Brushed Aside or Being Kind?

Have you ever been treated like you didn't know anything by someone you respected? Yeah? Me too. It doesn't feel great does it? Nope. I had that happen to me recently. He brushed my whole well worded (Possibly misspelled in some areas... its Twitter, you can't edit anything...) argument for a book I love. He is a massive Youtuber, and I was hoping to have an intelligent book discussion, but he brushed me off. He is a part of what is lovingly called "booktube." You may know who I'm talking about, but I'm not going to call him out here. That's not really what this is about. I'm going to talk about the situation and describe my thoughts on it.

I'm more upset that I was brushed off. I wrote a 15 part thread on twitter about it. And all he could say in response (on ANOTHER POST!) was basically "Sure, but I don't want to take your positive experience away." Which is kind, and I appreciate that, but I wanted a full on intelligent discussion! It felt like I was given a lollipop and a pat on the head, which is humiliating. I am a 33 year old Mom of a 6 year old. Who lives in the middle of no where so I have very little places to go for intelligent discussion. I don't have such a fragile ego that any negative opinion is going to shatter me. I do however have a passion for the things I love and love to share that with others. I also have a deep seeded need for intelligent discussion and debate. A year ago I was that fragile. Now, I can take it.

He may be able to take my argument apart with any of his, that's a part of it. That's okay. I might be frustrated at first, but that doesn't mean that his side and my side are invalid. They are both valid. I get that he was trying to be nice, but I don't want just nice, I want debate. I want discussion. Now, not unkind debate and discussion, but discussion that takes each other into account. I want that kind of intellectual pursuit. I need it. I crave it. I haven't had it in a LONG time due to not only COVID, but because before this I was recovering from a 7 year abusive relationship. Though, just because I can have a kind and validating discussion doesn't mean he can.

For all I know he could get really mean. What he said could have been him trying to spare me, but I don't. From the tone of his tweets, and the tone dof his videos I don't think he is that kind of person. I just think he doesn't want put himself at that sort of risk. I also think he also doesn't know that I am not that type of person either. Though having my entire thread dismissed is really frustrating for a person such as myself. I put a lot of work into that thread. I put a lot of research into that thread and I put a lot of me into that thread. It dismissed me in these ways: personally, mentally, emotionally, scholarly, and intellectually. I feel deeply disrespected and rejected by someone I respect.

His videos that go into worldbuilding (this might give who this is away, and if it does I hope he's not mad.) are wonderful and well researched and cited. You can tell that he puts time, effort and passion into what he does and that he enjoys it. Though I do think some of his conclusions can be a little hasty and that may just be because of his age. He is 25, the age I was when I got into my abusive relationship. At that age your (excuse me for the "Hamilton" reference.) young, scrappy and hungry. Your pride isn't in check, and you think you can take on the world. This is all normal and there is nothing wrong with it. You think you know everything, and even worse you act on that. I've been there... eight years ago. I have more years and experience on him, but he is very intelligent and worthy of all of his praise and success.

Age and experience color a lot of how we see things. This is why in my twitter thread (on my personal twitter account not my professional) I did reference his age. I am amazed that I estimated it correctly. I hadn't even looked up his age when I wrote the original thread. I didn't say those things to look down upon him, it was only to say it colored our lenses differently. I think he needs to come back to it when he isn't reading a bunch of sci-fi and cyber punk books for a 2-hour video. He needs to come back to it after he has been able to clear and relax his mind. He (as all YouTubers that do his kind of work do) came to it in a light that would color it in a negative light and give him a bad experience. That kind of headspace of making a video on it. Having a case load of a thousand other books, and having it filed in the wrong sub-genre is going to color it negatively.

It being evaluated in a sub-genre that is not its sub-genre is going to color it in a bad light. That's just common sense. Its video game sci-fi. Its a type of sub-genre of its very own. Its unique. I don't know of many other books that set their story in a virtual reality other than manga like "Sword Art Online," and "Log Horizon." Though, he wasn't reading manga. He wasn't grouping it with that kind of sub-genre. He was putting it with Cyberpunk which is completely different. I even said in my argument "It had nothing to do with what ever cyber punk is. I'm not that much of a sci-fi fan as it is, but I know that there is a difference between Ready Player One and Blade Runner." I stand by what I said, and its true there is a massive difference. If you compare a lemon to an apple, you're going to hate the lemon. But if compare a lemon to another lemon, you might just like it more. I know it can be difficult to admit you might be wrong, or that you may need to give something another chance. I have personal experience with that.

