Burn After Writing

When your life is not a documentary, it is easy for you to move around. So you think, but your conscience is your biggest critic. When you look at yourself in the mirror you pick at every single flaw that someone else may be in fond of. When you mispronounce a word because English is not your native language you instantly get embarrassed; yet, the person listening to you speak is in awe of your intelligence. When you spend majority of your paychecks on food because it helps release serotonin but you are the serotonin to the person eating next to you. Life is full of different perspectives but your entire existence has been convocated by simple mindedness.

At this moment, I want you to clear your mind and think for a couple of minutes and reflect on life. On your life. Whether it's something from earlier today or something from several years ago and think - "How honest can you be when no one is watching?" This memory, or memories, is this the baggage you've been carrying? Society has programmed us to think when we're having a bad day that someone out there has it worse. So, we shouldn't have any bad days. But I disagree, respectfully. Society relies on the one size fits all scope and that is inaccurate. Everyone is allowed to have their bad days, to complain, to vent, to reject unsolicited advice, etc.

But one thing that we shouldn't do is carry the overbearing baggage until it's so heavy we cannot move to the next chapter in our life. We must let go of the memories that re-open those semi healed wounds. I know it's easier said than done considering I get triggered by things I thought where over and done with.

Having writers block was the main reason why this blog has been ghosted. I couldn't figure out what to write about because the whole "blogger" lifestyle just isn't something I'm into. I enjoy writing, I do. But I consider myself more of a freestyle writer - I'm not sure if that's even a thing but it is to me. I'd like my hobby to remain my hobby. I don't want to create deadlines and posts for content and make it a side hustle. I just want to write when I feel like writing.

So I guess this short post is dedicated to my sister-in-law, Juli. She actually consoled me and guided me (without her knowledge) to remove the baggage I've been carrying for so many years. There was a scene in my life that haunts me to this day - it feels my heart with ache and body with chills. Thinking about it makes me reminisce on what could have been and how different my life would have been. When I was being vulnerable with her she responded back with "I don't think you ever properly grieved." And in that moment, my shoulders dropped and tears flowed down my face. All along that was what I needed to hear.

Do you ever sit back and think to yourself, why a certain topic can't be discussed? Is it because it makes you uncomfortable? Or your point of view is rather different? Or you just don't feel like expressing your emotions entirely? Whatever the case may be, it is important to journal those heavy thoughts and burn after writing. Reflecting on your past will allow you to expand your mind to what currently is gatekeeping you to fulfill your true purpose in life. We are placed in this hectic environment to adapt to certain circumstances but what if we took a leap and found our meaningful potential? Let's break the barrier that's keeping us hostage. Our thoughts.

Take the proper steps to mourn and heal. The energy and effort you gave to lost ones, pour it into yourself. You deserve it more than they ever did.