Bring Meaning Back Into Your Life

Is what you’re currently doing for a living what you want to be doing with your life? Without needing to give the question a second thought, most people would answer with a resounding “no”.

The vast majority of us do the work that we really enjoy as a hobby, too uncertain or afraid to try and make it anything more than an auxiliary pursuit. We fish on our days off, take pen to paper on our lunch breaks, work on our paintings after we punch out, take our cameras out on the town in our free time to capture life unfiltered, and unfurl our yoga mats to connect ourselves and others with the ethereal. Each of us has something special that we do that helps us to get through this journey of life; and secretly, we hope to someday find time to indulge in that thing more often and more vigorously. One day, when our brightest years are behind us and the sun begins to set on the horizon, we hope to retire and do what we love until we die. While this is a romantic idea that may warm your heart, I believe that it is actually a terribly misunderstood tragedy, and, in the next few minutes, I am going to try to convince you of why that is, and, hopefully, mitigate your fears about the risks of a radical career shift.

• What Brings Meaning To Your Life?
• Long Term Happiness and Psychological Suffocation
• Eliminating Bizarre Excuses and Mitigating Fear
• Reconciliation
• What Can I Do Right Now?
• Conclusion
• Epilogue

What Brings Meaning To Your Life?

I had felt incomplete and bleary-eyed for a very long time — almost like a ghost in my own life, or the ghost of the person that I always wanted to be. I was alive for sure; I woke up each morning, showered, brushed my teeth, and drove to the office where I would spend the next seven to eight hours, but, much of that time existing between waking up and settling into bed at the end of the night felt like a hazy, half-remembered dream — one that I was only partially conscious through.

Some time ago, in one of those rare, life-affirming moments of clarity, I took a step outside of my body and asked myself two very simple but poignant questions: “What are you best at?” followed by “What brings the most meaning to your life?” I was lucky enough that both questions had the same answer: Writing. Short stories, long-form stories, academic and psychological essays, opinion pieces, critiques — the written word in any of its varied compositions.

Try asking yourself these same questions. Usually, there is a clear overlap in the responses. What a person is best at is almost always heavily influenced by the things that give them meaning or fulfillment in life, as we naturally gravitate toward what makes us comfortable and happy. Making people laugh and surfing; cooking and writing; eating and traveling; carpentry and animal watching. Each of these has an obvious aggregate. If at first the answers you give yourself don’t seem interlinked, write them down, categorize their attributes, and suffuse their meanings until you inevitably reach a homogeneous conclusion.

Of course, there is always the odd outlier. Some people have landed right where they belong — happy in a rewarding job doing something that they love every day of the week. They are the fortunate minority, and I urge you not to covet that fortune. But, on the other end of the spectrum, and not surprisingly, some people really don’t want to do anything at all. They don’t want to engage in meaningful work but still want to make a living. For some, a dream job is no job at all.

That mentality may be more destructive than simply working as a cog in a machine that you don’t belong in because ambition is the force that drives meaning in the world. Without it, there is very little of substance that a person can contribute.

It can be argued that human beings are not designed for a subjectively insipid forty-hour workweek in which they will produce nothing of intrinsic value. Those that are enriching and emboldening society are often outside of this frivolity — this system of psychological suffocation. The sooner you make the decision to free yourself from it, the easier it will be to acclimate to the field where you find the most meaning, for it is only through happiness that you can be open to giving something back to the world.

When I knew my own sum, I wondered then, what was I doing with my life? Why wasn’t I working on the novels that I had started as a child in the fourth grade, completing my short stories and chasing after esteemed publications, or penning a column for a local paper? What exactly was keeping me from trying to focus my energy on my passion? Eventually, I realized, stripped down to their simplest forms, responsibility and financial security were to blame.

I have a lot of things to pay for: rent, car insurance, cell phone, data plans, overdrawn credit cards, student loans, personal loans, groceries, and so much more. I can’t afford to miss a payment on a single one of these things either, which is what I imagined would happen if I tried to focus on my life’s passion as opposed to my work. After all, I go into the office every morning at 9 and don’t leave for the day until 5 in the evening. And there are a lot of people there depending on me to get them through the day. Surely I would need to cut this time down in order to really pursue my dreams. It had never occurred to me that what I thought was well-earned leisure time in the evening and on weekends could ever be used for anything more than decompressing from the events of the day or week. But again, I thought, “what brings the most meaning to my life?”, and I knew that it wasn’t keeping my status up to par at work or earned financial comfort. I realized then that I would have to be willing to sacrifice much of my leisure time in order to hone and eventually perfect my passion — that I had to waive all transient pleasure in order to gain long-term happiness.