When I was (ironically) 25, I had just gone through a very painful miscarriage and was quite attached to the baby. My (then) boyfriend told me I should watch "Juno" which stars Elliot Page. I love Elliot Page and love his movies, so I said sure. I thought it'd be a cute little movie about teenage pregnancy, but boy... it did not hit me that way at that time. Before the miscarriage I would have loved it, but after I hated it and vowed I'd never watch it again. I want to break that vow and re-watch it. I have a happy and healthy 6 year old and that miscarriage is now 8 years behind me. I want to see if my lens has now been recolored. This is what he needs to do with "Ready Player One." Though that doesn't mean he has to do it. I just encourage it. Changing your mind is okay, only toxic people think its not.

Changing your mind with something like a book, movie or any other type of media is okay. Even when being a YouTuber its okay. Heck Lindsey Ellis vocally made sure everyone knew she changed her stance on Stephanie Meyer and "Twilight." She admitted that she may have given into the hivemind at the time (this is my interpretation.) and had given her harsh criticism. Now, I am the opposite way. I read them for my best friend because she had no one else to talk to about them. I wanted to be there for her and have an excuse to read them. I liked them at first, and I changed my mind the other way. Changing your mind is okay. I promise you won't die from it! If you did, then I guess I'd be classified as a zombie! NARRRRR! BRAINS!

With that little bit of humor set aside. I know that there could be many reasons that he could have "brushed me off." Being busy is one - a valid one. All of these reasons are valid by the way, unless it was meant to be completely dismissive and placative. I understand he's a busy guy with a lot to do, but being pet on the head and given the lollipop of "...but I don't want to take your positive experiences with away from you." Feels like a dismissal (which is probably is) and a cop out on what has the potential to be a great explanation. I've got an open mind. Giving me an answer to have enough specificity to feel specific, but enough vagueness where I have no idea what his true feelings are... It feels super dismissive and like I'm being placated. It tells me he did, in fact, not read a word I wrote. I guess I may just have to turn this article and that thread into a video. I really don't want to be on camera. That's why I write, but if I have to. To be taken seriously: so be it.

Since I'm sure you're interested in the thread, his response and then my reply back to that and follow up a few days later. I will write it all here below, and redact who I tagged and quote tweeted. I will say what is the quoted tweet first and then follow with the others identifying them as well. All of my threads will be put together all in one statement, and I will include the "post count" on each in parenthesis. I will also correct any misspellings.

Quote tweet:

"The only books on that list that I had truly negative experiences with were Ready Player One and The Amber Spyglass. RP1 was incredibly shallow with this bizarre "what if you were the good billionaire" plotline in a cyberpunk novel of all, while TAS was thematically incoherent."

My Response thread:

"SPOILER WARNING FOR READY PLAYER ONE!

