Choosing What To Sea

There's a ship far off on the horizon, and all I can think about is who might be on it.

Is it a boy and his dad who only get every other weekend together? Maybe they like to go out at sea so they can drown out the rest of the world, and just enjoy each other's company for what little time they have.

Or, maybe on that ship there's a man who has just lost his dad. Fishing could've been one of their favorite things to do together, and that ship was probably bought and named after him once he was born. This could be his first time on the ship without his dad.

The sailor could be some badass woman who built it herself, or a different badass woman who bought it herself with the money she made from starting her own business.

Maybe it's a couple of spoiled high school kids getting drunk on their daddy's ship, or perhaps just one spoiled high school kid who hates the family she was born into, and uses the ship as a place to get away from all the pressure.

Is it a couple that's been together for 50 years, but never got married? Or, possibly a couple getting engaged? Or, a married couple that go out on their ship when they need a minute away from their children? Maybe their first date was on this ship, and it takes them back to a simpler time. A time, that when they think about it, they're reminded of why they fell in love.

I don't have a family. I've been on my own for as long as I can remember.

I think that's why I tend to do this sort of thing. I see a stranger in a crowd, and automatically wonder what their story is. I pass by a house I've never seen before, and I imagine who could live there and what their life might be like. I'm fascinated by the stories I will never truly know. I enjoy making up these little scenarios in my head except, almost every time, my mind drifts off to question whether these people and their families could somehow be my actual family. I know the chances of that are slim, but I can't help myself. What if that little boy and his dad on this ship are actually my nephew and brother in law? Or that couple that never got married are my parents?

I know that sounds silly. I also know that it is incredibly sad and exhaustingly torturous to hope as much as I do for something that is impossible. But here I am, on the same beach that's been in my backyard for 5 years now, staring at a ship that I've never seen before, desperately needing for the people on that very ship to be related to me in someway.

My feet are barried in wet sand, sinking further with every wave that passes and now I'm left thinking about if anyone has ever seen me and drawn up their own conclusion of my life. Did they picture me growing up with happy parents and 3 happy sisters? Maybe in their eyes, I'm the youngest of 5 children and the only girl. Or potentially, they got it right by assuming that I was little orphan Annie, only Daddy Warbucks didn't come to my rescue and I can't sing even a tiny bit.

Honeslty, I don't think I could give them an answer if anyone asked me what my story is. I think that concocting up all these different storylines has distracted me from my own. It feels easier to insert myself into other people's lives. That way, I don't have to deal with the complications of my own life. In these pretend worlds, I can be whoever I want. I can have as many family members as I choose, and I can live a life that I've always dreamt of.

At least that was the case, until this very second when I hear a voice behind me that sounds like my own.

All she says is “Hi” and now everything has changed.