Long Term Happiness and Psychological Suffocation

I believe that neglecting to pursue our ideal career and the thing that we are best at in any honest way may be one the most stealthily treacherous things that we can do to ourselves, because of our ability for psychological self-sabotage. If you spend enough time as a data entry clerk, you can begin to see that as the sum of your parts. You might even embrace it, as I did with my own job, and place limitations around yourself. By telling yourself that you are what you do to make a living, you are placing yourself in a box with finite limitations. Before you do anything else admonished here, you need to spring the lid. Convince yourself that you are not what you do for money. Remember what you were before you were a “data entry clerk” and realize that you put yourself into that position. Begin to see yourself as a stream of possibilities.

To quote Sylvia Plath in The Bell Jar…

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out.

The rest of that quote takes a dismal turn, but you can see that this portion illustrates what I’m trying to say.

According to the internationally recognized think tank The Conference Board, 54% of Americans report feeling satisfied with their jobs. While this number may seem surprisingly low, it is actually the highest these levels have been in over 30 years, having piqued in the 1980s around 60–65%. It is almost universally accepted in the psycho-scientific community that human beings, as a species, are not biologically or psychologically equipped to thrive in an environment where they feel unfulfilled and lack true stimulation. What I mean by true stimulation is the stimulating of some extant part of the soul that elicits life-affirming joy, much like the moment of clarity I mentioned in the previous section. There are moments where the fog of the world disperses and you feel like you’re waking from a dream or coming down from a dizzying smog. You can see, feel, hear, and sense the world more clearly and you almost feel like you’ve lost time — that maybe, for the past hour, day, week, or month, you’ve been asleep. That is when you’ve touched the part of your innermost self that craves stimulation. It is the part of you that is outside the scope of your awareness — the tip of your buried essence, suppressed deep within by a lifetime of drifting through a self-imposed system of psychological suffocation.

According to Psychologist Hugo Münsterberg:

…young people know very little about themselves and their abilities. When the day comes on which they discover their real strong points and their weaknesses, it is often too late. They have usually been drawn into the current of a particular vocation, and have given too much energy to the preparation for a specific achievement to change the whole life-plan once more. The entire scheme of education gives to the individual little chance to find himself.

Münsterberg, an esteemed pioneer in applied psychology, believed that we barely know anything about ourselves, let alone what we’re good at or what we desire, before we are trained in a particular field and thrust into the workforce. According to the theory of Psychophysical Parallelism, of which Münsterberg was a staunch proponent, our mental health is tied to our physical health in a very visceral way, which might explain why so many people with depressed or unhappy dispositions inexplicably die of natural causes at younger ages while appearing to be in healthier physical states. Often, it is in the advanced stages of life that we start asking ourselves difficult questions like the ones posed here. I offer, that it is almost certainly better to seek your measure and test your limitations as early as you can with a sound mind. That way, you can give yourself all the information that you’ll need long before you’re five years deep in a career that will never meet your expectations.

Eliminating Bizarre Excuses and Mitigating Fear

“I love my job, it pays the bills.”

Is it having your bills being paid that you love or is it the work that you do? What if your job did not pay the bills — would you still find meaning in it?

“I help people at my job. We are doing good work.”

But is it good work for you? Are you the only person who can do your job or will the company continue to do good work without you?

“My job is not that bad.”

Is not that bad good enough? Do you believe that you deserve more or are you content with admitted mediocrity?

These kinds of dismissive excuses are the beginning of an insidious indoctrination into a cycle of blind acceptance of a life lived 33% in opposition to your desires. That’s the average percent of time that a person spends at work. That’s one-third of your life. Another third is spent asleep. Anyone can work out that math. We are all short on time, but perspective is a sobering tool.

Reconciliation

Once I decided what it was that I needed to be doing in life, I researched how it could be done while still maintaining my current employment — as those aforementioned financial responsibilities were not going to take a hiatus to let me focus on my future. I looked into freelance writing work, part-time weekend gigs, temporary projects, full-time positions with a comparable salary — everything that I could, before I found platforms like Vocal and Medium. Their programs allowed me to write in my free time, at my own pace, and control the content that I produced. I could get paid to do this based on the quality and popularity of my work. And, most importantly, I could start immediately and in any capacity that I was able — occasional, part-time, or full-time. It was the missing piece of the puzzle. Everything else was already in place.

Writing may very well be my key to clarity and self-awareness. Indulging in my most coveted passion has proven to be the antidote to my half-remembered nightmare of a life. I would be remiss not to admit that there is a certain clarity that I experience in writing that I’ve found difficult to replicate anywhere else. Even indulging just a little bit each day has drastically and immediately enriched my life. Writing a few thoughtful sentences a day reminds me of how wonderful it can be to be alive. And, never before had I felt such an urgency to do so. I am less afraid of failure now and more excited about the creation process than the results themselves.

Everyone has that passion-work somewhere in their lives, and there is very real anecdotal evidence that people, by and large, need fulfillment and meaning in order to stay alive.

