Sometimes, you really do have to disconnect, completely. It took me a while to come to terms with this. Because for so long I allowed people to determine for me what's [considered] right or wrong. I'm done with allowing people to make decisions for me. I can make them for myself. This is a topic we hardly, if ever, speak on. But it's a topic that's necessary to touch on. We live in a world where a gross amount of our followings and social media "friend's list" aren't truly friends at all, or even associates. They are made up primarily of people we are trying to prove our success to or too fearful to disconnect from. But why? I could care less about proving to you that my life is great without you in it... that my life is great period... or posting visuals of how "abundant God's blessings are in my life."
(inserts sleepy face emoji)
I'm at a point where I am disconnecting myself from dysfunctional and disconnected relationships.
Not my friend.
No, you are not my friend if you could like my post, but not pick up the phone to call me to have a real conversation, expressing how and why you "feel some type of way."
No, you are not my friend if you could upload subliminal memes and post shady comments directed towards me instead of actually speaking to me.
No, you are not my friend if you would rather not speak than find a solution.
No, you are not my friend if we don't speak at all... let alone on social media... but not even in person.
Some will think their level of maturity is greater [than yours] because they continued to [heart] your post, even though you're not [technically] speaking. But I find that to be utterly disturbing and immature. It's easy for some to [heart] a post, but not resolve a conflict? It's easy for some to [heart] a post, but it's challenging to say, "let's talk"? Instead of finding a solution, most would rather let conflict fester and discuss with EVERYONE else how they "feel some type of way," except with the person the feelings are directed towards.
I don't get it.
The "you can be difficult" excuse is tired. Real friends tackle conflict without being confrontational. [Scrap that!] Mature human beings tackle conflict without being confrontational. I have been scolded by others for deleting people from social media. I've been told it's "petty" and immature. But since when did deleting frienemies become immature or petty. When did disconnecting from toxicity, drama, and dysfunction become petty or immature? Why do we constantly allow ourselves to be connected to and tied down to dysfunctional and disconnected relationships? Why do we make excuses for maintaining these types of connections? We've been so chill about maintaining relationships that are toxic, drama-filled, half-sided, and dysfunctional that we don't realize we actually have a CHOICE. We have a choice not to exert our energy or invest ourselves in these types of relationships, especially when they leave us feeling mentally drained and emotionally exhausted.
You can cut ties with people. It is OKAY! Delete a toxic person, and watch how great you'll feel.
[inserts virtual hug]
You can cut ties with people who aren't conducive to your growth. You can cut ties with people who aren't reciprocating what you're pouring out. We've allowed... [no, scrap that]... I can only speak for myself. I've allowed people to make me feel guilty or accepted ridicule for making decisions that were [not only] ultimately best, but healthy for JUANITA. Sometimes, holding on for dear life causes much more damage then just letting go.
Let go and understand that they are not your friends. Let go and understand that it is time to cut ties. Accept that cutting ties does not mean you are bitter and unforgiving. It does not mean you are petty or immature. If I see you, I will definitely speak, because we can be cool... but we can't be close. Understand, that there's a difference between half-sided friendships and divine connections. With divine connections or divine interventions...you're connected for a reason. You're there to fulfill a purpose. And with these kinds of relationships, we cannot expect reciprocity because the connection was never meant to become a FRIENDSHIP in the first place (forced friendships). Just because you have purpose in their life, doesn't necessarily mean they'll have purpose in yours.
We must also grab hold of the importance of making sound decisions when cutting ties. We should not be making any decisions that are emotionally-driven. That's immaturity. That's petty. Our decisions should not be based upon being upset because someone didn't like or share our post, or because someone simply made you mad. I am speaking on a basis of cutting ties with toxic, drama-filled, dysfunctional, negative, and disconnected people, who are determined to make themselves unavailable to you. And so my question to you is... Why are we so driven to allow everyone access to our personal space? Especially when everyone doesn't deserve to have access to that special side of you. This year, I'm all for protecting my space, protecting my peace, disconnecting from the disconnected, and making myself unavailable to the unavailable. I will no longer hold onto or entertain half sided friendships or nurse dysfunctional relationships. I deserve better than that. We all do. The same way we seek God for the right man, is the same way we should seek Him for the right friends!
(And be a good friend!)
If our friendship is solely based on a "like" and a [heart] then surely we have no solid foundation to build upon. We have no foundation at all. Because if you could go weeks, months, even years without speaking and getting to the root of the problem—or moving on from a simple misunderstanding—then you were never really a friend to begin with. Listen, I have spent way too many years of my life chasing people for their friendship. I have spent too many years initiating hard conversations because a "friend" chose not to speak at all. No one deserves to carry the emotional weight of a friendship, while the other simply dismisses and disposes it. They use to say if you and a friend don't argue, you're not real friends. Well, now I say... if you and a friend argue, but never bounce back... you were never really friends to begin with. We can forgive a man, but can't forgive a friend. Hmmm why is that?
Social media has made it so easy for us to birth and nurture dysfunction. We could go weeks without speaking... but they'll still "like" and [heart] all your posts! They won't speak to you in person, but will send you a friend request. We share a large part of ourselves on social media. And so why do we share it with the very people who either don't like us, don't speak to us, or don't bother with us? (Now that's a question I'd love to hear your answer on). Why do we maintain connections where there is no true connection? All for the sake of saying you have "friends"? Something is wrong with that picture.
[Baby, I'd rather have no friends, than two fake ones.]
I am cutting away at dysfunction. And in doing so that does not mean that my love for them will cease. It never could. There's no way to undone love. I just understand the importance of building strong relationships and maintaining the ones that are conducive for the both of us. One person can't be responsible for doing all the work. Initiating all the calls. Starting all the hard conversations.
I have been friends with people who wanted to be chased. I have been friends to people who weren't a friend to me. For those of you who'd be honest enough to admit it... you've had or have friendships where if you don't reach out to them, you'll never hear from them.... and BOOM... the friendship dies. Not my friend. I refuse to be connected to those types of people any longer. I just pray God blesses me (US) with friends we don't have to cut off every new year!
LOL #realtalk this is my prayer... for GOOD friends.
Ctrl. Alt. Delete.
Delete a toxic person, and watch how great you'll feel.
About the Creator
Raw. Relatable. Practical. Transparent. JD is an author & content creator. She uses her writings of transparency and rawness to be a telescope that will help hurting women see their God-given future through their painful past.