Dating as an Introvert

by LeAnn Murch about a month ago in dating

The ups and downs of trying to date

Dating as an Introvert

The definition of an introvert is vaguely put as being shy, but there's so much more to it. It has a lot to do with being overwhelmed by people and social settings. Anxiety kicks in and you just become so very uncomfortable when surrounded by people. It drives you inside and makes you come off as an awkward individual, but luckily you're not alone, there are so many other introverts out there in this world, finding them can be easy but dating them can be tricky.

As an introvert myself, I find the best way to date is through online dating apps. The awkward social setting has been eliminated, so there's more comfort virtually meeting someone online and getting to know them. There are issues with online dating just like there's issues with dating in the real world. The biggest problem I've found is everyone comes off as social so it's hard finding other people who are like you and will understand that meeting for the first time can be a difficult time.

As a writer, I have no problems typing to someone and expressing myself. Words flow through my fingertips, so I come off as a very open individual. I have this thing where I believe you can feel a person's vibe through the way they speak through texts. If the vibe is wrong, I just won't message you back, but if I feel something I want to know more, I want to read you like a book and discover all your secrets and everything that has made you the person you are.

I'd rather spend a few weeks texting to get to know a person, and only introverts can understand this. Most people want to meet within a few days of conversing. No matter how many days or weeks we spend talking, the first meeting is always an awkward one for any introvert. We have to mentally prepare for a social setting, even if it's just a meeting with one person, preparing our minds for an in person meeting is crucial.

Leaving the comfort of our home to meet someone sparks a rush of anxiety and a surge of unwanted negative thoughts. So it takes a few days to gain our strength and courage to meet someone. Once the day comes to finally meet we are completely prepared for any outcome. We have to prepare for awkward silence, them asking too many questions and expecting us to answer in the same manner as we do through text. That one event of meeting for the first time is so exhausting we might not want a second date for a few weeks. Even if the meeting goes well, our minds and bodies need recovery as if we just had a long week of hardcore weight training.

Once the barrier of meeting has been broken and you're dating, there's still those moments of not wanting to talk or hangout. No matter how long you've been seeing each other an introvert needs their space so it's just something you have to accept. Sometimes we will make plans for the future, but our daily routines can be enough to exhaust us and overwhelm us, so we cancel plans at the very last minute.

My issue as an introvert is expecting someone to understand that I just don't feel social on date nights and it might just be easier to stay inside together, curled up on the coach reading or watching a movie in silence. Most people will get tired of this same old boring routine which is why it's easier to just date another introvert who understands. But dating another introvert can also be just as tricky. When an introvert has the desire to be social, they want to use up that energy and go out on the town and exhaust themselves with socialites. But if you're both introverts and one is ready to be social but the other isn't, then problems arise and feelings are hurt.

Opening up about the negative things in your life and talking about things that make us uncomfortable is ten times worse as an introvert. We start overthinking and wondering how the conversation will go when the person you're dating finds out about all these negative likes and dislikes. We become so overwhelmed that we shut down and just avoid those conversations. So when an introvert does open up, don't take that shit lightly; it's such a difficult task and it's a huge sign that they were comfortable enough to tell you personal things.

There's so much to tell when it comes to an introvert, but the main things are allowing us me time, not forcing us into social settings when we've clearly stated we don't want to be around other humans and accepting we will open up on our own terms. Don't come into an introvert's life, have them comfortable enough to trust you and tell you vulnerable things and then leave us. It's already hard enough dealing with every day life, adding rejection to the list can break what little spirit we have left. Either accept our weirdness or don't waste our time.

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LeAnn Murch
Just a crazy woman trying to survive the madness of life.
One bossy bitch with lots to say. Tattoo and music junkie. I'm socially awkward so I do my best speaking through my finger tips.

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