Dear Ex Best Friend

Dear Ex Best Friend,

Since I was in 2nd grade, you were the person I knew I needed to keep around. You became my best friend, and you felt like my sister. Fast forward to 6th grade, we were reunited after being separated for two years by different schools. I remember you and everything after that. Even though we were young, I know that I always thought of you as my friend. I believed that was never going to change.

I remember the times you helped me through my stupid heartbreak, your angry rants of frustration towards your parents, your back and forth relationship with that guy who didn't deserve you anyways. I also remember how many times you helped me get through rough times at my parents house. How many times you agreed that I didn't deserve it what I was going through at the time.

You were my best friend. And no one could've replaced you.

Not until we graduated high school, spent the summer apart, and I moved 1000 miles away. Since that fateful day of our graduation, we didn't see much of each other. We were both in new relationships so I don't blame either one of us.

After I moved away, you didn't call, text, or keep in touch like a best friend would. I tried so hard to keep in touch with you and our other friend. It seemed like both of you had a different objective in mind. That was not being my friend any longer. I finally got to Facetime you on Thanksgiving night. That was the only time we even got to talk.

Every other time, you were too busy for a conversation. I have to admit, I felt like I was invisible to you. Before, I had felt overshadowed by you, but now, I felt like I didn't even matter... Christmas break came and I finally got to come home. We hung out twice the whole break. You gifted me a necklace with my initial on it and I gifted you a make up set. Everything seemed like normal, like you were still my best friend and nothing changed.

It was not until I got back to school after break that I realized nothing was the same. Although you seemed fine in person, over text (which was what I relied on since I was gone) you didn't bother to talk to me. I became fed up with the lack of communication and one day I texted you again and told you how I felt like you weren't my best friend and you hurt me.

You said that I wasn't the same person I was before and that you hated that I never took your advice. It still confuses me, I didn't know a best friend meant you had to listen to every word the other said. I explained how I had my own opinion but you didn't like how "disrespectful" I was to you by not listening.

You told me that a year ago you stopped wanting to be my friend because I had a boyfriend at the time who was abusive to me. I wanted to leave that relationship, I just didn't know how. I realized that you faked our whole friendship for nine months.

You pretended to still love me unconditionally and take what things I had going on. You came to my going away party and you wrote me a card so sweet, I kept it. I cried before I left thinking what could happen between us. Because although I've been through boy heartbreak, I knew for a fact that I would be shattered if I lost you.

We went on and on over text arguing. I argued that I didn't understand why this happened and that your reasons didn't make sense. You spilled the truth about how your family hated me and that you were sick of me. I felt hurt by everything you said and to this day, I still have the text thread on my phone. I don't know why, but I do.

I know that if I ever reread that thread, my stomach will drop and I will feel worthless like how I did after the conversation.

It ended with you and your family blocking me on everything. Your mom—my second mom—ended up blocking me, which I think hurt the most. I had a lot of problems with my parents growing up and your house always felt like a safe haven for me.

Now that I knew that I didn't have that safe place to be anymore, I broke down. I broke down after you told me that you didn't care about me anymore. I felt broken that you hid everything from me for so long.

I still feel numb thinking about all of this. Reflecting on this after 6 months, it still digs deep and it still turns the knife in the wound.

My mom told me that maybe we could rekindle the friendship. That we are both in different times in our lives. I honestly don't know if we could, let alone if I would want that.

This isn't the story of how the friendship made me a better person or of how I can move on. It still hurts. It hurts more than every person I've lost before combined. Because you were the best friend. You were the one I counted on.

Yet, I still feel sorry for everything you said I did to you.

I'm sorry.

Sincerely,

Your Ex Best Friend.