Dear Ash

Hey Ash, how are you? It's funny, I write those same words every day I write you a message for Sound K, but I mean them every time. I want to know how you are, what you think, what you know, what you dream of. Can you believe it's been over three years since I stumbled upon Sound K? Almost four years since you took the DJ seat, I wonder if you have any regrets about it. I hope not, I can't imagine anyone better for the job than you. I mean, you are super kind and caring, you put people at ease just by talking to them and you are always super supportive of us. I know you aren't likely to respond to this letter, I am not expecting a response but I hope to express my gratitude for you with it anyway.

I don't know if you knew this or not, but when I first found Sound K, I didn't know who you were and I hadn't ever heard of Ladies' Code. I had been into K-Pop for about two years at that point and I didn't have anyone who shared the interest so finding new artists to listen to was a bit difficult. I still remember the first time I tuned in, you were learning rap with Tommy. I wasn't really into hip-hop or rap at the time but something made me tune in again the following Monday. You had asked a question of the day, part of the message segment at the time about first memories I think. I wrote a response, it was a little rushed because I was at work so a few details were missing but the story was my mom was trying to raise four boys on her own when I was about a year and a half and we had gone to the store. I asked her to buy a cake mix, but she told me to put it back. I waited until she was distracted and then I put it into the bottom of the cart and she paid for it without realizing it until we got home. Your reaction to that story was “What a naughty baby!” and I could hear the surprise in your voice. It was the first time that you read a message from me, the first time I had sent one in, and the first time that you left an impact on my life. I was expecting the show to be staged, like every other radio show that had “interactions” with listeners but when you read my message, I knew I was wrong. Looking back, it was the first thing that started to crack the jaded view I had on the world and started to open my mind to look at things from another perspective.

This road hasn't been the smoothest or straightest in the last three years, but what road ever is? I continued to send in messages, not as frequently as I do now but I loved the interaction between you and us, I could feel a real bond growing through the show. I have gotten scared multiple times and still do, that I might say or do something that makes you want to block me. It's my anxiety and sometimes depression talking but every time I feel that way, you say or do something that reassures me that I will be okay. I remember sending you a couple of messages, asking you to forgive me for whatever I thought I had done wrong at the time but you looked confused and reassured me that it was fine. I learned from you that I should be more open with my feelings, that I should try to communicate better with people about things I think are wrong instead of bottling it up as I have done all my life.

When I first met you through radio, I was arrogant and ignorant, to say the least. I thought I knew how things worked, even though I hadn't ever experienced it myself. The music industry and radio, for example. I didn't have an interest in blogs or vlogs, I still don't know what exactly made me start watching yours. Maybe it was the desire to get to know you better, but I was still very much full of myself and I watched the latest one you had uploaded. I think I watched the next two or three after, leaving comments that when I look back show how ignorant I was. At some point, I went back to the beginning of your vlogs and I watched them all, leaving a comment on each and feeling more and more stupid about how I thought the world worked. I remember when I caught up to the current ones, I left an apology on it for being so dumb. By sharing your experiences through those videos, as censored as some were due to your company, you helped to open my mind even further before you started your Adulting series.

You have been there for me Ash, encouraging and supporting me in multiple ways. When I was a kid, I dreamed of being a writer but I didn't know where to start to make that happen. I have always loved to tell stories, to create a world and fill it with a plot that was magical in some way. I never thought my writing was any good though, I gave up when I was in high school. Over a decade later, I met you and the rest of the Sound K fam and I had written in about my writing once. You encouraged me to go for it, to pursue my dream. I wrote many things since, mostly short stories, but I remember you had asked for scary stories for the Keep Kalm and Babble On segment and that was the first time any of my stories had been read publicly besides my Youtube videos. You encouraged me to do those too, I had decided to do them to work on my anxiety and it did help. Your support helped me to overcome the dread I felt facing the camera every time too. After reading the story, you told me “this isn't even scary!” which made me laugh because I wasn't trying to scare you, I knew you didn't enjoy scary stuff. It did inspire me to write a short story about a vengeful Korean spirit though.

Some heroes wear capes, but my heroes? My heroes are the ones who are themselves, the ones who encourage me to do and be better even if they don't know they are doing it. Heroes like you Ash, even with the struggles you deal with, you are still there for the people you care about and you make people feel special. You inspired me to be a better person and you still do. I hope you know how special you truly are, not just to me but to everyone you have met.

Love ya, Ash, I hope you can always find happiness where ever you go and that you have a hero that you can look up to like I do with you. Thank you for everything you do and for being you.