Choice

There are many reasons why someone who has suffered an assault or rape may decide not to make a report. When asked “are you going to make an official report?” My immediate response was “no. Absolutely not.” The night I was assaulted, we called my friends’ mom. I knew she would know what to do and say. I knew she wouldn’t judge me and I felt safe telling her. I also knew she would most likely still be awake bc she’s a night owl haha. As my friend & I explained what was going on, her mom encouraged us to report him. I immediately regretted calling her and checked out of the conversation. (Later I was grateful, but at this moment, no.) There was no way I was going to report this. She also encouraged us to go to the hospital & again I was not interested but felt that was a better compromise as long as I didn’t have to involve police.

I mean are you kidding?

1. Why would would I EVER want to put myself in a situation where I’d have to face the person who’d done this to me?

2. Why would I want ANYONE to even know this had happened to me?

4. I didn’t think anyone would believe me especially if it came to his word against mine.

6. I still felt like it was my fault.

7. The LAST thing I wanted to do was ruin this guys life.

8. I was scared and in shock.

Thankfully we listened to her mom about at least going to the hospital. We had also called the SA helpline 1-888-421-1100 & that helped me at least get a little closer to reporting.

When we called the Utah sexual assault hotline and the angel that picked up gave us directions of what to say, where to go. She sent two advocates to meet me. She also assured us we would not have to involve police if we didn’t want to. She told us to make sure I didn’t shower, eat or drink (too late of course) and bring my clothes. We woke up our other friend and drove to the hospital.

I eventually did decide to go through with reporting the incident and wow I really had no idea what that would actually mean. I think if more people understood what the process is actually like, we would all be more inclined to believe survivors. It’s not easy. It’s triggering. It’s traumatic. It’s exhausting.

Anyone who’s survived an assault needs support. This does not mean taking over & or pressuring them to heal or react in the way YOU want them to. It means helping them move forward in the way and timing that they need as well as Allowing them to have control over their own healing. After suffering a trauma of any kind, there are a lot of injuries we can’t see and a lot of mental blocks we can’t control. Just believe them and be there.

When we find out someone hurt one of our loved ones we immediately want justice. I get it. However, our loved one who was hurt had their choice taken away from them; we need to do everything we can avoid continuing to take choices away from them going forward. It’s not their job to seek justice or be an example or advocate. (Especially when there’s a high chance the legal system will be entirely unhelpful) All they need to do is what they can to get help and heal. Be ok with your loved ones choice NOT to report.

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

Utah Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-888-421-1100

Utah Refuge 24 Hour Hotline: 801-356-2511