Oh hon. Ready Player One is NOT about that at all. I think you missed the point... the "good billionaire" plotline that you're talking about is just a backbone that our REAL plot is sat upon. Its not about (1/?) James Halliday or Wade Watts becoming the "good billionaire" its about the journey. James' death is the "inciting incident" and then becomes the vehicle for the real story. The real story is about how Wade grows up. Its a coming of age story. Its not Cyberpunk. (2/?) Sure, its science fiction, but not cyberpunk. The Oasis gaming system is yet again another vehicle for the actual plot. Wade growing up. Yeah sure, the Oasis gaming system provides a really awesome way to interact with life in general, and the contest to come later, but...(3/?) that is not the point. The contest its self represents the puzzles, tests and hardships we come upon in life. No life doesn't have a finish line (well other than death) with a final key and gate, but there are "milestones" which kind of act like mini ones and that is what (4/?) the contest represents and is the real meat of the story. The Oasis, the prize, James Halliday, and all of the 80's pop culture references are just outer world building and a way of interpreting the story. You were looking for the wrong message. (5/?) It had nothing to do with what ever Cyberpunk is. I'm not much of a sci-fi fan as it is, but I know that there is a difference between Ready Player One and Blade Runner. Ready Player One is just straight up sci-fi. It as it has been filed as speculative fiction because (6/?) That is exactly what it is. Its a good story if you come at it from that lens. I hate to be the person that says "age matters," but in this sense it does. I'm estimating that you're about 3 to 8 years younger than I am. I'm 33 and have been through trauma. (7/?) That gives you a different lens to see things through. I've read Ready Player One twice. Once in an emotionally abusive marriage, and once after. The first time I thought it was a rocking good time full of 80's pop culture references and a look at what a gamers paradise (8/?) could look like. The second read through, I saw the coming of age story to it. I saw the questions that you have to solve though life, the keys to those answers and how that sometimes can unlock good and bad things and how you have to navigate those. (9/?) It was my age and experience that had handed me a new lens to see the story through. As someone who grew up during the technology boom and saw technology literally shift in front of my eyes a room sized computer to a computer that could fit in my pocket, it blew my mind. (10/?) I also got to see the resurgence of 60's fashion, which blew my mind as well, and now that I'm in my thirties I'm seeing 90's fashion come back in a big way like the 80's fashion and pop culture in Ready Player One. (11/?) I'm telling you [redacted], you have to give it another chance. Don't see it as cyberpunk. Come at it as regular science fiction. It was the second ever science fiction book I've ever read, the first being "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy." I enjoyed both. (12/?) For different reasons, but at the same time for similar reasons. HHG because of the positive, funny vibe. Keep in mind Douglass Adams did write episodes of "Doctor Who" and I know you're a fan. RP1 I love because of the setting of inside the Oasis...(13/?) how Wade and Sam didn't meet until the end. Aech's reveal (which was much better than the movie) that he was actually a girl! The shock of Daito's murder! How Wade single handedly infiltrated the SOS! I mean come on! IT was clever in so many ways, so exciting in so many ways! (14/?) I hope I've made enough of a case for this book and how it should be given a second chance coming from a new angle. The cyberpunk angle was the wrong one. I don't care how much hate I'm going to get for my opinion. I love this book. I'm hoping I showed that its not so bad. :)"

I also added to this thread with this:

"Whelp, [redacted] I forgot to tag you because I was so passionate about my stance last night. I hope that this isn't seen as hate, just a type of essay to defend "Ready Player One" as a piece of literature. ^_^"

His response wasn't until I said something on another post of his about singing the Americans singing the national anthem in the middle of Wal-Mart:

"If somebody started singing the New Zealand national anthem in a random supermarket, not only would nobody join in, but 90% of people wouldn't even know the second verse. [Quote tweeted video of American's singing the National Anthem in Wal-Mart with the caption: "Unbelievably weird country" underneath]

My first response:

"Here in the US we're practically supposed to know our national anthem before we can walk! LMAO! ([3 laughing crying emoji] Did you see my thread about Ready Player One? I hope you did. I put a lot of work into that.

His response:

"I did! But I'm afraid I still disagree. My personal experience with it was not a positive one, for reasons more than I've said, but I don't want to take your positive experiences with away from you."

What I first replied to that:

"Understandable"

Then what I posted just today in two different responses:

Response 1:

"Also... sorry to be a nit picker and bring this back up... but... you did read the entire thread? Not just the top and bottom right? Or scan? Because I had some really good scholarly points in there. Your response doesn't give me the feeling you did...

Response 2:

I'm not just some Mom with a high school education from the boonies. I'm a Mom with a formal secondary education from the boonies! [Four laughing crying emojis]

This is where it ends. He lives in New Zealand, so I probably won't get a response until tonight. If you follow the group "Anastasia Barth: Freelance Writer" tell me what you think... did I get it wrong? Did I misinterpret what he said or am I right in thinking I'm being dismissed and placated? I get wanting to be secure in your stance. I really do, but when it has gone so far to be edging on condescension... that's not okay. I hesitated to say that word "condescension" but it feels right. I want to believe it may be because he was already tired or annoyed, had a bad day or whatever. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt first. That's why I have avoided that word until now. Please, guys let me know on the post for this story. Am I wrong? Am I right? I'm unsure.

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