Common Mistakes We Make In Relationships
Whether you're a relationship expert or new to the dating scene, there are common mistakes we make in relationships, and the best way to avoid them is to be aware.
I don't care who you are or what you do, anyone that claims to live a perfect life with their significant other is full of crap. Of course, relationships can be strong and full of love and happy days, but expecting two separate individuals to agree on everything whether it be parenting, finances, sex, etc. is absolutely ludicrous.
Relationships are constantly evolving due to our lives changing. For instance, the "honeymoon" phase is nothing like the "parents of young children" phase. No longer do you want to run through the door and have an intense make-out session, instead, you'd rather be relieved of the crying child in your hand so you can finally take a shower, alone, with the door locked. During those years women may expect more help without vocalizing it or couples may stop making time for each other, all very common relationship hurdles. Or how about the years where finances took an unexpected turn for the worse? Going through a time like that may result in couples keeping secrets or resenting each other. Once again, it's not just you, it's marriages worldwide making these same common mistakes we make in relationships. But, with some awareness and change, there is always hope.
Taking each other for granted.
This can go either way, taking your partner for granted or taking your partner too little for granted, both are very common mistakes we make in relationships. Assuming our partner will stick around no matter what you say or do is like the slow and silent relationship killer. Your partner is left feeling defeated, unwanted, and not needed. Sometimes the best thing you can do is imagine your life without your partner. If you really were to split what would your everyday look like? Not just financially and with child care but the effect on yourself. Perhaps, this vision is exactly what you need to remind yourself of how important your relationship is and give you the nudge to pay attention. All humans want to feel needed and there is only so long someone will go before they start looking for that somewhere else.
Now taking your partner too little for granted is also unhealthy and one of the common mistakes we make in relationships. To constantly worry about your spouse or question your relationship can become an obsession that often leaves you being clingy, insecure, and down right annoying. This can cause your partner to feel suffocated and overwhelmed with the constant need to show you how much they love you. If a text isn't answered right away or sex isn't wanted one evening, does not mean they don't love you, so take a step back, a deep breath, and have confidence in the commitment you made to one another.
Expecting your partner to be a mind reader.
What do you mean you can't read my mind? You can't tell that I want you to wash the dishes? My body language isn't screaming that I need a good hug and compliment? You're not tracking my menstrual cycle to know that I am PMSing right now and it's best you back off!? I wish I could say I am not guilty of this, but I can't. If I were to vocalize everything I need help with, want, and wish my partner would do then I would be speaking from sunrise to sunset (and perhaps even some sleep-talk bitching).
However, I am aware that this is wrong and I try to be conscious of it and remind myself it isn't right. Now I am not saying men are clueless, but yeah they're mostly oblivious to what we want and need. This is probably one of the most common mistakes we make in relationships. My only advice is to communicate. He doesn't know you want him to wash the dishes tonight, he is probably moseying around not even realizing there are plates in the sink. Communication is key and while something's should come naturally other things should be delegated and discussed. If you feel you aren't getting enough help, love, or time from your other do not assume they know this, because they don't or else it wouldn't be a problem.
Getting caught up in everyday life.
Everyday life can be a struggle. A rat race to get everything done in the short amount of time we have. Perhaps this is why the years fly by with the blink of an eye because we constantly "go go go" rather than enjoying the moment. It is so easy to put your partner last when you have 100 other things to do, especially if you have young children. They need you more than anyone and after a day full of meeting their needs, getting your work done, and taking care of shopping, cleaning, and occasionally doing something for yourself, some days our spouse is the last thing on our mind.
Eventually, these days add up and before you realize it has been months since you really put in any effort into your relationship and spent quality time together. Now, some say your partner should come first, but personally, with my two small children, I would be lying if I said they didn't come before my husband. However, they won't be this young forever and eventually, your children won't need you half as much. If you can make time for occasional date nights and intimacy during the younger years, you'll have plenty of time to make up for later.
Expecting them to change.
When I hear the saying, "people don't change" I have to disagree. I don't think you can turn a gay man straight but I do believe couples can learn from one another which results in little changes of who we are. I can say I have experienced this first hand. I am definitely not the person I was when I met my husband. My fears, my jealousy, my lack of self confidence still linger but they are nothing close to what they were. Throughout the years I have changed the way I feel about myself and the way I feel about marriage thanks to my hubs and our relationship.
However, my husband married me for me, for the crazy chick I was then and has never asked me to change. So for partners to expect this extreme evolution by constantly complaining or demanding it will only push them away rather than making things better. This is one of the most common mistakes we make in relationships. You have to want to change for yourself not just for your spouse. Now as for cheaters, can they change their ways? I am torn on this one but I do believe people make mistakes and can feel massive remorse and guilt and live a life of faithfulness afterwards. On the other hand, there are those a-holes who cheat, put on a convincing "I'm sorry" show, and then repeat the cycle again and again.
Trying to control each other.
Just like expecting your partner to change and be a mind reader, trying to control them is even worse. Attempting to control your partner is one of the common mistakes we make in relationships. Unless you signed up for a sub-dom relationship then there is no reason or right to try and control your partner. Yet time and time again I see it happen, making it an unfortunate yet very common mistake. Control is usually stemmed from a deeper problem like lack of self confidence, trust issues, and so on.
So when Rob won't let Sarah go out with her girlfriends without him, it's probably not because he doesn't like her company but rather from his lack of trust. This is a subject that can run very deep and be very dangerous, but it can also be little comments and rules that we aren't even aware of. From how long you can go out for to what shirt is acceptable, this will eventually become a problem. So let your partner breathe a bit. Even though you are a team does not mean you get to dictate each other's every move.
Sharing too much with others.
Why do people love to share everything about their relationship on social media and in turn, the world? Granted, maybe I shouldn't talk because I write about my own personal marriage, but this is my job so it's different. Don't get me wrong I find it sweet to post a pic of the gorgeous flowers your lover sent you and I don't mind looking at a few (keyword FEW) beautiful couple snapshots with sentimental love quotes, but when you start to share private details or post subliminal hate comments is when it becomes too much.
Relationships are intimate and while confiding in your close friends is OK, letting the world in on your struggles is not OK. You should also take into consideration who you confide in and exactly how much you divulge. Information like that can sometimes skew a person's opinion and the last thing you want is to create haters for your spouse. This is one of the common mistakes we make in relationships. And even though you believe that certain friends would never repeat your secrets, sometimes they do. You do not want to make that relationship mistake, trust me.