What Can I Do Right Now?

There are a few things that you can do right now that can help kick-start your journey of self reconciliation. Each of them is as important as the next.

• Self Assessment

Perform a self-assessment of your abilities using any available assessment tools. Ask your friends and family to assess your skill level in your career of choice with as much raw honesty as they can. When you’ve reached comprehensive results cross-referenced with your loved ones, compare yourself to your contemporaries.

I did this and it really helped to assure me that I was making the right decision. I shelled out some money for a professional IQ Test to see where I stood — probably to make sure that I wasn’t convincing myself of some terrible mistake. I took several WPM/CPM Typing Tests to ensure that I was in the “Professional” percentile. I read through hundreds of thousands of pages of work that I had done in the last fifteen years as if I were an editor and marked them up with red ink where I saw areas that needed improvement. I wrote new pieces and shared them with trusted friends that I knew would never spare my feelings and recorded their thoughts in earnest. Then, I read the work of my peers in every genre that I felt I was adept: science fiction novels and short stories, opinion pieces, digital news publications, philosophical rambling, and romantic novellas. I had to be sure, in an honest way, that I could stand shoulder to shoulder with them. If you perform your own self-assessments and find that you’re lacking in any way, then you’ll want to take this next step into immediate consideration.

• Indulge Everyday

A writer writes and a painter paints. Even if you don’t know how you’re going to break into the industry, you need to adopt the mindset that this meaningful thing is an important part of who you are. Become a professional. This part is the easiest even if it sounds the most daunting. You need to reliably indulge in your passion every day — even if it’s only for a few hours. Look at the time like a pilot’s hours. 10,000 hours is a lot better than 500 because it shows experience and commitment. It will also push you to learn, adapt, and improve upon your craft.

I cannot stress enough how vital a piece of information this is or how tremendously it impacted my life. I had first heard it many years ago, but it did not sync with me until much later in life — when I was struggling to come to terms with the person that I wanted to be and the person that I had become. Now I indulge every day — growing and learning as a professional writer.

• Submerse Yourself In The World That You Want To Be A Part Of

Read as often as you can. Browse databases of contemporary information. Review catalogs of work and digest the biographies of your favorite representatives of the profession. Visit the museum and retain information about your favorite artists and creators from yesteryear. Watch online tutorials and review instructional manuals front to back. Attend or even organize meet-ups with like-minded individuals in your area. Travel to new areas if you have to. Be a participant in the world that you want to be a part of.

For me, submersing myself in the literary world helped me to stay focused. It kept me grounded especially when things at work became stressful or personal problems felt overwhelming. I read anything that I thought would enrich my mind as often as I could. Becoming an active member of the community that you want to break into is key to developing yourself as a true professional.

• Surround Yourself With Supportive People

As important as it is to keep reasonable confidence in yourself, it is equally as important to surround yourself with people who support your career decision and your goals. Discouragement and shared negative outlooks can lead to feelings of inadequacy, which can be debilitating for more sensitive types. As much as you enjoy spending time with your pessimistic friend or negative cousin, you have to consider stepping away from them until you can establish a confidence in yourself and your ability that you’re sure no one can thwart.

I had to do this with one friend in particular. His terribly pessimistic and negative view of the world, himself, and people, in general, had never inspired me to want to do anything other than to accept my lot in life and to see the bright side of the mundane. I had at one point become so convinced of my mediocrity that I turned down an invitation from another friend to start an online game review newsletter. It would have been great fun to play video games and write about how they made me feel but I turned him down almost immediately, certain of our inability to make it work. To this day, I think about that a few times a year and wince away from the memory, ashamed of myself and my glaring insecurity.

• Take Criticism Very Seriously

Do not be sensitive about criticisms of your work, especially from those critics who are supportive and honest. You need to start taking criticism very seriously and filtering it through your own self-assessment toolkit to make necessary adjustments. If you never adjust, evolve, or advance your work then you will devolve.

When I used to write as a beloved hobby, I would share my work with friends and loved ones, careful to ask them for brutal honesty. It wasn’t until I actually got brutal honesty that I realized I hadn’t been looking for it at all. Once, a close friend read something I wrote in front of me to completion, smashed it up into a ball, and tossed it over his shoulder. He called it garbage and, after I picked it up and unfurled it, broke down, area by area, what was so wrong with it. I was devastated. I didn’t speak to him for a week. But, I went back to that opinion piece a few years later and was appalled by how accurate he was. If he had done that to me today, I would ask him to be as detailed as he could about his critique and to tell me what he took away from it. I would take mental notes and filter them through my own sieve, expertly tailored through thousands of hours of professional submersion. Then, I would be able to learn from what he was saying today as opposed to three years from now.

