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Can you be friends with benefits?

It can be done.

By Nila DearPublished 5 years ago 3 min read

Are you able to make it work? I did. But there's no secret or formula to it. I truly believe it depends on your relationship with your friend and what you expect from it. The factor if it will work or not is surrounded by communication. I was lucky enough to have it happen organically with a very close friend. So here is my experience.

We had grown up together. From pre-school right up until graduating high-school. His family lived across the street from me, so we spent a good portion of our childhood together. As time went on and our lives evolved, we grew apart. One day I moved back to my hometown and saw him at the beach. I hadn't seen him for years and it was so nice! We chatted for hours as if no time had passed at all.

From then on we started hanging out. I would go to his house and we would watch South Park and laugh and talk shit for hours. We would talk about our crushes, our past, our families, and what we wanted for our futures. I would talk about my Tinder dates and he would tell me about the girl he worked with that he loved. I felt safe as our friendship provided a lot of company and comfort to two lonely single people. Nothing sexual EVER came up until one night we were watching a movie and I snuggled into him as he put his arm around me. We were relaxing as he slowly began to stroke my back gently. Now you're probably thinking he was doing it on purpose to 'get some', but the truth is it happened naturally. I almost melted with relaxation, as his touch was so calming. My body started to react to his touch, and I began to feel turned on. Noticing my body moving with his touch he began to go lower, and things got a little sexual. Tension filled the air, but never got any further than that. The next day we messaged about it and discussed what happened, that we both enjoyed it and we weren't sure what it meant but that it wouldn't ruin our friendship.

The next time we saw each other it happened again. And the next time, until eventually we caved and got it on. It was fun, he wasn't my usual type but I felt so safe and comfortable that I didn't care. After that we had another text conversation, ensuring that no matter what our friendship wouldn't be jeopardised. From then on every time I went to visit, we hooked up. We had a lot of fun as there was no pressure for a relationship. This went on for a couple of months and was the most carefree time I can remember. All the benefits, none of the relationship drama.

It ended as naturally as it began, he was more interested in his girl at work and I had other guys on my mind, so we just stopped. We went straight back to 'just friends' without any awkwardness or dramas, just like that.

During this whole time, we communicated honestly and openly. Neither wanted to date the other and made sure we voiced that. And I believe this is why it worked, we had chosen the right person for a friends with benefits arrangement. Our lives were full and we had no space for a real relationship, plus we weren't the others 'type', plus we had great communication so there was no confusion.

I am grateful for the time we spent together. It was mature, calm and drama free. Plus I got to share something intimate with my closest friend, something I will always treasure.

Like what you are reading? Any tips are greatly appreciated! Follow me on Instagram @nila_dear_vocal to keep updated on new stories.


About the Creator

Nila Dear

True stories of love, relationships, heartbreak, & happiness.

Shared in hopes you find entertainment, laughter, tears, mistakes, growth, recognition, reflection, education, hope, realisations, comfort, & something positive.

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