Boost Your Confidence With These 7 Psychological Superpowers.

Everybody wants it, few have it: Unshakable confidence.

A firm self-belief doesn’t just make you feel good at work, on dates, and in social situations. It also makes the difference between getting shit done and pulling back in fear. Most procrastination, laziness, and lack of motivation boil down to this simple question:

Do you have the balls to do it?

• Are you confident enough to approach a beautiful girl even though she might reject you?
• Are you confident enough to start a business even though you might feel the pain of failure?
• Are you confident enough to stand up for yourself and speak your truth even though others might hate you for it?

The answers separate true, authentic confidence from fake self-esteem.

The latter is shattered by setbacks, the former is the belief you’re capable enough — and knowing that even if you fail, you will be okay.

Without this firm-rooted belief, you’ll find excuses, focus on obstacles, and look for reasons why you can’t. But if you have it, there’s nothing that can stop you.

The most confident people I’ve met are the ones who go after their goals like a heat-seeking missile after a fighter jet — with determination, focus, and indomitable will.

They also have these seven psychological superpowers.

The Ability To Keep Promises to Yourself (And Others)

“If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.”

— Alan K. Simpson

Confidence comes from self-trust.

One of my friends often betrays himself. He says he’ll get up early, hit the gym, and get his paperwork sorted out, but when morning comes, he snoozes the alarm, farts, and turns in bed. It stinks up the bedroom and his self-image alike because it creates inner dissonance.

On the days he follows through, he radiates energy and is ready to conquer the world.

When you can rely on your words and abilities, you view yourself in a better light. You can back up your words even when things get tough. This is called integrity.

Integrity = doing what you said you were going to do even if it’s hard.

This breeds deep-rooted and unshakable confidence because you no longer question your words and abilities.

How to develop this superpower:

• Challenge yourself and follow up on it
• Keep promises to yourself and others
• Live in alignment with your principles and values, no matter how hard

The Ability To Own Your Shadow

“The only way to be truly confident is to simply become comfortable with what you lack.”

— Mark Manson

Confidence doesn’t just depend on how proud you are of your “good” sides, but how okay you are with your “bad” ones.

The human mind has a heavy negativity bias. It will focus on anything related to fear, scarcity, and threats. Any seed for self-doubt will quickly grow into ugly ranks of shame that suffocate your confidence.

Case in point?

I’ve been working out for ten years and people told me I “have the body of a Greek god.” But for the longest time, I wasn’t confident about it because of one minor flaw — I have small calves.

Instead of feeling great in my body, I wore long pants even on hot summer days and was self-conscious whenever someone saw my legs. One tiny scratch ruined the otherwise beautiful image I had of myself.

This isn’t limited to physical attributes.

If you feel like you have to hide some part of yourself, you create shame, which flattens your confidence like an SUV tire an unlucky frog.

• Smoking
• Crooked teeth
• A lack of empathy
• Laziness
• Being hot-tempered
• Greediness
• Cheating on your girlfriend ten years ago

Nobody likes to admit these. Most people try to hide them, creating a dark shadow they carry around. This breeds insecurity.

But true, authentic confidence means you’re fine with every part of yourself — not just the rainbows and sunshine.

How to develop this superpower:

• Go deep and ask what you don’t like about yourself
• Understand that you are a valuable human being even if you aren’t perfect
• Accept your shadow and admit your flaws instead of hiding them

The Ability To Listen to Feedback Without Taking It Personally

“If someone corrects you and you feel offended, you have an ego problem.”

— Nouman Ali Khan

Obsessing about what others think of you holds you back like nothing else.

Evolution hardwired social comparison into our brains for survival. Back in tribal days, if you pissed off the big guy, he’d whack you over the head, bang your wife, and pee on your face while whistling “king of the jungle.”

Today, things are different. You no longer have to fret for your life when someone disagrees with you. But when you let others’ views dictate your actions, you assume a lower position in the tribe and therefore, lower value.

That’s why I dance in public, sing in the supermarket, and meditate in a busy bar — to show myself nothing bad will happen and I am the king of my tribe and reality.

This doesn’t mean you should ignore social feedback — listen and learn without taking it personally.

True confidence is independent of others’ judgment.

How to develop this superpower:

• Don’t seek validation and appreciation. Do what you think is right and let that be the reward.
• Don’t let negative comments beat you down. If they’re valid critiques, learn from your mistakes — if they aren’t, let them go.