• Economic Self-Assessment

Be honest with yourself about your current financial situation. Map out your bills in comparison to the money that you make in your current profession, if you have one. Record your monthly disposable income, which is the money you have left after all of your taxes, bills, and necessary expenses. What is the bare minimum amount of money you need to make in order to be current with all of these responsibilities and, more importantly, will you be satisfied with your quality of life? Keep this number in mind for the next step.

• Research Career Economic Feasibility

Do extensive research on the average salary of initiates and professionals in your desired field. Look at the worst and best-case scenarios. Reconcile this with the information from your Economic Self-Assessment. If you’re having trouble harmonizing the numbers, consider whether or not any of your bills are non-essential. Can they be eliminated? Are you willing to downsize your life in order to change your life? Before you look for job openings and freelance work, consider the following:

How much free time do you have during the week and on weekends? Are you married? How badly will your marriage suffer from a lack of quality time together? Do you have children? How effectively will you be able to utilize that additional time while caring for them? These are all important questions to ask when you are considering the practicality of a radical career shift. If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you just might have to take things a bit slower, like my mom.

My mother always wanted to be a healthcare professional. When she married my father, he had her quit school to raise their kids as a stay-at-home mom. When they divorced, she had to get a decent but time-consuming job to foot the bills of four children. While raising us, she went back to school part-time, stretching herself as thin as she could. It took many more years than she would have liked, but she eventually graduated with a Bachelor's in Nursing from New York University. I was nineteen by the time she was a Registered Nurse.

It took her nearly twenty years, but she worked hard to get her foot in the door while maintaining all of her responsibilities. Ideally, you wouldn’t want to wait as long, but four children, economic strain, and years away from institutions of higher learning can be a serious speed bump. Your own speed bumps may be just as debilitating. Persevere. You will only get where you want to be if you stay on your path.

Apply, apply, apply! And, always be honest with companies about what you want or can handle. Short-term, freelance work in the field that you desire in your free time is better than none at all.

• Raise the B.A.R.: Belief — Action — Results.

In your pursuit, wake up every morning with the intent to raise the bar for yourself. Aim higher and push yourself further. Believe in yourself, take Action toward your goals, and Results will follow.

Sometimes, life can really be that simple.

This was a piece of advice that I got from a life coach during a business meeting. I thought it was banal at first, but, upon closer dissection of the idea, I came to love it and even adopted it as a personal mantra. You should too. Belief — Action — Results is the age-old formula for success.

• Map Out Your Goals For The Next Twelve Months

Now that you know what you want to do, figure out exactly where you want to be. Record what you want to accomplish in your first month, your second, third, and so on. Be realistic and reasonable with yourself but set a high bar. You want to know where you’re going so that you make the choices that will steer you in that direction.

When I knew what I wanted to do, I gave myself two realistic 30-day goals: complete two stand-alone pieces of work, and make a minimum of $200.00 with my craft through either freelancing or temporary work. When I knew I could complete those, I took aim at three months: cut down my days at work so I can focus on my writing. And, then six months: be financially able to quit my job to be a writer full time. I was willing to do this even with a substantial salary decrease, but I don’t think that last part is necessary anymore. A salary decrease doesn’t have to be in your future either if you organize your goals in a coherent, interconnected, and practical way.

Conclusion

Compartmentalizing your life is going to be the most useful thing that you can do for a long time. Separating work from work, earned income from freelance income, professional goals from passionate goals, leisure time from quality family time, and so on.

The ability to step back and take a look at your life and the lives of those around you with some degree of accuracy and clarity may be what has been leading this latest generation of the “workforce”. Never before have people had the ability and the means to focus creative energy into passion projects by way of reward and crowdfunding platforms like Medium, Patreon, Kickstarter, and the aptly named FundAnything. We are nearing the apex of a new cultural renaissance, one that is not underscored by any particular country, religion, or ethnic group, but, rather, belonging to all peoples of this generation. There is a flood of passionate creation upon us. There has never been a better time in the history of the human race to be a creator — either the casual pastime artist or the committed all-in type who has no other source of income. While wildly impractical to most of us, these are the eccentric savants who create most fiercely and their work shines the brightest.

Some may be too myopic to see where these creative spheres of influence are heading, but you know better. Perseverance is a quality shared by entrepreneurs, artists, athletes, academics, and radical philosophers. Keep their company and you will find yourself exactly where you want to be.

Epilogue

I edited and completed this article in the auto-saving document creator available on the web browser. I left the room to get a cup of tea and when I came back, my cat was sitting on the keyboard. He had turned the entire story into an incomprehensible mess. I took a deep breath, locked him out of the room, and, while the ideas were still fresh in my mind, rewrote it in four hours. I was late for work the next morning. This, I thought, was a nice anecdotal example of perseverance and a good way to end this piece.

Stay strong. And keep your pets out of your office.

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Thanks for reading!