curious

I have always asked questions out of curiosity or even to just make sense of what I see or hear. I have some friends and many associates in the LGBTQ+ community and we get along well I would say. As life goes on, I have always asked questions or ben told whom I am or was because of how I dressed or how someone else felt should be. When I was 7 my cousin manipulated me into a sexual act, she had made threats and even harmed me. She was 15 years old. I had been a sexually abused by both men and women, by that I was asked “have you ever just gave in?” Me I was thinking (how does sexual assault have to do with…….?) SERIOUSLY!!! 4 years ago, I had a co-worker try to get me to believe I was a lesbian as a kid because I dressed tom boyish or like a boy in general. I asked her “what does clothes have to do with my sexual preference?” I proceeded to tell her “why would I play football in a dress? Or ride a bike in one just so the tail end of it can get caught in the spokes?”. As I told her I also dressed like a girl not because I was forced to because I wanted to. I had asked my peers along the way why they have chosen the same sex for their sexual orientations and the answers made me laugh, feel bad, and sad how confused and complicated they made their lives. Again, these are thoughts that may or may have not come through these lips upon my face.

An old high school friend told me he has never been with a woman and why he chose to be with a man. So, I was more than intrigued to know. He said, “I looked up a vagina on the internet, it looked weird!” I bursted into laughter I mean tears streaming I laughed so hard. I apologized of course and I asked, “so that is the reason? you got scared of a picture of a vagina?”. I then thought “how many other people have gotten scared at the sight of the opposite sex’s genitals?” I love him dearly and I fully supported him and all his endeavors. I had also heard “I need to teach a man how to be a man!” or “I need to a model woman they know how to be.” Or “I was tired of trying to figure the opposite side out” or “I gave up” or “he knows how I want it done” that one was funny to me because everyone has different taste. The one that hit hard was “I want that love and attention too! The support from another woman is amazing”. Some people have been physically traumatized and refuse to be with the same or opposite sex due to that alone. One more. Some people think the opposite side has it a lot easier and rather live that way.

I have nothing against anyone and the choices they make it is their choice after all. When I have questions, I will ask. One that still gets me is when I see people portraying a straight couple or transgender couples like both transgender. It is still a straight monogamous couple in all retrospect…right? It is all fascinating. I just watch the parade sometimes I join the festivals because it is fun to be had. Once I heard this young man say “I enjoy the festivities, but is this just a celebration for a “sexual orientation?” it is okay to be gay and open than we are just I kid of feel like we are forcing it on others”. This young man is amazing and to this day is a great buddy of mine. There are upsides and down sides to everything, and we just must be mindful.