Dear Liz

Dear Liz,

Do you remember when we first started talking on Facebook Messenger? I barely replied, I went silent for a week at a time, and all I did was cry and complain about losing my former best friend. I remember how patient you were, how much you let me vent to you, and how understanding you were. I honestly thought, at that point, that I would never dedicate myself to a "best friend" ever again after how painful losing that friend was for me. I felt like I was certainly not doing well enough as a casual friend to you, but you never made me feel that way. My communication was spotty, at best. My dedication as minimal, if there was any at all.

You stayed, though. You didn't give up on me. You messaged me, checked on my mental health, and you showed a consistency and dedication I wasn't used to seeing in friendships. I mattered to you, even when I didn't know how to make a friend matter to me again. Your love taught me how to be open to loving a best friend again.

Remember when we were in that Harry Potter group together, and we switched to Slytherin house because we both got re-sorted in the sorting quiz? I remember how we said, "Wow, we're practically the same person!" Little did I know I'd find so many more little, odd things that we share in common. We love and hate so many of the same things, and we share our passionate love for The Vampire Diaries and The Originals like the childish fangirls we deserve to be.

Time passed, and my guard dropped entirely; I've shared secrets, despairs, and joys with you for the past couple of years. I've put my trust and faith in you because you were entirely worth the effort. I knew that because no matter how bad of a friend I thought I was to you, you never left me. I'm used to people leaving, but you didn't.

You were there for me when my car got stolen and I was an emotional disaster. You've understood, accepted, and helped me through every tear I've shed. You restored my faith in humans and you're my favorite person to spend all day, every day texting...because who else cares about all my stupid memes?

Every day, you're my favorite friend to have around. Every time something happens, you're my go-to for, "I have to tell someone!"

Today, you lost your mom.

A woman who shone with love, light, and nothing but goodness in her heart. A woman I grew to admire the more we spoke about her, who added me as a friend to befriend her daughter's long distance bestie, who called me her "lost soul child" just a few weeks ago. The woman who adored her dog, Daisy, with an adorable passion. The woman who raised the most important friend I have, who raised a woman I've had an incredible friendship with. A woman who was the best mom I'd ever heard of anyone having.

You had to lose her, and my heart is shattered. I can't make this better for you, and I want to.

I want to tell you a step-by-step guide about how exactly to recover from this. I want to tell you that you'll be fine. I want to hug you, watch some vampires kill fictional innocents, and just make life feel a little less devastating for you. I want to hand you the entire world. I want to make all of this go away.

I wish I could bring Momma back. For you, and for the world that lost such a phenomenal heart.

I know I can't. I know my wishes and wants and words don't fix anything at all. I know the loss of your mom is a devastation I'll never fully comprehend. I don't understand, but I still stand beside you.

You taught me trust, love, and real friendship again. I can't teach you to live without Momma, but I can do one thing for certain.

I can promise that no matter what happens, no matter how you feel, no matter what your mood is or what part of the grieving process you're in, I will love and support everything you need.

You don't have to be anyone but who you need to be in the moment. No one should expect anything from you right now, and that includes myself. I will harass you, message you, send memes, pics, and whatever else without any expectations. You can ignore half of my stuff, or reply to it all. Either way, what I'm doing is showing you that I love you and I'm here.

I'll be your therapist, bestie, gossip gal, hype girl, and everything else you want.

I guess to summarize it...

I'll be the friend to you that you've been to me. Always and forever.

I love you.

-Banani