Dear 2020,
I’m writing this letter addressed to you as dear but you haven’t always been ‘dear’ to me this year. In January, you tore my heart out of my chest and squeezed as hard as you could. In February, March, April, May and June, you sat and watched me fall apart over and over again and the only hand you could lend me was time. During these months, I re-discovered my strength and my worth with the help of an army of friends and family. No stronger army had I ever seen.
During these months, you locked me at home because of covid-19, trapped with memories of a love I no longer had, a mouth I could no longer kiss and a hand I could no longer hold. You trapped me with my thoughts and a lack of creative outlets to explore them in. These thoughts weren’t always of him, but were of the gigs you’d cancelled for me and about all of my teaching work that had been cancelled. Wherever I'd go, whatever room I'd sleep in or have my morning coffee in, these thoughts would follow me. I had no escape and too much time to think. A bright light during that experience was that I started my own acting teaching business and had seventeen students over lock down. It is a decision that is still fulfilling me immensely.
Then came July and August and my heart was ringing with hope. You started to re-open theatres, albeit gradually, work was starting up again and my heart was finally ready to move forward with the grief. I started laughing more, singing more and I started to get my glow back. I started going on dates and I was surprised at how easy it was for people to like me and fall for me. Because I had no closure after my break up, I assumed that I was a horrible, unlikeable, mean human being. So when I found out that I was likeable and that people were still attracted and being attracted to me, it was quite the revelation.
In September, I met someone who made my heart pirouette inside my chest and it hasn’t stopped pirouetting since. I found a new love, a new mouth to kiss and a new hand to hold. A new love that has been anything but treacherous. A new love who is sitting beside me on the couch as I’m writing this letter to you. A new love who has made all of the pain and the falling apart worth it and I can honestly say that I'd do it all over again to meet him.
Now, my heart is the strongest it’s ever been and the love I have for myself and those around me is stronger than ever. Now, I have gigs in 2021 to rehearse and look forward to. Now, I know that it is possibly to mend from a broken heart and to find a love even more special that the one that was lost. Now, I have a better understanding of who I am and what my needs are; not just in a romantic capacity but in every capacity there is.
2020, you made me laugh, weep and everything in between. You taught me the greatest lesson of all; when my heart is broken and I feel like I’ve fallen into a bottomless pit, there will always be a way out. I will be that way out.
Yours Truly,
Vee
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If you're going through a break-up or a grieving process, here are some Vocal articles that I've written from my own experiences that may help you out:
A Bittersweet Break-Up Playlist
Things Not To Do When You're Heartbroken
About the Creator
Keep reading
More stories from Virag Dombay and writers in Humans and other communities.
Learning how to live and love after heartbreak
At the start of this year, I wrote a blog post called Grief. It was probably the most personal thing I've written and especially the most personal thing I've ever posted online. It's also my most read article, which still surprises me to this day. I didn't think my story of heartbreak and pain would resonate with so many readers but I'm glad it did and that some of you found solace in it.
By Virag Dombay3 years ago in Humans
"Directing Light: The Effect of a Sort Stranger"
In the clamoring city of New York, where the roads murmur with the mood of life and the high rises go after the sky, I had the joy of experiencing a genuinely striking individual — an unrecognized yet truly great individual whose benevolence and liberality made a permanent imprint on my heart. It was a boiling summer day, and I ended up lost in the twisted labyrinth of tram burrows, my mind whirling with disarray and disappointment. As I remained on the stage, gripping my guide and attempting to get a handle on the tangled trap of train lines, a voice got through the turmoil. "Is it safe to say that you are lost, old buddy?" I went to see a man remaining close to me, his face endured with age yet his eyes sparkling with warmth and empathy. He presented himself as Sam, and at that time, I realize that I had experienced somebody extraordinary. With a delicate grin, Sam proposed to assist me with exploring the tram framework, directing me through the labyrinth of passages and stages easily. He shared accounts of his own undertakings in the city, offering useful tidbits and support en route. However, it wasn't simply Sam's information on the tram framework that intrigued me — it was his steadfast consideration and liberality of soul. In spite of the intense intensity and the hurrying around of the city, he got some margin to help an outsider out of luck, without anticipating anything consequently. As we rose up out of the tram burrows and ventured out into the brilliant daylight, I couldn't resist the opportunity to feel a feeling of appreciation wash over me. Sam had not just assisted me with tracking down my direction through the city — he had reestablished my confidence in humankind, helping me to remember the force of sympathy and the significance of loaning some assistance to those out of luck. In the long stretches of time that understood, I frequently ended up considering Sam and the effect he had made on my life. His straightforward thoughtful gesture had propelled me to show preemptive kindness, to search for chances to help other people in my own local area, and to move toward every day with an open heart and a readiness to have an effect. Also, however I might in all likelihood at no point ever see Sam in the future, his soul lives on in the recollections we shared and the examples he educated me. He was something beyond a supportive individual I met in passing — he was a brilliant illustration of the decency that exists on the planet, and an update that even amidst bedlam and vulnerability, graciousness has the ability to illuminate the most obscure of days. Soon after our experience, I made it a highlight copy Sam's consideration in my own life. I chipped in at neighborhood covers, offering dinners and friendship to those out of luck. I assisted older neighbors with their food and paid attention to their accounts with authentic premium and sympathy. What's more, each time I assisted somebody out of luck, I considered Sam and the effect he had made on my life. However, it wasn't simply my activities that changed — it was my point of view too. I started to see the world through Sam's eyes, perceiving the magnificence and humankind in each individual I experienced. I got some margin to grin at outsiders in the city, to offer uplifting statements to the people who required them, and to move toward every communication with an open heart and a readiness to interface. Also, as I kept on exploring the clamoring roads of New York City, I conveyed Sam's soul with me any place I went. His consideration had contacted my life in manners I would never have envisioned, and I realize that I would perpetually be appreciative for the brief yet significant experience we had shared. Eventually, Sam was something other than a supportive individual I had met — he was a directing light in a world that occasionally felt dull and questionable. He showed me that even amidst mayhem and disarray, there is dependably space for consideration, empathy, and liberality of soul. Also, for that, I will constantly be appreciative.
By Nameless writer3 days ago in Humans
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