Don't Let Your Happiness Depend on Something You May Lose

by Salar Sharif 11 months ago in breakups

The 'No Contact Rule'

Don't Let Your Happiness Depend on Something You May Lose

The person I thought I was going to marry broke up with me.

I am sure that many of us have been through the sentence above. I am sure that many broken hearts tried to fight back for something that was already lost. Desperately skimming through endless websites so that maybe they will find the miraculous way to get their "soulmates" back; Spending the time that they will never get back.

Many of them came across an approach called "No Contact." For my lovely readers who are not familiar with the term, it is where someone breaks complete contact with their ex for at least a month in order to move on or make their ex miss them. Unfortunately, many use it to make their ex miss them in order to get a chance with her/him again. This script is for them.

I was in a relationship for almost 2.5 years with my ex until she broke up with me. I had bought her a promise ring and we even spoke about her dress at our wedding. Unfortunately when we broke up, none of those seemed to matter. I was mentally broken down and sad. For a while every morning was abyss, as I got the sinking feeling in my stomach when the reality of her not being the highlight of my future would hit me. I had to go through over 600 pictures on my phone in order to delete them; each reminding me of every happy memory that I had with her. For a while, I would tear up at work when the song "lady in red" would play... anyways, you get the gist of it.

I did also skim through the internet in order to find an answer. I came across the "no contact rule."

"Your relationship coach... How To Get My Ex Back With Relationship Coaching."

I read that so many times. One thing that every relationship coach agreed upon was the "no contact rule" in order to get your ex back.

But why?

Is it because they are a necessity in order to live? The answer is obviously no. Then why was I so eager to make an attempt on getting my ex back? The answer is simple, It was because I have lost my Identity in her. I have become someone, just like many other broken hearts, that was accustomed to a life with my ex. So much that I forgot my own value; similar to two corporations merging together as their value also merge.

Did I still use the "No Contact" rule?

Yes, I did. Fortunately for the right reason. I used it to find myself again. I needed a time away from my ex so I could see the world around me much clearer. I had goals and dreams before I met her thus I needed to remind my self of those dreams and goals without her in them. It was time to find myself again because I was by myself again.

As I am writing this, I am still not completely over her. Part of me will always have admiration for her as she was a positive part of my life.

So why did I write this? To remind my fellow broken hearts that they are not alone and they will get through this. Imagine a slap, the initial hit hurts and you will fell the pain, but as time passes it will lessen. Until sometimes down the road, you will remember it happening but it will not hurt anymore. I wish them the best and I hope they will be able to find themselves again. As one of my dear friends told me "Do not be a cake." What does that mean? It means don't be there just for someone to have or take when they clearly do not deserve you.

"Yes, you can lose somebody overnight, yes, your whole life can be turned upside down. Life is short. It can come and go like a feather in the wind."- Shania Twain

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