The Ability To Choose Your Words Carefully

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character.”

— Lao Tzu

That’s why your confidence suffers if you…

• …tell yourself “I’m lazy/an idiot/ugly”
• …use lots of words and speak too fast (it dilutes the value of what you say)
• …walk on eggshells instead of expressing yourself openly

In speech, confidence is a self-fulling prophecy.

Some of my friends ooze it the moment they open their mouth. The way they speak commands authority and draws people in like an airplane turbine an unfortunate bird. This feeds back into their confidence loop.

If you want to be more confident, choose your words wisely.

How to develop this superpower:

• Speak with conviction instead of beating around the bush
• Speak slowly and little (this gives your words more weight and shows you’re confident that what you say is enough)
• Don’t engage in negative self-talk or identify with your flaws (e.g. “I am stupid” vs. “that was stupid”)

The Ability To Detach Yourself From Events, Circumstances, and Experiences

“As long as we lean on anything outside ourselves for support, we are going to be insecure.”

— Eknath Easwaran

If you identify yourself with something, it holds power over you.

That’s why…

• Millionaires get desperate when they lose their money in the stock market
• Top athletes become depressed after their career is over
• Anti-vaxxers rage when facts clash with their ideology

I’ve felt my confidence skyrocket after my first $5000 month on Medium, sleeping with three new girls in one week, or deadlifting 200kg for the first time. But after I had to kill my first business, my ex broke my heart, and I injured my back and couldn’t lift heavy anymore, the house of cards collapsed.

Lesson learned: Don’t attach your self-esteem to single aspects of your life.

True confidence is independent of external events, circumstances, and experiences.

How to develop this superpower:

• Don’t attach your self-esteem to fleeting metrics like financial success or looks
• Understand that life will hit you in the nuts, but negative experiences don’t determine your value as a human being
• Base your confidence on what you can control — your values, choices, and character

The Ability To Separate Reactions From Emotions

“You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with magic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.”

— Warren Buffet

Control breeds confidence.

If you control your reality, you’re the master of your universe. If things control you, it crushes your belief in your abilities. Quite often, that control is a choice you can make.

When I was younger, I was hot-tempered. In second grade, I threw chairs and punched sofas. Even 15 years later, I still occasionally banged doors and screamed curses. My emotions controlled me.

There is a distinction between emotion and reaction few people are aware of.

• “I screamed because you made me angry!”
• “I cheated on him because I didn’t feel loved!”
• “I punched the guy because he disrespected me!”

You can’t control your emotions, but you can control your reactions.

This breeds true confidence because you are the one who calls the plays.

How to develop this superpower:

Don’t give in to your urges blindly

Distinguish between what you feel and how you respond

Improve your emotional intelligence through meditation and journaling

The Ability To Be Grateful and Focus on What’s Going Well

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.”

― Alphonse Karr

A surefire way to be confident about your life and future is to have a great life and future — but your perspective creates your reality.

• You can be miserable about your job and say, “I have to go to work, tomorrow, that sucks!”
• You can be grateful for your job and say, “I get to work tomorrow, not having a job and being broke would suck!”

One situation, two different ways of looking at it.

You can’t be confident in yourself if all you see is what you lack because it makes your future seem miserable.

I’ve hit what felt like rock bottom many times — sitting in the rain, tears streaming down my face, and willing to pay all the money I had to turn back time. However, the second I focused on what I could be grateful for, things changed. When I realized not everything was grim, my perspective improved — and with it, my confidence.

If you can focus on what’s going well, you feed the belief that you’ll be able to create a better future for yourself.

This will make you confident in even the toughest situations.

How to develop this superpower:

• Practice gratitude, even if it’s for the same, small things every day
• List your achievements and review them when you feel down
• Ask yourself “what’s going well?” instead of “what’s going wrong?”

Summary To Help You Become Insanely Confident

True, authentic confidence will unlock a life you couldn’t even dream about because it gives you the balls to go after it instead of holding back in fear.

Develop these seven psychological superpowers and your self-esteem will skyrocket.

1. Keep promises to yourself.
2. Own your dark sides.
3. Listen to feedback without taking it personally.
4. Choose your words carefully.
5. Detach yourself from events, circumstances, and experiences.
6. Separate Reactions from emotions.
7. Be grateful and focus on what’s going well.

“Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered — just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.”

— Barrie Davenport