Dear 1306

Dear 1306,

For so long, I did not know myself. I lived my life aimlessly, not understanding that I was in fact still here, that I had beat my own deadline for my life. Of course, I still reap the consequences of expecting such a swift end. Every day is a gift, truly, as I breathe in the air and learn how to live again, how to live in ignorance of the sword that hangs over us all. These days, I simply pay no mind to it, just let it swing.

When I decided to teach, all those years ago, it was nothing more than an answer to get my own English teacher to stop asking me about my plans past a day I could not see myself living beyond. I did not make plans except for not being here. I reached that day, and every single day beyond that has been spent doing nothing more than “going”. With every single sunrise, I simply keep going. Doing my homework is me “going”, brushing my teeth, petting a dog, watching a bird fly, being hungry, being sad. I kept going so much that I put myself through college simply on the basis that at least I was doing something with my life. I knew if I had to keep living, then I could not do something that I was incapable of doing. Teaching became nothing more than something I could do, not necessarily something I wanted to do. I had no idea what I wanted to do…

…until I met all of you. I listened to your stories, I learned not only your hardships and struggles, but who you are as people. I watched all of you beat the odds other people did not believe you could beat. Suddenly, everything made sense. When I was your age, I could not save myself, not entirely anyway. My body, my physical being, kept going, but my mind changed. It had been to places nobody that young should be made to travel, seen and felt things none that age should have to experience. If I could not save myself, I knew, I could do everything in the power I have now, the power I did not have back then, to make your lives even just a little better, just a little easier.

You gave me passion again. You gave me a purpose, and you made me a part of something bigger than myself, bigger than simply surviving my days. I wake up in the morning thrilled to see all of your faces because I know we are going to do fantastic things. I love when you ask me for help, and I love rooting you on once you start to realize that you know the answer, and you do not need me as much as you think. Watching each and every one of you grow, learn, laugh and work hard fills me with pride, and I am thankful for every second of it.

You all are going to grow up to be absolutely fantastic humans and live fantastic lives, and I am blessed and honored to be a part of getting you to that finish line, a better and brighter finish line than I aimed for for myself. I know the work is hard, but you all work harder every single day. No matter what happens to you after you leave our room, no matter what path you head down, I sincerely hope you remember this: never stop working hard, never stop learning all that you can learn, and never give up on yourself.

To the students of classroom 1306: Thank you.