Come As You Are: 5 Stars

Emily Nagoski's book, "Come As You Are" is an informed, researched, and mindful book that discusses sexuality, human behavior, and desire.

If you've read any of my previous book reviews you've probably noticed I tend to stick with fictional novels as opposed to non-fiction. However, Nagoski's book is a must-read in my opinion.

As a sex educator, Nagoski is well-informed on the nature of human sexuality, pleasure, and desire. Throughout her book, Nagoski shares real stories and supports her advice with well-informed and current research.

Below I will take you through my top-5 takeaways/what I liked best about this book.

Disproving Societal Norms

We all have different ways we experience the world. We're unique from other people in millions of different ways. Why would sex be any different? A lot of people, especially women tend to think there is something "wrong" with them if they experience too much or too little pleasure or don't "desire" the things in the ways society tells us we should.

We all experience pleasure in different ways. If you don't adhere to "societal norms" there's nothing "wrong" with you. You may just need to try something else. That's okay. That's okay. That. Is. OKAY!

Real Stories

Nagoski uses real accounts from couples and individuals who have shared their sexual experiences with her. Nagoski uses these experiences to help her readers see the vast differences from person to person and couple to couple.

She describes what she calls "accelerators" and "breaks" and how one person's accelerator can be another person's breaks.

With each story, she encourages the couple to try new things, be patient and, communicate with each other.

Communication

Communication is a constant theme I noticed throughout this book. As a Marketing and Communications major, I always find a way to talk about the importance of communication. This is no different when it comes to your sex life.

We first see the importance of communication with the people who are willing to speak to Nagoski about their personal experiences. Sex is often a touchy topic. You don't want to be the person who reveals too much or is seen as "abnormal." Nagoski encourages her audience to talk about sex not only with her as a trained and researched professional but more importantly, with their partner.

If something isn't working, how will your partner know if you don't talk about it? If you have certain expectations, wouldn't that make it easier if your partner knew what they were?

Research

For every opinion, story, or experience that is shared in this book, Nagoski backs it up with recent research. I found it extremely interesting and informative.

Encouraging Differences

Throughout the novel, Nagoski develops a common phrase, "We're all made of the same parts, but in each of us, those parts are organized in a unique way that changes over our life span." Nagoski encourages us to listen to our bodies, not the opinions of others.

We are encouraged to explore and celebrate our differences, not continue to do what is "normal."

Final thoughts

After reading this book I started thinking more about the conversations surrounding sex. Most of our first introductions to sex come from our parents during "the talk" which is typically uncomfortable and rushed. From that first conversation, sex has become an uncomfortable topic.

Before I continue let me pause to say I understand I am making a generalization. I'm sure/I hope there are people who didn't go through the typical uncomfortable talk but had an informed and comfortable conversation with a knowledgeable and safe person.

All of this say, Emily Nagoski has found a way to talk about sex that is not uncomfortable, not one-sided, and not taboo eliminating.

"Come As You Are" encourages self-discovery, love, communication, mindfulness, confidence, and differences. There isn't one point within the book where Nagoski claims one thing to be a solution. Instead, Nagoski gives well-informed and researched suggestions.

I'd highly recommend giving Emily Nagoski's book, "Come As You Are" a read.

Thanks for reading my book review of "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. Stay tuned for my review of "The Zoo Keepers Wife" by Diane Ackerman coming soon!

Leah Lawrence