Dating In The 21st Century: From A Man's Perspective

Dating in the 21st century has become much more complex than it was when I first started dating. Looking back, I now have four decades of dating experience to pull from, and yet, I still haven't figured out what happened to the process of building relationships with the opposite sex. I remember the simpler times. I remember them with a fond admiration and concern for those that are living and growing up in this new world of ours. How much, I wonder, are they missing out on in the world of instant gratification, "casual encounters", "NSAF", and "FWB".

Remembering those first dating experiences that we enjoyed when we were young, they consisted of the basics. At sixteen you might pick up your date, go to a movie, hang out at the mall, and really get to know one another. There were little in the way of expectations, and far less stress to be anything other than in the moment. The feelings were complicated, hard to understand, but exciting at the same time. Then came, at least for those of us that were past a certain age, the pains of adulthood.

Times change. With the changing of times comes the changing of people. We adapt, we evolve, we overcome. That is how we survive as a people. The changes to dating, however, have made romance and relationships a thing to contend with. With the internet boom, by the late 90s, meeting people became more automated. Algorithms replace effort to meet someone you're compatible with, making things "easier" and more efficient. Curiosity about someone becomes less important than information meant to match you with a mate gets put into a server a thousand miles away.

Talking. Talking is one of the unfortunate victims of technology, and a victim of the change in the rules of dating. Coming from the time of picking up a phone and calling a girl, just to let them know you were thinking about them, we now communicate in short messages or texts. An entire generation struggles to communicate with their voices. Then came flirting and sexting, further exemplifying the generational lack of real communication.

The rules became murkier and murkier as time went on and by 2005 even the most avid of dater couldn't keep up with them. As people grow, their pasts don't grow with them. We all have one, and that led to finding out about changes in the accepted practices in the dating ritual. I remember one, in particular, the most confusing reaction I ever got from a first-date encounter.

It was during the county fair week around my hometown. I'd been "talking" to an old friend. We decided after being friends for nearly 20 years, going back to our freshman year in high school, that we'd go out and have a good time. She was always cute, fun, easy on the eyes, and easy to talk to. After going to dinner and out to the fair, we decided to go for a walk around the lake. We talked about the years we had been friends, why we'd never dated when we were younger, and how she'd always had a crush on me. It was a pleasant surprise. The murky part came when we started kissing and things got a little heated. My gut told me, as I was leaving for ten days the next morning, to hold off on anything too intense, at least until a second date. When I came back from Florida, she was gone. She wouldn't answer my calls, wouldn't respond to texts, and anything further would be considered creepy. A month later, thru a mutual friend, my chivalrous leanings were taken as a rejection and as I would learn from a female friend, women do very poorly with rejection, especially if it was me.

As rules change, guys and gals, we'll all have to adapt to the rules and learn to understand one another, and what it is we really want. The future of dating and relationships has been placed at stake by so much change and so little reliance on old mores (pronounced morays). We're all guilty, each and every person. The needs we succumb to, the ease of instant gratification, our baser instincts, have become the barrier to happiness in the new millennium. We need to find our way back to such ideals as loyalty, honesty, commitment, and I would dare say, imagination in the dating world.

Above all else, we have to be willing to put ourselves out there again. This may be the hardest, most complicated thing to do in the 20s. 2020 and beyond has become the decade of isolation. Covid-19 has made it hard to meet new people as businesses, entertainment centers, movie theaters, and restaurants have all spent more time closed than open. Special events, fairs, carnivals, concerts, and sporting events have been canceled, postponed, and left us with fewer avenues of escape from our daily lives.

So, before the advent of robots and clones becoming the quick fix for relationships, the scourge of internet porn replacing real human contact, and the internet becomes the only way you meet the stranger who can write anything about himself, if you're single you should get out there, meet new people, and find that special someone. Good Luck!

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This story is just my personal opinion about dating in the 21st century. I hope you enjoyed this story and saw the reasons to make the best of life, without all of the technology that grants us instant satisfaction and gratification. Please feel free to share this, as the success of articles like this ends with you, the reader.