felt so light. Then I attended the office meeting with a fresh mind. My responses were so energetic that they happily excused by lateness. That evening I cleaned by drawing room. Then I thought why I stop at cleaning. Why don’t I decorate the house? Cleaning and decorating the room is the best stress relief. I gave different feel to different rooms. My social life got a kick start. I invited my neighbors, colleagues, friends and family to my house. They were enchanted to see my decoration skills. I also do voluntary cleaning and decorating work in my friends and families house. My family relationships got a restart and I ooze out a renewed charm when I interact with people. My drawing room is vintage, inspired by thirteenth century German castles filled with antiques. The kitchen is ultra-modern with advanced Bluetooth enabled Refrigerator and smart cupboards. The kitchen and drawing room are adjacent. Standing near the wall separating the two rooms, one gets the magical feel from contrasts. I am trying to give a park feel to one of the bedrooms. There the carpet is green like grass, the almirah, cupboard are in the shape of trees, bath tub has a mountain fountain feel, chairs are replaced by swings. I am having the best time. My life got decorated. Oh I forgot to mention. I will propose my new girlfriend for marriage next month.