Choose Your Status X, Y, Z

by Amber Gant 6 months ago in advice

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Choose Your Status X, Y, Z

Society as a whole tells us to marry and be happy. Books of old have said to be fruitful and become many and fill the earth. It also alludes to those who can make room for singleness to do so and they will prosper. So, what is the better of the two choices? Each must choose for themselves what path they shall take and only each individual can know for sure what is best for them. Each path has its own rewards and no one can walk each path simultaneously. Some marry, some stay single, some are in committed relationships without the labels and others just give up on the whole ordeal.

Most people dream of getting married, get married and stay married enjoying the bliss as well as enduring the heartache. For those determined to marry, the best option is to wait till they know who they truly are first and do not settle until they meet their match. Rushing into a lifelong commitment before the bloom of youth is over will always leave a person damaged in some way. At this time in life the majority pick someone for all the wrong reasons, a feeling, looks, emotion and impulse. It is difficult to prioritize what are the most important things to look for in a mate when at this point people do not know what they are looking for and what they will need in life as one spends a lifetime with another.

A smaller group devote their lives to a cause or focus and because they are not obligated to relationships, they are able to focus on the work at hand: mastering their crafts or discovering new truths and enlightenments. Even though many stay single and do this; late in life they may regret not having a family to say goodbye to on their death bed as their life draws to an end. It is really just a choice in priorities and desires. Humans tend to want to share their lives with others and do not want to enter the void alone.

Some may choose to be in a committed relationship but agree to never get legally married. It is felt that once the document is signed as husband and wife you are sealing your fate to eventually part. The signatures turn into sigils binding the couple to a cursed and doomed future. Living together out of wedlock was frowned upon and illegal until recent times. Now it is more common than ever to live with someone before you marry them, so that you can get a better picture into what you are getting into.

The hang up for most when making these decisions is their feeling of self-worth and position in society. The belief that if you do not have someone then you are valueless, or faulty. People are so insecure with who they are that they feel like they have to team up to amount to something. When in truth we all bring something unique to the table of humanity and each should be appreciated in their own way for their special contributions, abilities and perspectives. What should matter is what we do and how we treat others not our relationship status or lack thereof.

I was once a dive all in kind of woman who prided herself on being able to love anyone. I quickly learned that that did not matter at all because if they did not love you back in kind than it was in vain. I ended up with two failed marriages to broken men and two beautiful boys. A lot of responsibility and heartache all for loving the wrong people and trusting their pretty lies. My sons have fathers that are poor role models if you can even call them that. One is never around chasing his next high and the other is caught in a rip curl fight for his mental health. I loved many times and married young before I realized what I needed and who I would become and am still becoming. My heart aches for my children who have to live with the remnants of families built and abandoned. I now have chosen to forsake love and focus on the things that can not destroy me in an instant.

In the end, there is no perfect plan or right choice when it comes to relationships, getting married or staying single. To each their own and each had better mind their own business because other people’s choices are none of ours. My only argument is to urge others to be informed and sure of what path they take. If someone chooses to marry, it would be best to take their time and really think about who they are and what they want and need in their life. These are not light decisions to make and they will most definitely affect more than just the person making the decisions. If a child is brought into the relationship, who and what they are will most definitely be determined by who is chosen to be their parents. What future obstacles will have to be thwarted will be based on their parents own demons and issues. So, choose wisely and guard your heart and mind with every decision made. Love they say is a battlefield so stay alert and tread lightly.

advice
Amber Gant
Amber Gant
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Amber Gant

Writing is my passion and life blood, it is something that brings me happiness and helps me heal. I hope to share what I have made with you all, taking something frayed, tattered and broken from life and making it beautiful.

See all posts by Amber Gant