Don't Overwhelm

This is not professional or researched , it is based on my own personal opinions on what I have seen with lots of my friends.

Many of my friends have many mental conditions that they have to cope with , these include suicidal thoughts , bipolar , autism , depression and many more. These friends often are going through hell at times but are expected by society to keep it together and pull through.

I am lucky , I am always able to deal with things without too much outside help , although saying that , friends and work support groups help keep me in a good place.

I have contemplated suicide a few times but go with the maxim that “suicide doesn’t stop the pain , it just moves it on” and I think of how much it would hurt others if I did that , and that leads me on to all the good things that would not happen were I to follow through , sort of my own little “It’s A Wonderful Life”.

One of the things is that these people have to deal with things that people like me don’t have to, so what we may see as a prod , a joke , a gentle push , to them becomes a dagger to the heart to them.

We need to be aware that when we deal with them , the friendships can be incredibly rewarding for both sides , but consideration , care and work needs to go into these.

Never overload them with mail , texts , phone calls , conversations or anything , be gentle and considerate.

Many years ago I was working on an IT contract , with two other contractors , a guy and a girl who was a single mother but kept fairly quiet and gave us minimal contact. She was working on a data extraction but was called away with family problems. After that someone asked where she was as the data requirement had been brought forward to today. Me and the other guy worked on her stuff and got the data sent off saying what had happened.

The following day she came in and went absolutely mad at us , accusing us of taking credit for her work , and trying to make her look stupid in front of the employers. I asked her to come over to a private area , get a coffee and talk this through. I told her what had happened and there was an Us and Them situation at the company and we were the Them.

We did this because WE were a team and we wanted us to succeed. She had family things to deal with so we did her assigned work. She was shocked. She was so used to being in backstabbing environments she had never come across work colleagues actually caring for her wellbeing.

It turned out her marriage had been an abusive relationship as well so she was almost always on a knife edge. We finished with a hug , she came back apologised and took a hug from the other guy and from then on conversation started flowing from her.

I was playing a charity gig , and she asked if she could come along , I said fine. We got to the gig and she asked how I had so many friends. I said I sing with the band , so tonight everyone is my friend. She had so much pressure on her with work and her family situation but I hope we were able to ease it a little. She enjoyed the gig and bought a T Shirt.

Another friend has lots of difficulties but when we speak or meet we talk for hours, but those occurrences are very far between. She tells me she listens to my voicemails and reads my texts , but again I contact her less than once a week but spent a day with her last week which was lots of chat , getting attacked by cats , and very close hugs.

These people are special but if you keep on at them they will be under pressure and feel overwhelmed.

Give them space , give them what they ask for. They may ask you for a week's break . Give it to them.

Sometimes they may ask you to call them , do that as well , they may need your hand to hold.

You may not know they have a condition , or may be vaguely aware. Ask them gently what they need for you and if you can , do it.

I am going to include a video with me singing “Sanctuary” with Spoon as it is sort of an appropriate sentiment.

Below are some links you may find helpful.

Samaritans

Mental Conditions

Andy's Man Club

Anxious Minds